Fight for your Self-Worth!

Self-Worth; this is a word that is so much easier to say, and spell then it is to feel!

Why do so many women feel that they have no self-worth?
How did they lose it?

Is it because of the way the world has portrayed the perfect woman today?

Is it because someone took it from them?

Is that the void some fill by over eating?

Did their partner breach a trust?

Did their partner fall into the grips of the world of pornography?

Does their partner demean them with insults about how they look?

Did their partner continuously admire other women?

Did they grow up being ridiculed by a family member?

Have they been suffering from a controlling illness?

Were they bullied and criticized through their school years?

Were they sexually abused as a child?

Were they laughed at in a moment of vulnerability?

Were they ever raped?

All of these experiences definitely play a part in pouring a woman's self-worth right down the drain. The people causing these kind of negative actions are totally responsible for tearing down a woman's worth. To tear down a persons self-worth is one of the cruelest ways to treat a human being. It is a no win situation for that person. They cannot fight back. They are being attacked with a blindfold on. You have succeeded in humiliating them, and you have won that battle. Well, that's not a real brag story, because anyone can win against innocence. The true win is when the battle turns around. The true win is when the person who has lost their self-worth, stands up and takes that control back.

For those of you that have been through this battle and are struggling to just get up on an elbow, or feel empty inside and so alone that you wonder why you even get up in the morning, you can beat this!

Listen to me! You are not responsible for falling, or losing the battle. But you are TOTALLY responsible for getting back up. Yes that's right, it is you that has to pull it together. I know, it's a joke to even think about it, but you need to go back as far back as you can and find a place where in your mind that will make you smile. If you cannot, then try to think of someone that you know that is hurting more deeply that yourself and use that knowledge as your motivation. Go there in your mind. Use that thought to give you a reason to get up and pull yourself together. Your self-worth is worth fighting for. You are as strong as your greatest strength. You will always be stronger than your greatest weaknesses. Those weaknesses will never win against your strengths.

You have been hurt and raped of one of your most sacred emotions, self-worth. Now you want it back, so take it back. It is right there inside of you. You just have buried it under all your dirty laundry, so to speak. You can go on feeling empty if you want. Noone will care, not for long anyway. You can continue to use drugs, alcohol, or even food to fill that empty lonely void inside of you. You can miss out on life because you are forgetting to fight and it is so much easier to fall into the pity pit. You can spend the rest of every second worrying that if you even try to gain back some of your self-worth, you will fail and feel even more lonely. Well, you might just fail the first try, the second and the third. You may even feel that it's hopeless. If you give into that feeling, then you are letting yourself down. You have now become responsible for losing your chance at regaining your self-worth. You are allowing whatever it was that tore you apart in the first place to take control of your everything. You are allowing a memory to defeat you. There is no person there now; it's just a thought. A memory that you are allowing to ruin what little time you have on this earth. Why are you doing that? You know you can stop it. You know how! I have repeated myself so many times and I will continue to repeat this. -HABITS- positive habits of thinking. You must reconstruct your thought patterns to think WIN..not to think LOSE! You must make a new commitment to yourself, one that you can reach out and touch!

I understand the strength of negative thinking, and I have felt its power many, many times. To the point that I could hardly feel myself breathe. That was when I knew that I, and only I could stop it. It was inside of me. It was not standing beside me or next to me or behind me. It was ME! Inside of you, is where you must look and dig for the real you. Not the you that has been scarred and hurt, but the you that can smile and laugh and appreciate all the good things in life. There still are many good things if you will just open your positive side and allow them to reach you. The more positive thoughts that you fill yourself with, the less negative thoughts can survive. Also you must be honest with what your bad habits are and where they are taking you. Identify with them and how they are bringing you down, instead of up. These are bad habits that you have allowed to run your life. Now, as you have invited them in, you will simply un-invite them. Additionally, say no to abusing Drugs, Alcohol and yes FOOD!

In order to strengthen the mental you, you must also strengthen the physical you. I don`t mean be a body builder or an Olympic athlete. I just mean a healthier you, a you that you want to be!

Remember whatever it was that brought you down in yourself is in the past. If you continue to allow the pain to live inside of you, you will suffer. The past is over and there is no suffering on your part that will erase it. So get on with life. Search deep inside of you and bring back who you are. Bring back the person you can smile at in the mirror. Bring back the person you talk to all the time. Bring back the person that you were meant to be. Bring back you, and then you will have your self-worth back!

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I am goodness.

I am all my goodness.

Even when I feel I am less,

I am always more!

David Viscott

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Questions to Ask Before Volunteering - Obligation

Volunteering is one of the most rewarding things you will do. You will receive as much for giving your time as the ones that benefit from your hard work. Volunteering will also be a frustrating experience if you do not consider the answers to a few questions before you commit your time and energy. One of these questions is "Do you know what your true obligation will be?"

It has been my experience that the one that will be doing the volunteer work must estimate the amount of time required. In almost every situation where I have considered a volunteer position in the past, I was told it would take considerably less time than what I felt was needed to do a quality job.

They may be concerned that you will be scared off if you knew how many hours it would really take. Maybe they don’t have the skills required to assess the amount of time it would actually take. It may also be that they are stating what someone else told them and the estimate was not based on the current tasks and circumstances.

Regardless of what you are told about the amount of time it will take and the skills that will be required, be sure you learn enough about the expectations of the job to make your own informed decision. By doing this, you will know if you will be able to give your volunteering responsibilities the attention they deserve while also considering the other important priorities in your life. If you believe the commitment will be considerably more than you can bear, find another volunteer opportunity that will be a better match for you. Once you participate in positive volunteer experiences over time, you will find ways to dedicate more time to volunteer.

How to Make More Time for Giving

Do you have a desire to spend more time giving to others but you don't know where the time is going to come from? Have you tried several time management approaches all of which gave limited results or didn't last beyond a few weeks or days? I had the same problem and so did my friend David.

David Perdew has just written a new book called "Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust", is developing and teaching an online course, makes time for his family, and works a full-time job. Some students in his class have recently stated they don't know how he does it all. I recently talked with David about his "secret." It was no surprise that he has learned what I have.

You need to determine what your values and life purpose are and then spend your time doing those things that are most important to fulfilling them. Everything else should be delegated to someone else or not done at all. If giving to others is high on your list of values, you will make the time to do it more and feel great about it.

I spent the energy to determine my values and life purpose in my mid-forties. Some people might think I was going through a mid-life crisis (or man-o-pause as my friend Nick would call it). You are never too young or old to take your life purpose seriously.

The following two books were very useful to me and I highly recommend them both:

- "The Power To Be Your Best" by Todd Duncan
- "The Purpose-Driven Life" by Rick Warren

If you don't know your life purpose at this point in your life, you need to take the time to discover it. It will be a life changing experience.

How Much Time is Worth Volunteering?

I am amazed by the number of people that I hear from who apologize for only being able to volunteer one or two hours a week. Some of them don't feel like the time they have to contribute can make a difference. Some even avoid volunteering because they consider their potential contribution a waste of time. Does this describe you?

This way of thinking couldn't be further from the truth! Let me prove it to you by walking you through a short exercise. It will only take you a few minutes to do this exercise, but it will be worth it.

* Think back over your life and make a list of every person that had a positive impact on you.

* Once your list is complete, write down the amount of time it took them to make that contribution.

* Review your list for at least one person that helped or encouraged you in a short amount of time.

Most people that do this exercise will uncover memories of several individuals that contributed to their life in a positive way. Many of those did it through something they said or a small gesture they made. If they could do it for you, you can do it for others!

There is someone in this world that is waiting for you to donate whatever time you can afford to make their life and the world around them a little bit better. Don't let your thoughts of wanting to have more time keep you from giving to that person today.

The Wisdom of Uncertainty

There is really only one certainty in life. Life is uncertain. We often live as though nothing will change, but it does. This continuous battle between wanting things to stay the same and finding that nothing does stay the same creates something inside us. This creation of constant change is a movement, a force of nature, and a guiding path.

This movement within us and outside us is the spirit of living, of which, we all take part in. None of us can predict the future. This creates uncertainty on the human level, yet we all learn to trust and even welcome change in the deepest part of who we are. No one is perfect, we wake up each day with the opportunity to create something different in every moment.

When we come to expect the unexpected, we are beginning to trust in a wisdom greater than knowledge to lead us through each day. Religious communities call this the path of God, science calls this higher consciousness, but for our purposes - let's call this the path we were meant to follow with certainty in uncertainty.

To move toward something we cannot see creates uneasiness. This part of us is our human nature. Our human nature wants things in life to be predictable. At the same time, there are things in human existence that we are also glad to leave behind and in the past.

Have you ever noticed how the heart and the mind feel like they are being pulled forward by a magnetic force when we follow what we cannot see or feel? It is as though our whole body/self is being drawn into an experience. This pathless path is one we all take each day and each moment.

Wonder what would happen if you were to live for these moments and find joy in them? I suspect you would find yourself becoming more and more living in the state of anticipated joy. This does not mean that nothing in the future will be sad, but you can begin to accept each moment with anticipated joy in knowing that the awareness of this anticipated joy will fill you. It will be the filling of your body with the joy of living. The joy of living fully in soul. And, the uncertainty of the future will be met with joyful trust that all will be known when the time is right for us to know.

Such a journey was known to us as a child. Do you remember laying on the ground and finding yourself breathing in the aroma of the ground and grass? As an adult, I suspect you don't have such clarity with your senses. Let us never forget that child inside us that knew how to play all day and never tire. Our creativity was endless and filled with anticipated joy in knowing that what was about to be created next would be fun.

Samuel Oliver, author of, "What the Dying Teach Us: Lessons on Living"

The Heart-Warming Gratitude

Thank you very much. I am obliged. Gratitude, a quality that is a must to live a good life. Gratitude, a quality that makes both the giver and the receiver happy. Somebody helped me and I forgot about it. Somebody helped me and I remembered it and said thanks. What is better? Many of us forget to thank. We take everything for granted. We take help as our right.

How many of us express gratitude towards earth for allowing us to live on it? How many of us express gratitude towards sun for giving us its light and life to us? How many of us express gratitude to water for quenching our thirst? How many of us say thanks to flowers for making us happy? All of us take these for granted. We don't express gratitude to our own body to survive in this world. Gratitude has a great quality. It makes one who expresses gratitude feel very good. Try it and you will find your heart filling with warmth.

Husband takes wife for granted and vice versa. People are forgetting the art of saying thank you. Why not make other person feel good? By receiving a thanks, the recipient feels worthy. I am a good person. I did something good, so I am getting this Thanks. Why should we miss even the smallest opportunity to express thanks? It costs us nothing. But it is invaluable for one who gets it. Even the smallest gesture made by any body deserves our gratitude. A cab driver, a flower seller, a guard, an attendant, a waiter, everyone who does anything for us, should be told- Thank you very much.

Life is tough for all of us. There is no charm left for many of us in the routine of work. A thank you brings beauty in a dull life. Like a rainbow in the sky, an expression of thanks decorates the heart of the giver and the recipient. The way rain quenches the dry earth, gratitude quenches the desires of hearts to feel good. It quenches the thirst of the hearts. Let us all express our heart warming gratitude and make our earth a better place.

Being Flexible

When you think about being flexible, what do you think of first? Which aspects of being flexible are important, which are essential, and which ones can you take or leave? You be the judge.

In each of our lives, there will be times of joy and times of sorrow. In pain, we are born. In pain, we leave the world. Somewhere in the midst of living, growing, and understanding life in our maturity, we find ourselves seeking to find what we were born with. Innocence is precious. We really never lose it. We might for a time lose innocence, but life is too large for one perceptual being to embrace fully with the mind and the heart.

Innocence comes alive the moment we realize life is beyond our control, our ability to perceive, and our emotional capacity to feel. It is here we realize that life is beyond our control and we open our hearts and mind to something greater than ourselves. Our ego finds its proper place in our lives and we shift from being the central core of life's existence and attention to something much greater. At this point, we begin to place our life, our heart, our mind, and our soul into the very wisdom that has created us.

I trust that what you've read so far has been informative. The following section should go a long way toward clearing up any uncertainty that may remain.

This movement from self-centered awareness to life-centered awareness allows us to perceive and have revealed to us information greater than what we know life to be to what can be known through us. Here, we become flexible with life, instead of, life having to go our way. This level of knowing creates a 6th sense, a super sense of awareness, an awareness in higher consciousness. We become more soul than body at this point. We become the awareness that brought us into this world. We become spiritual beings having a human experience. We become sons and daughters of the Universe.

When we remember who we are. We re - member ourselves back into the awareness at birth and at death. This awareness is with us always. We sometimes forget who we are. But, when we re - member who we are. We reconnect ourselves into the sense of knowing we grow through life and we also go through life. Through it all, our soul is in process of maturing and in process of remembering. With this in mind, our ups and our downs find consolation in our essence - in our spirit.

Now might be a good time to write down the main points covered above. The act of putting it down on paper will help you remember what's important about flexible.

100% Attitude

The effect your attitude has on everything – some steps to improve it.

Your attitude will determine a lot, we’ve all heard the glass half full or glass half empty way off looking at things, both are the same thing, but are vastly different as well.  You have the ability to transform your life and reach new heights of success and fulfilment. Whether at this moment in time your attitude is positive, negative or somewhere in the middle you can take control of your life and set yourself free!  Everyone has potential, the unfortunate thing is that most people go through life and never realise or take advantage of this!

Firstly you must visualize what you want - you the dreams everyone has – unfortunately most people leave them as just that, dreams.  The second thing that you must do is see yourself in your dream environment, and see yourself getting there.  I can, I will and when I are the things you must say rather than the negative version I can’t, I won’t and if I!  Don’t worry if you fall into a more negative category – the good thing about attitude is that you can learn and train yourself to have a positive one given a bit of time and practice.

You’ve told yourself that it is going to happen and now must talk about it by doing this you are making yourself accountable and putting yourself under a little pressure to make it happen!  If you dream is to be on Millionaire Street and you are currently in debt – you must realise that this dream is not going to happen overnight in may take a few years – you don’t go around saying you are going to be a millionaire by next Thursday afternoon in three weeks time!  Don’t set unrealistic targets otherwise you may put yourself under undue stress and pressure to achieve, which can be detrimental to your cause.

Attitude isn’t everything – it is simply the first thing!  Remember it’s going to be action that actually gets you there and the attitude will determine what pace that will be.  You are the architect, the builder and the benefactor of all your life’s endeavours.  So when something doesn’t go your way the first place to look is inwards.  You must ask yourself what you could have done differently to have gotten a more favourable result, after this inward analysis is done then you look at some of the external issues that may have been amiss too.

Everyone has their fears; I don’t mean things like scared of the dark or spiders etc.  I am talking about fears to do with success, for example, it might be something that you haven’t learnt to do yet, and you fear that you may fail.  Remember that if you don’t try you fail anyway, and if you do fail sometimes then success is that much sweeter because you actually had to get over obstacles to get to the end result.

In summary we’ll use something interesting to illustrate a point.  There are 26 letters in the alphabet, A = 1 and Z = 26 working on that basis we assign a number to each letter of the word attitude and add them up:
A(1) + T(20) + T(20) + I(9) + T(20) + U(21) + D(4) + E(5) = 100 - 100% Attitude!
Having a positive or optimistic attitude helps you to achieve more for yourself than a negative or pessimistic one.  Visualise what you want, take action to make it happen, overcome any fears and keep plugging away, remember that tree that you see in your local park didn’t get that big overnight.  You can learn to train your mind, and over time you will learn how to develop and maintain a positive attitude.