Fight for your Self-Worth!

Self-Worth; this is a word that is so much easier to say, and spell then it is to feel!

Why do so many women feel that they have no self-worth?
How did they lose it?

Is it because of the way the world has portrayed the perfect woman today?

Is it because someone took it from them?

Is that the void some fill by over eating?

Did their partner breach a trust?

Did their partner fall into the grips of the world of pornography?

Does their partner demean them with insults about how they look?

Did their partner continuously admire other women?

Did they grow up being ridiculed by a family member?

Have they been suffering from a controlling illness?

Were they bullied and criticized through their school years?

Were they sexually abused as a child?

Were they laughed at in a moment of vulnerability?

Were they ever raped?

All of these experiences definitely play a part in pouring a woman's self-worth right down the drain. The people causing these kind of negative actions are totally responsible for tearing down a woman's worth. To tear down a persons self-worth is one of the cruelest ways to treat a human being. It is a no win situation for that person. They cannot fight back. They are being attacked with a blindfold on. You have succeeded in humiliating them, and you have won that battle. Well, that's not a real brag story, because anyone can win against innocence. The true win is when the battle turns around. The true win is when the person who has lost their self-worth, stands up and takes that control back.

For those of you that have been through this battle and are struggling to just get up on an elbow, or feel empty inside and so alone that you wonder why you even get up in the morning, you can beat this!

Listen to me! You are not responsible for falling, or losing the battle. But you are TOTALLY responsible for getting back up. Yes that's right, it is you that has to pull it together. I know, it's a joke to even think about it, but you need to go back as far back as you can and find a place where in your mind that will make you smile. If you cannot, then try to think of someone that you know that is hurting more deeply that yourself and use that knowledge as your motivation. Go there in your mind. Use that thought to give you a reason to get up and pull yourself together. Your self-worth is worth fighting for. You are as strong as your greatest strength. You will always be stronger than your greatest weaknesses. Those weaknesses will never win against your strengths.

You have been hurt and raped of one of your most sacred emotions, self-worth. Now you want it back, so take it back. It is right there inside of you. You just have buried it under all your dirty laundry, so to speak. You can go on feeling empty if you want. Noone will care, not for long anyway. You can continue to use drugs, alcohol, or even food to fill that empty lonely void inside of you. You can miss out on life because you are forgetting to fight and it is so much easier to fall into the pity pit. You can spend the rest of every second worrying that if you even try to gain back some of your self-worth, you will fail and feel even more lonely. Well, you might just fail the first try, the second and the third. You may even feel that it's hopeless. If you give into that feeling, then you are letting yourself down. You have now become responsible for losing your chance at regaining your self-worth. You are allowing whatever it was that tore you apart in the first place to take control of your everything. You are allowing a memory to defeat you. There is no person there now; it's just a thought. A memory that you are allowing to ruin what little time you have on this earth. Why are you doing that? You know you can stop it. You know how! I have repeated myself so many times and I will continue to repeat this. -HABITS- positive habits of thinking. You must reconstruct your thought patterns to think WIN..not to think LOSE! You must make a new commitment to yourself, one that you can reach out and touch!

I understand the strength of negative thinking, and I have felt its power many, many times. To the point that I could hardly feel myself breathe. That was when I knew that I, and only I could stop it. It was inside of me. It was not standing beside me or next to me or behind me. It was ME! Inside of you, is where you must look and dig for the real you. Not the you that has been scarred and hurt, but the you that can smile and laugh and appreciate all the good things in life. There still are many good things if you will just open your positive side and allow them to reach you. The more positive thoughts that you fill yourself with, the less negative thoughts can survive. Also you must be honest with what your bad habits are and where they are taking you. Identify with them and how they are bringing you down, instead of up. These are bad habits that you have allowed to run your life. Now, as you have invited them in, you will simply un-invite them. Additionally, say no to abusing Drugs, Alcohol and yes FOOD!

In order to strengthen the mental you, you must also strengthen the physical you. I don`t mean be a body builder or an Olympic athlete. I just mean a healthier you, a you that you want to be!

Remember whatever it was that brought you down in yourself is in the past. If you continue to allow the pain to live inside of you, you will suffer. The past is over and there is no suffering on your part that will erase it. So get on with life. Search deep inside of you and bring back who you are. Bring back the person you can smile at in the mirror. Bring back the person you talk to all the time. Bring back the person that you were meant to be. Bring back you, and then you will have your self-worth back!

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I am goodness.

I am all my goodness.

Even when I feel I am less,

I am always more!

David Viscott

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Why Men Leave (The Fantasy Relationship)

Copyright 2006 Brenda Shoshanna

"What's life without a girl friend?" asks Jimmy, a tall, forty-five year old Sicilian man, an irresistible charmer. "I never say good-bye to one without a few more waiting in the wings," he says. "It keeps me going. Is that so bad?" Then he flashes his boyish grin.

Although he never stays long, Jimmy has strong opinions on male female relationships. "There's a conflict of roles, with no roles clearly defined. "Women want monogamous relationships. Men don't want to get trapped. Men get guilty about leaving though. Believe it or not, it's hard to leave. We men do get guilty. Whatever we do we end up feeling like rats.”

Underneath all this are his feelings of dependency. Jimmy believes a man is nothing compared to a woman."A man really wants a woman to run the show," he says easily. "A guy doesn't know what's going on. But he also wants the woman to let him think he's running it. If women could only understand that -boy. It's a subtle thing.

Commenting on this issue, Dr. Robert Berk, says, "There are a lot of men who can't tolerate their own dependency on women because they experience it as emasculating. They therefore withdraw. Some downgrade the woman to make her appear a lot less valuable than she really is to them." Jimmy compensates by having as many women around as he can. This way he won't be the one to be left - an unbearable ego blow.

"A man likes a strong woman," Jimmy continued, "but she should be strong in subtle ways. In order to have a really terrific woman that he wouldn't want to leave, a man has to be confident that his love was strong enough for her so she wouldn't go somewhere else. Good women are too much for most men."

When Jimmy finally found the woman of his dreams, he saw her twice, and after that, wouldn't ever see her again. "The magic was really something. I held her close, we laughed a lot, she was terrific. Neither of us could part. It was perfect. At the end of the night we didn't take each other's numbers. We just had our night and said good-bye. We both said to each other we hoped we never saw each other again. You see, we created this incredible illusion for two nights, but could we do it again?

After what happened that night, well, it can't get better than that? I'm gonna live off that memory the rest of my life." For Jimmy, and many men like him, being truly happy, and affirmed in love can only happen in the world of illusion.

He was determined to hold onto this woman and the two nights they spent together exactly as they had been. He needed it badly. At all costs he didn't want the fantasy to be destroyed, or to see aspects of himself or her that didn't fit in.

When a man is seeking illusion, fantasy, and escape from painful conflict or feelings of low self-esteem, a brief, magical experience, in which no one is tested, becomes a substitute for real love. A fantasy love cannot be threatened or damaged. It also cannot be taken away. Of course, the contradiction inherent in this situation is that holding onto this fantasy keeps the possibility of ongoing, sustaining love away.

Cc/Brenda Shoshanna/2006

I Am Woman, Hear Me Set Off The Airport Security Metal Detector

Copyright 2006 Mary Foley As I write this I'm sitting in Dulles International Airport waiting for a flight that departs so early it should be illegal. At least it's a cheap ticket. And even though I've only had three hours of sleep I was amused when the security guard surprisingly said "No beep?!" after I walked through the metal detector. Kinda sounded like an airport security pick-up line. This time I got off lucky with no additional wand scan or bag check. That's not always the case, and when I'm "wanded" there's always one article of clothing that sets off the monitor and declares "I am woman!" - my underwire bra. Increased airport security has stirred some of my female friends to take action. One gal pal is purposely buying a bra without underwire. Another is ready to offer her design ideas to Victoria's Secret for another type of Miracle Bra - one without metal hooks. For some women it's a practical matter of getting through security as fast as possible. But, for others it's a matter of not being embarrassed by drawing attention to the fact that they have breasts, breasts that often need help to stay put and to postpone the effects of gravity. Bras are considered a necessary item for women, at least for the last 100 years or so. And remember, good girls demonstrate modesty; they would never NOT wear a bra! Actually, I don't think it's really about modesty, particularly since I'm no longer 13. I think it's about being embarrassed that you're a woman, that you've got body parts that are attractive to about 50% of the population, and that it's your fault you can't better manage those parts so you're not setting off metal detectors. Follow that line of thinking and pretty soon you feel bad for taking up space, ta-tas and all. This is one time I'm glad the term bodacious is sometimes associated with ta-tas. Bodacious Women know they have breasts and aren't ashamed. They may wear form-fitting clothing or they may not. They may feel sexy some days because of their breasts or they may find them inconvenient protrusions. No matter the choice, their attitude is the same: no apologies for being a woman. Growing up a tomboy, I had an adversarial relationship with my chest. Basically, I didn't want one. Breasts didn't help with sports and they made it all too clear to the world that I would no longer be mistaken as Daddy's "little fella." The last ten years I've grown to like the fact that I'm female and that includes breasts. I also don’t take them for granted as I know there's a one in four chance of losing one or both to breast cancer. So, while I have them I'll wear the bra of my choice, or none at all. Hmmm…perhaps that's what was behind the security guard's remarks. Well, for him it will remain a mystery. For me, I'm glad to be a woman knowing I have bra-related and other choices. And, that's bodacious!

The Awesome Power Of Words

On some playground as I child, I learned to sing the song “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” I guess that was to appease the bullies on the playground as we stuck out our tongues at them, but in reality it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Words do hurt and they can do great harm. Wars have been fought because of words.

There are many people who are struggling in life today not because of physical injuries on a playground but from words spoken out in anger, rage or disgust. Physical injuries through the years have healed fast and words have not healed so fast. For many, negative and destructive words play over and over like a bad movie in the heart and soul.

Words are very powerful. We listen to the words spoken to us and they impact us more than we realize. They move us, inspire us to action, comfort and encourage us, bring healing or they can crush us and devastate us. We are changed either positively or negatively simply because of words. We are even impacted by our own words and tend to follow what we have declared. You have heard people say they are not good enough, smart enough and it seems that their life follows suit. They almost become self-fulfilling prophecies.

I am reminded what the writer of Proverbs says about the power of words:

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:20

“A fool’s mouth is his undoing and his lips are a snare to his soul.” Proverbs 18:7

Be careful of what you say as it just might come to pass. I am not advocating that we never speak what is reality. If we are hurt, angry or depressed, denying it is not going to make it go away. I do think it would serve us well to take inventory of our speech. What would it be like to tape ourselves on any given today? We probably would not be very happy by what we heard. What are we declaring about ourselves on a daily basis? What is our self-talk like?

When we speak, we really are listening to our own words and those words are impacting us either positively or negatively. What would happen if our words started sounding more like God’s words about us? What would happen if were intentional about speaking words that brought life and encouragement to ourselves and others?

Our words are powerful. They are ever changing us and others around us. What kind of life do we really want to live? If our tongues have the power of life and death and you and I are going to eat the fruit of our conversations, I say it’s time to start speaking in the right direction. If we can learn to encourage, build up and not to tear down ourselves or others around us, I believe we will experience powerful changes of good “fruit" in our lives!

Making A Life

Tom Paterson, in his book, “Living The Life You Were Meant To Live,” made a very interesting comment. God isn’t interested in us just making a living as He is in us “making a life.” Well said! I believe a good question we can ask is are we so consumed with making a living that we have forgotten how to make a life!

In this world of “me” focus and striving to get ahead, maybe we need to take a deep breath, step back a little and get a larger perspective on life. At the end of our lives, I don’t think it will really matter how much money you and I made or how successful we were. I think the questions we will be concerned about are did we love our God and others well? Did we make a difference in this world? It is not that success or money are a bad things, but Jesus was so right when he said that life was so much more than the things that we possess. At the end of our lives, I think it will be more important to know we were the kind of people that loved and served others well rather than what kind of car we drove, the house we lived in or how much money we made. Did we love with God’s love and did others see in us who Jesus really is.

The reality is that there are no guarantees about time. Time is precious. It waits for no one and it’s the one thing we can never get back. If we postpone what we really want to do in this life, people we want to touch or influence, or even a trip we want to take that time may never come. People wait for retirement to pursue a dream. Retirement comes and health fails and the dream never happens.

Are you making a living or making a life? Why postpone even simple joys another day? Why not take the time for a long walk and actually smell the roses and enjoy God’s beautiful creation? It won’t cost you a thing and will not only renew your senses but also clear your head. Why not take time to lay hold of courage and forgive or to tell someone that you love them? Maybe its time to be a voice of encouragement to someone who desperately needs a kind word or hug. Take the time to cultivate some new friendships or get together with old friends over coffee, dinner. What about the possibility of extending an act of service or kindness to a complete stranger just because you can.

Are you making a living or making a life? What a perspective! When we begin to be people of life instead of performing in life our lives can be not only meaningful but lived with no regrets!

How Bodacious Women Get Unstuck and Make a Decision

Copyright 2006 Mary Foley

When it comes to making a decision, sometimes we get so wrapped around the axel we’re paralyzed and can’t move forward. You become captive to your fears. Being in this place is no party! At one point in my AOL career, I was debating whether or not to ask my manager for what I wanted: To go part-time. I had recently been accepted to grad school and I quickly determined that continuing to do 60-hour weeks at AOL along with grad school while finalizing my divorce was too much.

I didn’t want to leave AOL altogether, but part-time was an oxymoron at that place! And anyways, we didn’t have a part-time position in my group. Once I voiced my request I wondered if “the powers that be” would think I was pulling back and decide I should leave, like now. I was stuck and afraid. What to do? What to do? What to do?

I was stuck in this quandary. Then a way to get unstuck came to me. You see, Bodacious Women have the courage to figure out what to do in uncomfortable situations. You can use it, too, for those sticky, stucky moments. Here it is:

1. Imagine the worst-case scenario of the decision you’re trying to make or the risk you want to take.

Sit down, tell it to a friend or someone you trust, and paint the complete picture with all the events, people, and especially your feelings. From your cozy chair, experience as much as possible what the worst case would feel like.

2. Ask yourself what you would do if this worse case happened.

What would you do? What would you say? To whom? How might they react? How would you react? If you can answer these kind of questions with some degree of confidence, then you can handle it. It may not be fun, it may not be pretty, but you can handle it. Likely, you’ve handled something at least as intense before. Remember?

3. Ask yourself the likelihood of the worst case happening.

Most of the time, we paint the most horrible picture, and then it doesn’t materialize. It’s a great monument to our imagination. Perhaps more of us should write movie screenplays. So, something between Terrific! and Ugh! is probably reality. Hey, good news! You’ve already determined you can handle that, too. Piece of cake. Make a decision and go for it!

Celebrating Spunky Ethel & All Bodacious Moms

Copyright 2006 Mary Foley

Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that this little Irish girl - whose grandmother nicknamed herself Spunky Ethel - wrote a book entitled "Bodacious!" Spunky Ethel is my bodacious mother of origin and her legacy continues to this day through all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren, especially the female ones.

Bodacious moms are a powerful influence. I have very clear memories of my grandmother picking me up after school, and taking time to focus on me and my world. Sitting at the Roses discount store lunch counter, she taught me how a little love and chocolate cake can melt away the stresses of grade school. Later, as a teenager, I remember one hot day pulling up in front of her home to find her perched outside, drinking a can of beer through a straw…with all the class and charm of her elegant dinner parties of years before. She had spunk all right; she was living life on her own terms.

Spunky Ethel passed this independent thinking to my mom as well. I remember my mom telling me stories about her mom encouraging her to take solo bus trips downtown as an adolescent. My mom describes it as a wondrous, enlightening experience that grew her understanding of the world and her confidence. Like any parent, Spunky Ethel wanted her daughter to experience even more opportunity as a woman. Though Grandma was only able to attend a few years of college, she made sure her daughter would be able to graduate. I can only imagine how proud they both must have been when my mom received her diploma at graduation.

My mom passed that same strong sense of self-worth and the ability to create the life you want to her daughters. When I was growing up social norms regarding women were dramatically changing, but nothing guaranteed that I'd seek my own place in these opportunities. My mom (and dad) instilled in me the responsibility to decide what I wanted to do and then use the best of my abilities. That's why my book's dedication reads: "For my parents Charles and Donna Foley who believed I could be anything I wanted." "This too shall pass" was one of Spunky Ethel's favorite phrases. How right she was, not only regarding the moment's circumstances, but also concerning our time together. She strove to make each encounter meaningful. And it was in those encounters that I learned what it meant to be a bodacious woman. To Spunky Ethel, my bodacious mom, and all bodacious moms out there, I salute you!

7 Surefire Self Defense Tips Criminals Want Women To Never Learn.

Self defense tips for women. Are you at risk? What makes a woman a perfect target? Here are 7 ultimate techniques and weaknesses criminals who were interviewed look for to take advantage of you. These tips aren’t just for the busy holidays either. It’s all about keeping your awareness all year round. Follow these tips and you can protect yourself from becoming one of this year’s next statistics.

1. Coming up to my vehicle, did I look around - aware of who is near it? Am ...

Self defense tips for women. Are you at risk? What makes a woman a perfect target? Here are 7 ultimate techniques and weaknesses criminals who were interviewed look for to take advantage of you. These tips aren’t just for the busy holidays either. It’s all about keeping your awareness all year round. Follow these tips and you can protect yourself from becoming one of this year’s next statistics.

1. Coming up to my vehicle, did I look around - aware of who is near it? Am I walking my packages in a cart or carrying them in my hand? Criminals interviewed say they want to attack the woman who is walking alone and not aware of her surroundings. Always put shopping bags in a cart. This allows you ample time to react if someone is approaching you. If you’re carrying bags, this renders your hands useless to protect yourself and gives a criminal a bonus. Remember… the buddy system. Late night shopping always needs to be a ‘girl’s night out’ affair.

2. Are my keys already in my hand before leaving the store giving me self defense protection? Again, awareness plays a huge part. Also, with a key in hand, it can be a terrific weapon if you’re suddenly grabbed.

3. Am I talking on the cell phone …fixing my hair… counting my change… writing in the checkbook…and not paying attention? Paying attention is the key. Take care of all that ‘stuff’ in the store. NOT in the parking lot, or outside of the vehicle.

4. Is there anyone loitering around my vehicle… if so… are they suspicious enough to making me go back into the store? Don’t think your being silly. NO SUCH THING. Especially when your safety is on the line. If you’re not comfortable with walking to your car, ask security to accompany you or if there isn’t security available, a store manager will do it – it is their job. That’s what they are getting paid to do.

5. Is my vehicle in a well-lit area? Is it easily visible to passer-bys? If I can’t see my car really well, who can? Criminals say they do not want to be noticed, recognized, or slowed down in any way. If you’re not easily seen by others at a mall or store, that makes you a perfect target for a criminal.

6. If I have automatic keyless entry, did I hit the unlock button twice … making it easy for someone to get into my passenger side door? Get into the habit of opening just your driver’s side door. New technology is wonderful when you’re with others, loading packages, during the day. But, at night when your field of vision is limited, don’t take any chances. Criminals are hoping that you’ll make their job easier for them.

7. If I am approached by someone – no matter how much help I need, it’s OK to turn them down. Remember, criminals will do and say anything they can to gain your trust. DON”T FALL FOR IT!!! If a stranger wants to help you with your bags, tell them no, thank you. If they still insist, tell them no again. Criminal interviews revealed that they will try to play on a victim heartstrings to get access to the vehicle, a purse, or for the vehicle keys - and move-in for the attack when trust is gained and it’s at least expected.

If you are unable to load packages into your vehicle, ask help from the store – they would be glad to help. It’s their job.