Tampilkan postingan dengan label relationships. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label relationships. Tampilkan semua postingan
Selasa, 07 Agustus 2012
Why Men Leave (The Fantasy Relationship)
Copyright 2006 Brenda Shoshanna
"What's life without a girl friend?" asks Jimmy, a tall, forty-five year old Sicilian man, an irresistible charmer. "I never say good-bye to one without a few more waiting in the wings," he says. "It keeps me going. Is that so bad?" Then he flashes his boyish grin.
Although he never stays long, Jimmy has strong opinions on male female relationships. "There's a conflict of roles, with no roles clearly defined. "Women want monogamous relationships. Men don't want to get trapped. Men get guilty about leaving though. Believe it or not, it's hard to leave. We men do get guilty. Whatever we do we end up feeling like rats.”
Underneath all this are his feelings of dependency. Jimmy believes a man is nothing compared to a woman."A man really wants a woman to run the show," he says easily. "A guy doesn't know what's going on. But he also wants the woman to let him think he's running it. If women could only understand that -boy. It's a subtle thing.
Commenting on this issue, Dr. Robert Berk, says, "There are a lot of men who can't tolerate their own dependency on women because they experience it as emasculating. They therefore withdraw. Some downgrade the woman to make her appear a lot less valuable than she really is to them." Jimmy compensates by having as many women around as he can. This way he won't be the one to be left - an unbearable ego blow.
"A man likes a strong woman," Jimmy continued, "but she should be strong in subtle ways. In order to have a really terrific woman that he wouldn't want to leave, a man has to be confident that his love was strong enough for her so she wouldn't go somewhere else. Good women are too much for most men."
When Jimmy finally found the woman of his dreams, he saw her twice, and after that, wouldn't ever see her again. "The magic was really something. I held her close, we laughed a lot, she was terrific. Neither of us could part. It was perfect. At the end of the night we didn't take each other's numbers. We just had our night and said good-bye. We both said to each other we hoped we never saw each other again. You see, we created this incredible illusion for two nights, but could we do it again?
After what happened that night, well, it can't get better than that? I'm gonna live off that memory the rest of my life." For Jimmy, and many men like him, being truly happy, and affirmed in love can only happen in the world of illusion.
He was determined to hold onto this woman and the two nights they spent together exactly as they had been. He needed it badly. At all costs he didn't want the fantasy to be destroyed, or to see aspects of himself or her that didn't fit in.
When a man is seeking illusion, fantasy, and escape from painful conflict or feelings of low self-esteem, a brief, magical experience, in which no one is tested, becomes a substitute for real love. A fantasy love cannot be threatened or damaged. It also cannot be taken away. Of course, the contradiction inherent in this situation is that holding onto this fantasy keeps the possibility of ongoing, sustaining love away.
Cc/Brenda Shoshanna/2006
Jumat, 27 Mei 2011
Marriage Counseling: Using Games to Reduce Tension
Marriage is one of the most enjoyable but also one of the most painful experiences that people undergo. It carries with it the whiff of romance and eternal bliss, but sometimes you get a pack of thorns instead.
How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.
Maybe your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.
Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?
Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?
What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.
Isn't that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.
Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.
Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time, after its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.
Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves like give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.
Conclusion:
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.
How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.
Maybe your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.
Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?
Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?
What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.
Isn't that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.
Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.
Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time, after its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.
Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves like give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.
Conclusion:
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.
Sabtu, 04 September 2010
Don't Quarrel, Work Out Your Conflict Styles
Your conflict management style is your particular way of responding to conflict with others. Life experience causes all of us to acquire preferences and habits of how to respond to conflict and we tend to use these over and over again. This is is your conflict management style.
What you should know about conflict management styles.
1. You function better if you know what your preferred styles are. When you don't know your preferences clearly, you run on autopilot and react blindly. If you know your preferences, you can more easily make good, conscious choices. For example, if you know your tendency is to avoid conflict, you will be better able to decide whether avoiding is really the most useful response the next time you get in a conflict.
2. You can dramatically improve your ability to deal with differences constructively in any relationship if you openly discuss your conflict style management style preferences with others. When people know and understand each other's style, they are less reactive. They are more likely to be patient with each other's responses.
Having such a discussion is almost always a positive experience. There is nothing difficult about saying, "These are my preferred styles of dealing with differences." Most people find such a conversation encouraging, enlightening, and enjoyable. People who live or work together benefit greatly from having such a discussion. Choose a time and place when you are relaxed and not in the middle of a fight.
3. There are five basic styles of dealing with conflict:
- Directing (highly assertive and not concerned about relationships). "Here is what we are going to do (my way, of course)...."
- Harmonizing (very concerned with relationships and not assertive). "Whatever you say is fine with me (I just want to keep you happy)....
- Avoiding (neither assertive nor concerned with relationships). "I'd rather not talk about it right now (better to do nothing than have a disagreement)..."
- Cooperating (assertive but also concerned with the relationship). "Here is how I'd like to do it, but I'd also like to hear what you think we should do (If we just state our differences openly, I'm sure we can figure out a way to keep us both happy)...."
- Compromising (medium assertive and medium concern for relationship). "I'll back off a bit from what I'd prefer if you'll back off some too (Nobody should expect to get everything they want)...."
4. There is no right and wrong style. Each conflict management style has its own strengths and weaknesses. The goal is simply to know these and then choose the right style for the situation you are in.
5. You can bring out the best in other people if you know the preferences that are associated with each conflict management style. For example, a preference to always begin with connecting as persons before settling down to serious business is usually strong in people who prefer Harmonzing.
A preference to think things through carefully is common among people who prefer Avoiding. Therefore it is important not to demand instant answers from an Avoider. You can easily learn these preferences and this knowledge will help you a lot in bringing out the best in the people around you.
For several decades human relations trainers and teachers of conflict resolution skills have used conflict management style inventories to help people get a clear sense of their own preferences. Two of the most widely used are the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument and Style Matters.
How to Use Conflict Styles in Working with Other People
If you understand conflict management styles, you can often immediately sense what another person will need to feel comfortable. Below are sample "hot tips", excerpted from Style Matters:
How to bring out the best in someone who prefers the Directing conflict management style
- People who prefer the Directing style are task oriented. They are often highly productive and concerned to get the job done. They are good crisis managers and want results. Engage them and let them know you are committed to getting the job done or resolving the issue satisfactorily.
- If you need time to think things through, Directors are usually fine if you ask for this, so long as you indicate your commitment to returning to resolve things. You will get a more positive response if you state clearly when you will come back (e.g., in an hour, or tomorrow at nine o'clock, etc).
How to bring out the best in someone who prefers Avoiding
- More than any other style, Avoiders benefit from an offer to give them time and/or space to withdraw and think things through. You are more likely to get a "yes" answer on anything you need from them if you use a "two-step" approach. First, let the Avoider know you want something from them and you'd like them to think about this. Then return later - an hour, a day, a week - and hear their response.
- Stay low-key. The more intense or demanding you are, the more likely the Avoider will go into deeper withdrawal.
How to bring out the best in someone who prefers Harmonizing
- Harmonizers want to please and be pleased. Pay attention to small social niceties. More than other styles, Harmonizers are positively affected by gestures of thoughtfulness - a kind note, an appreciative comment, a card, flowers, a chocolate bar, etc.
- You will get more cooperativeness in doing serious work with Harmonizers if you use a two-step approach. First, connect with them as human beings. Ask how they are doing, inquire about a family member, tease a little, thank them for something, etc. Then, and only then, settle down to business. The human connection always comes before work for Harmonizers - an insight that may be especially difficult for task-oriented Directors to remember.
- Stay light. Seriousness or heaviness quickly stirs anxiety in Harmonizers and makes it hard for them to function well. Use humor. Appreciate their good qualities out loud.
Copyright Ron Kraybill 2006.
What you should know about conflict management styles.
1. You function better if you know what your preferred styles are. When you don't know your preferences clearly, you run on autopilot and react blindly. If you know your preferences, you can more easily make good, conscious choices. For example, if you know your tendency is to avoid conflict, you will be better able to decide whether avoiding is really the most useful response the next time you get in a conflict.
2. You can dramatically improve your ability to deal with differences constructively in any relationship if you openly discuss your conflict style management style preferences with others. When people know and understand each other's style, they are less reactive. They are more likely to be patient with each other's responses.
Having such a discussion is almost always a positive experience. There is nothing difficult about saying, "These are my preferred styles of dealing with differences." Most people find such a conversation encouraging, enlightening, and enjoyable. People who live or work together benefit greatly from having such a discussion. Choose a time and place when you are relaxed and not in the middle of a fight.
3. There are five basic styles of dealing with conflict:
- Directing (highly assertive and not concerned about relationships). "Here is what we are going to do (my way, of course)...."
- Harmonizing (very concerned with relationships and not assertive). "Whatever you say is fine with me (I just want to keep you happy)....
- Avoiding (neither assertive nor concerned with relationships). "I'd rather not talk about it right now (better to do nothing than have a disagreement)..."
- Cooperating (assertive but also concerned with the relationship). "Here is how I'd like to do it, but I'd also like to hear what you think we should do (If we just state our differences openly, I'm sure we can figure out a way to keep us both happy)...."
- Compromising (medium assertive and medium concern for relationship). "I'll back off a bit from what I'd prefer if you'll back off some too (Nobody should expect to get everything they want)...."
4. There is no right and wrong style. Each conflict management style has its own strengths and weaknesses. The goal is simply to know these and then choose the right style for the situation you are in.
5. You can bring out the best in other people if you know the preferences that are associated with each conflict management style. For example, a preference to always begin with connecting as persons before settling down to serious business is usually strong in people who prefer Harmonzing.
A preference to think things through carefully is common among people who prefer Avoiding. Therefore it is important not to demand instant answers from an Avoider. You can easily learn these preferences and this knowledge will help you a lot in bringing out the best in the people around you.
For several decades human relations trainers and teachers of conflict resolution skills have used conflict management style inventories to help people get a clear sense of their own preferences. Two of the most widely used are the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument and Style Matters.
How to Use Conflict Styles in Working with Other People
If you understand conflict management styles, you can often immediately sense what another person will need to feel comfortable. Below are sample "hot tips", excerpted from Style Matters:
How to bring out the best in someone who prefers the Directing conflict management style
- People who prefer the Directing style are task oriented. They are often highly productive and concerned to get the job done. They are good crisis managers and want results. Engage them and let them know you are committed to getting the job done or resolving the issue satisfactorily.
- If you need time to think things through, Directors are usually fine if you ask for this, so long as you indicate your commitment to returning to resolve things. You will get a more positive response if you state clearly when you will come back (e.g., in an hour, or tomorrow at nine o'clock, etc).
How to bring out the best in someone who prefers Avoiding
- More than any other style, Avoiders benefit from an offer to give them time and/or space to withdraw and think things through. You are more likely to get a "yes" answer on anything you need from them if you use a "two-step" approach. First, let the Avoider know you want something from them and you'd like them to think about this. Then return later - an hour, a day, a week - and hear their response.
- Stay low-key. The more intense or demanding you are, the more likely the Avoider will go into deeper withdrawal.
How to bring out the best in someone who prefers Harmonizing
- Harmonizers want to please and be pleased. Pay attention to small social niceties. More than other styles, Harmonizers are positively affected by gestures of thoughtfulness - a kind note, an appreciative comment, a card, flowers, a chocolate bar, etc.
- You will get more cooperativeness in doing serious work with Harmonizers if you use a two-step approach. First, connect with them as human beings. Ask how they are doing, inquire about a family member, tease a little, thank them for something, etc. Then, and only then, settle down to business. The human connection always comes before work for Harmonizers - an insight that may be especially difficult for task-oriented Directors to remember.
- Stay light. Seriousness or heaviness quickly stirs anxiety in Harmonizers and makes it hard for them to function well. Use humor. Appreciate their good qualities out loud.
Copyright Ron Kraybill 2006.
Minggu, 20 Juni 2010
Citas a Ciegas
Para todo aquel que busque encontrar su alma gemela, media naranja, amor, enamorarse, un compañero de emociones o como quieras llamarlo es algo difícil de encontrar. Para algunos desde ya no es algo complicado, les ha pasado a los 15 años, 18, 22, en fin ya comparten el día y la mayor parte de sus vidas con alguien desde hace mucho. A otros, sin embargo les es más complicado y duro de encontrar.
La experiencia de las citas a ciegas es algo inolvidable, bueno o malo puede ser interesante. Como dicen, la experiencia es cuando no encuentras lo que buscas. Sin embargo hay casos en que esta experiencia se vuelve en lo que uno busca.
Si eres de aquellos que creen en que un amigo, familia o alguien que te conoce puede llegar a tener a alguien con el cual encuentres lo que buscas, la pregunta es ¿Por qué no probar?
En mi caso personal, experimente varias citas a ciegas y amigas mías también lo hicieron. Algunas fueron sorprendentes, en el sentido de buenas y otras de malas. Es como un juego de ruleta una pequeña probabilidad en muchas de que salgas feliz o que algo interesante salga de ello.
Una amiga de mi mama quiso que conozca al hermano de su nuera. Cuando llegue al lugar de la cita y lo vi, rápidamente me di cuenta de que no era para mi pero quizás podía pasar un buen rato. El chico, trajo consigo un poema que había escrito y quería decírmelo. Era una situación muy rara e incomoda ya que el y yo no concordábamos en nada y no teníamos nada que ver. El problema era que la amiga de mi mama no me conocía tanto, y creía que si. Es por eso que la cita no funciono.
En el caso de mi hermana, al mudarse a un país nuevo la única forma de conocer gente y chicos era por medio de citas. Lo gracioso de la historia es que la señora de la lavandería le propuso salir con su hijo y ella acepto. Al llegar a la cita el chico tenía labio leporino y era nada atractivo en su aspecto. Mi hermana no podía disimular no mirar a su labio y en el medio de la cita encontró a otro chico en la mesa de enfrente que le gusto.
Mi amigo, que es gay y yo salimos hace unas semanas a una fiesta con una amiga mía. Los dos se hicieron amigos y ella le comento que tiene un amigo de su clase de la universidad que también es gay y es muy lindo. Entonces arreglaron que por que no se conocían. AL final de la noche intercambiaron teléfonos y quedo ella en hablar con su amigo. Su amigo acepto y se llamaron. Al encontrarse los dos no tenían nada de lo que hablar y el otro para hacer la cita más corto no pudo disimular su desinterés y hacia todo rápido para irse antes.
En fin, las citas a ciegas son algo que debes hacer si la persona que los conecta los conoce bien y puede llegar a saber que te gustara de la otra persona o que buscas. Sin embargo no hay certeza de que saldrás contento de una forma u otra. Puede pasar que de casualidad la persona te encante y que si tienes la mente abierta saldrás ganando.
La experiencia de las citas a ciegas es algo inolvidable, bueno o malo puede ser interesante. Como dicen, la experiencia es cuando no encuentras lo que buscas. Sin embargo hay casos en que esta experiencia se vuelve en lo que uno busca.
Si eres de aquellos que creen en que un amigo, familia o alguien que te conoce puede llegar a tener a alguien con el cual encuentres lo que buscas, la pregunta es ¿Por qué no probar?
En mi caso personal, experimente varias citas a ciegas y amigas mías también lo hicieron. Algunas fueron sorprendentes, en el sentido de buenas y otras de malas. Es como un juego de ruleta una pequeña probabilidad en muchas de que salgas feliz o que algo interesante salga de ello.
Una amiga de mi mama quiso que conozca al hermano de su nuera. Cuando llegue al lugar de la cita y lo vi, rápidamente me di cuenta de que no era para mi pero quizás podía pasar un buen rato. El chico, trajo consigo un poema que había escrito y quería decírmelo. Era una situación muy rara e incomoda ya que el y yo no concordábamos en nada y no teníamos nada que ver. El problema era que la amiga de mi mama no me conocía tanto, y creía que si. Es por eso que la cita no funciono.
En el caso de mi hermana, al mudarse a un país nuevo la única forma de conocer gente y chicos era por medio de citas. Lo gracioso de la historia es que la señora de la lavandería le propuso salir con su hijo y ella acepto. Al llegar a la cita el chico tenía labio leporino y era nada atractivo en su aspecto. Mi hermana no podía disimular no mirar a su labio y en el medio de la cita encontró a otro chico en la mesa de enfrente que le gusto.
Mi amigo, que es gay y yo salimos hace unas semanas a una fiesta con una amiga mía. Los dos se hicieron amigos y ella le comento que tiene un amigo de su clase de la universidad que también es gay y es muy lindo. Entonces arreglaron que por que no se conocían. AL final de la noche intercambiaron teléfonos y quedo ella en hablar con su amigo. Su amigo acepto y se llamaron. Al encontrarse los dos no tenían nada de lo que hablar y el otro para hacer la cita más corto no pudo disimular su desinterés y hacia todo rápido para irse antes.
En fin, las citas a ciegas son algo que debes hacer si la persona que los conecta los conoce bien y puede llegar a saber que te gustara de la otra persona o que buscas. Sin embargo no hay certeza de que saldrás contento de una forma u otra. Puede pasar que de casualidad la persona te encante y que si tienes la mente abierta saldrás ganando.
Minggu, 06 Juni 2010
Are you ready for LOVE?
Are you at a place in your life where you aren’t attracting the love you want?Has your current relationship lost its sizzle? What prevents you from being ‘in love’? How much energy do you exert NOT to love yourself or others? It takes more effort NOT to love, than to love.
Want More Love and Joy?
In order to make room for what you do want, you have to release and let go of the things you don’t want. To attract what you want, you will want to let go of everything that keeps you away from Love. Like attracts like.
Unless you want to continue on your current path, you are probably overdue of letting go of emotional pain of a break-up, past failures or the need for approval. Maybe you continuously seek recognition at work or have unrealistic expectations for yourself. Thoughts like, “I’m not attractive” or “I will never have a loving relationship” need to be purged.
What You Resist – Persists
As long as you continue to resist painful memories and limiting thoughts and beliefs you create separation. You create separation from your true self. You separate yourself from what you are ‘love’! And, love remains illusive.
Are you resisting painful experiences from your past? Are you doing everything you can to forget the past? Maybe you think that the more you put your past behind you, the less effect it will have on you.
Do you spend hours contemplating problems? When you focus on your problems, they persist. Your contempt for your problems fuels and strengthens them. The more energy you direct to your problems and pain, you create ‘stress’ and ‘dis-ease’.
Are You Holding on to Pain?
Do you find yourself watching endless hours of TV? Are you trying to escape emotional and spiritual pain by taking drugs or alcohol? Do you overeat to escape the pain? Do you use your computer for hours on end to escape? What distractions take you out of being present with what you are feeling? Stored up pain such as hatred, anger, fear, frustration, apathy, depression etc. become scattered in your body and energetic space.
Releasing Stuck Pain or Resistance
If you have ever been light-headed from hunger and then felt a sigh of contentment as you fed your body the perfect meal, you’ve experienced grounding. If you’ve ever melted into the back rub you got from a trusted person at the end of a stressful day, you’ve experienced being grounded.
Grounding is a simple process of connecting to the Earth that many people do naturally throughout the course of a day. Anything that brings you to the sense of pleasure and release is grounding. When you are grounded, you feel centered focused, and present.
People connect with their bodies and the Earth in many ways: through touch and body work, through eating, through being out in nature or in water, through contact with animals and through healthy sex. Visualizing, an imaginary grounding cord, is a way to release foreign energy from your body so that it can experience love and joy.
Create a Path for Releasing to Feel Safe and Happy
A grounding cord provides a way to flush out pent up energy and emotion so you can feel good about yourself. It is a way to move energy as it comes towards you, rather than letting it get stuck in the body. When foreign energy gets stuck in the body, it stops the natural flow of energy and might manifest as depression, a migraine headache, aches, pain, or eventually illness.
Effortless Release Every Day for More Love
Grounding works much like a drain or waterfall. When you pour water down the drain you probably never wonder ….:”where did it go?” Be patient with yourself and have fun with your new toy. Grounding becomes as natural like breathing or smiling with practice.
Consider releasing other people’s problems, your worries and anxiety that are weighing you down... Keep it simple and stay amused with yourself. Tune into being in harmony with this process of grounding and letting everything go effortlessly.
Grounding is such an invaluable tool in healing yourself that it’s worth taking the time to be sure you can do it easily and comfortably. With practice, you can train yourself to be connected with the earth all of the time. Don’t create any limits for yourself on how much you can release without effort.
Grounding Cord Visualization
To revitalize and refresh your body, mind and spirit take the first step by letting go with grounding. It is always the first step to all the subsequent steps in this book. From the base of your spine, make a connection to the healing planet energy to release excess energy and stabilize your body.
1. Close eyes but stay focused.
• Be aware of own body with your feet flat on the floor.
Create a mental image of line of energy between base of spine and the center of the planet.
• Connect a grounding cord into the center of earth.
• Secure the grounding cord snuggly at the base of your spine.
• Notice your breathing.
• Using the gravitational pull of the planet start to release foreign or stuck energy from your body and aura.
• Notice how your body feels while grounding. Imagine seeing stuck energy draining out of you.
Remember to:
1. Start your day with by grounding yourself.
2. Check in with yourself during the day to see if you have a grounding cord.
3. Notice what happens in your body as you release using your grounding cord.
Grounding is one way to bring your self back into alignment with your essence– love. Practice the following grounding meditation 10-15 minutes each day. The more you practice to better your results.
Amirah © 2006 All Rights Reserved.
You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
Want More Love and Joy?
In order to make room for what you do want, you have to release and let go of the things you don’t want. To attract what you want, you will want to let go of everything that keeps you away from Love. Like attracts like.
Unless you want to continue on your current path, you are probably overdue of letting go of emotional pain of a break-up, past failures or the need for approval. Maybe you continuously seek recognition at work or have unrealistic expectations for yourself. Thoughts like, “I’m not attractive” or “I will never have a loving relationship” need to be purged.
What You Resist – Persists
As long as you continue to resist painful memories and limiting thoughts and beliefs you create separation. You create separation from your true self. You separate yourself from what you are ‘love’! And, love remains illusive.
Are you resisting painful experiences from your past? Are you doing everything you can to forget the past? Maybe you think that the more you put your past behind you, the less effect it will have on you.
Do you spend hours contemplating problems? When you focus on your problems, they persist. Your contempt for your problems fuels and strengthens them. The more energy you direct to your problems and pain, you create ‘stress’ and ‘dis-ease’.
Are You Holding on to Pain?
Do you find yourself watching endless hours of TV? Are you trying to escape emotional and spiritual pain by taking drugs or alcohol? Do you overeat to escape the pain? Do you use your computer for hours on end to escape? What distractions take you out of being present with what you are feeling? Stored up pain such as hatred, anger, fear, frustration, apathy, depression etc. become scattered in your body and energetic space.
Releasing Stuck Pain or Resistance
If you have ever been light-headed from hunger and then felt a sigh of contentment as you fed your body the perfect meal, you’ve experienced grounding. If you’ve ever melted into the back rub you got from a trusted person at the end of a stressful day, you’ve experienced being grounded.
Grounding is a simple process of connecting to the Earth that many people do naturally throughout the course of a day. Anything that brings you to the sense of pleasure and release is grounding. When you are grounded, you feel centered focused, and present.
People connect with their bodies and the Earth in many ways: through touch and body work, through eating, through being out in nature or in water, through contact with animals and through healthy sex. Visualizing, an imaginary grounding cord, is a way to release foreign energy from your body so that it can experience love and joy.
Create a Path for Releasing to Feel Safe and Happy
A grounding cord provides a way to flush out pent up energy and emotion so you can feel good about yourself. It is a way to move energy as it comes towards you, rather than letting it get stuck in the body. When foreign energy gets stuck in the body, it stops the natural flow of energy and might manifest as depression, a migraine headache, aches, pain, or eventually illness.
Effortless Release Every Day for More Love
Grounding works much like a drain or waterfall. When you pour water down the drain you probably never wonder ….:”where did it go?” Be patient with yourself and have fun with your new toy. Grounding becomes as natural like breathing or smiling with practice.
Consider releasing other people’s problems, your worries and anxiety that are weighing you down... Keep it simple and stay amused with yourself. Tune into being in harmony with this process of grounding and letting everything go effortlessly.
Grounding is such an invaluable tool in healing yourself that it’s worth taking the time to be sure you can do it easily and comfortably. With practice, you can train yourself to be connected with the earth all of the time. Don’t create any limits for yourself on how much you can release without effort.
Grounding Cord Visualization
To revitalize and refresh your body, mind and spirit take the first step by letting go with grounding. It is always the first step to all the subsequent steps in this book. From the base of your spine, make a connection to the healing planet energy to release excess energy and stabilize your body.
1. Close eyes but stay focused.
• Be aware of own body with your feet flat on the floor.
Create a mental image of line of energy between base of spine and the center of the planet.
• Connect a grounding cord into the center of earth.
• Secure the grounding cord snuggly at the base of your spine.
• Notice your breathing.
• Using the gravitational pull of the planet start to release foreign or stuck energy from your body and aura.
• Notice how your body feels while grounding. Imagine seeing stuck energy draining out of you.
Remember to:
1. Start your day with by grounding yourself.
2. Check in with yourself during the day to see if you have a grounding cord.
3. Notice what happens in your body as you release using your grounding cord.
Grounding is one way to bring your self back into alignment with your essence– love. Practice the following grounding meditation 10-15 minutes each day. The more you practice to better your results.
Amirah © 2006 All Rights Reserved.
You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
Jumat, 07 Mei 2010
Bons Plans pour Mariage Express
Encore jeune et pas fortuné, pourquoi se privez de ce que la vie vus offre de plus précieux pour fonder une famille? Le mariage.
Alors qu'un mariage sur le vieux continent s'évalue entre 10 000 et 15 000 euros, las Vegas vous offre des prestations pour dix fois moins cher, et en plus sortant de l'ordinaire.
Que vous faut il faire. Bon, d'accord, il faut acheter le billet, mais ensuite?
Ensuite rien de plus simple, rendez vous au Bureau des Mariages (Clark County Marriage License - 201 Clark Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89155 - Tel. (702) 671-0600) munis des papiers suivants: carte d'identité prouvant que vous avez plus de 18 ans, en cas de précédent divorce, n'oubliez pas de prendre avec vous la copie de votre acte de divorce.
Ensuite, c'est à vous de voir.
Une simple cérémonie civile au Bureau des Mariages vous coûtera qu'une cinquantaine de dollars et ne durera qu'une demie heure.
Les célèbres chapelles long du Las Vegas strip reconnaissables par leur jardins de roses vous offres des services pour une somme comprise entre $200 et 500 dollars qui regroupent un forfait de mariage comprenant l'utilisation de la chapelle, la cérémonie de mariage, des fleurs, de la musique et des photos. Les forfaits plus coûteux comprennent plus d'extras comme le transfert depuis votre hôtel en limousine ou Elvis Presley comme témoin.
Ou encore, les casinos. Selon le thème que vous désirez pour votre mariage, rendez-vous soit l'hôtel Excalibur pour un médiéval,sinon MGM Grand a un mariage en montagnes russes, Treasure Island offre un mariage de pirates à bord de son bateau HMS Brittania et le Las Vegas Hilton propose un mariage Star Trek à bord du vaisseau spatial Enterprise avec des témoins Klingon et des invités Ferengi. Les prix varient alors de de 350 $ à 3500 $, voir d'avantage. Mais vous étes tout prets des salles de blackjack et des machines à sous.
Pour la Lune de Miel, en panne d'idées ou de sous? Pourquoi ne pas faire un tour du monde depuis Las Vegas?
Las Vegas, autre ses casinos, vous permet en effet de découvrir les sept merveilles du monde en un clin d'oeil. Vous voulez Paris et le charme de ses cafés? Pas de problème, rendez-vous au Paris Las Vegas! Ici, des votre arrivée, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de triomphe sans oublier le célèbre opéra Garnier vous accueillent a bras ouverts!Dans une architecture très Franchie style Haussmannien, vous retrouvez toutes les spécialités françaises et européennes au sein de ses fameux restaurants, sans oublier son casino.
Envie subite de vous dépayser. Rendez-vous Venetian! A Venise et ses gondoles... Quelle femme digne de ce nom ne souhaiterait pas passez sa lune de miel dans ce décor pittoresque, et rêvasser comme une jeune fille a l'aube de ses 20 ans, en attendant Casanova... Venez vous détendre au Venetian. Cet hôtel recrée pour vous les fameux canaux, les gondoles, les palais vénitiens et la réplique de la Piazza San Marco. Elégance et raffinement caractérisent le Venetian et ses 3000 chambres. Le Venetian abrite également une superbe galerie d'art avec le Guggenheim Hermitage Museum. Et pour découvrir encore plus de l'Italie, direction le Tuscany Suites Casino
Pour les nostalgiques d'Astérix et Obelix et du fameux Ave César, précipitez vous vite au Caesar's Palace! Conçue sur le modèle de la Rome antique, le Caesar's Palace accueille également des championnats du monde de boxe et des grands spectacles de vedette.
Envie de vous retrouvez sur une île paradisiaque? Essayer le Tahiti! Ses bananiers, les tropiques et les plages de sable fin, Pourquoi trop attendre.
Alors, qu'attendez vous pour passer la bague au doigt?
Alors qu'un mariage sur le vieux continent s'évalue entre 10 000 et 15 000 euros, las Vegas vous offre des prestations pour dix fois moins cher, et en plus sortant de l'ordinaire.
Que vous faut il faire. Bon, d'accord, il faut acheter le billet, mais ensuite?
Ensuite rien de plus simple, rendez vous au Bureau des Mariages (Clark County Marriage License - 201 Clark Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89155 - Tel. (702) 671-0600) munis des papiers suivants: carte d'identité prouvant que vous avez plus de 18 ans, en cas de précédent divorce, n'oubliez pas de prendre avec vous la copie de votre acte de divorce.
Ensuite, c'est à vous de voir.
Une simple cérémonie civile au Bureau des Mariages vous coûtera qu'une cinquantaine de dollars et ne durera qu'une demie heure.
Les célèbres chapelles long du Las Vegas strip reconnaissables par leur jardins de roses vous offres des services pour une somme comprise entre $200 et 500 dollars qui regroupent un forfait de mariage comprenant l'utilisation de la chapelle, la cérémonie de mariage, des fleurs, de la musique et des photos. Les forfaits plus coûteux comprennent plus d'extras comme le transfert depuis votre hôtel en limousine ou Elvis Presley comme témoin.
Ou encore, les casinos. Selon le thème que vous désirez pour votre mariage, rendez-vous soit l'hôtel Excalibur pour un médiéval,sinon MGM Grand a un mariage en montagnes russes, Treasure Island offre un mariage de pirates à bord de son bateau HMS Brittania et le Las Vegas Hilton propose un mariage Star Trek à bord du vaisseau spatial Enterprise avec des témoins Klingon et des invités Ferengi. Les prix varient alors de de 350 $ à 3500 $, voir d'avantage. Mais vous étes tout prets des salles de blackjack et des machines à sous.
Pour la Lune de Miel, en panne d'idées ou de sous? Pourquoi ne pas faire un tour du monde depuis Las Vegas?
Las Vegas, autre ses casinos, vous permet en effet de découvrir les sept merveilles du monde en un clin d'oeil. Vous voulez Paris et le charme de ses cafés? Pas de problème, rendez-vous au Paris Las Vegas! Ici, des votre arrivée, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de triomphe sans oublier le célèbre opéra Garnier vous accueillent a bras ouverts!Dans une architecture très Franchie style Haussmannien, vous retrouvez toutes les spécialités françaises et européennes au sein de ses fameux restaurants, sans oublier son casino.
Envie subite de vous dépayser. Rendez-vous Venetian! A Venise et ses gondoles... Quelle femme digne de ce nom ne souhaiterait pas passez sa lune de miel dans ce décor pittoresque, et rêvasser comme une jeune fille a l'aube de ses 20 ans, en attendant Casanova... Venez vous détendre au Venetian. Cet hôtel recrée pour vous les fameux canaux, les gondoles, les palais vénitiens et la réplique de la Piazza San Marco. Elégance et raffinement caractérisent le Venetian et ses 3000 chambres. Le Venetian abrite également une superbe galerie d'art avec le Guggenheim Hermitage Museum. Et pour découvrir encore plus de l'Italie, direction le Tuscany Suites Casino
Pour les nostalgiques d'Astérix et Obelix et du fameux Ave César, précipitez vous vite au Caesar's Palace! Conçue sur le modèle de la Rome antique, le Caesar's Palace accueille également des championnats du monde de boxe et des grands spectacles de vedette.
Envie de vous retrouvez sur une île paradisiaque? Essayer le Tahiti! Ses bananiers, les tropiques et les plages de sable fin, Pourquoi trop attendre.
Alors, qu'attendez vous pour passer la bague au doigt?
Sabtu, 03 April 2010
Approaching Women: The Simple Event That Changed My Life
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
It was a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon. I was going to visit my girlfriend later in the day, but until then it was time to run the usual slate of typical, mundane errands.
Even though I was in a relationship at the time, I had learned from my research on men and women that ‘style’ was important—so I had some nice jeans and a button down shirt on. My belt and my shoes matched, and I was in “Successful Guy Saturday Casual” mode.
After a quick trip to the post office and a stop at the bicycle shop, it was time to go to Target. I needed several things, so I got a cart.
I had checked off toothpaste, light bulbs and a couple items from the automotive department when I happened to see someone I knew at the end of the aisle. I had only met her once, but she was a friend of my girlfriend’s. So I knew I had better say “hello”. After all, “making nice” with the girlfriend’s friends is always a plus.
She didn’t appear to notice who I was, so as I reached where she was I tapped her shoulder with the back of my hand and said (simply), “Hey!”. She turned and responded back with a reciprocal “Hey!”, with a warm smile and that classic “eyebrow flash” that the body-language books talk about.
“So it looks like even superheroes like you and I still have to shop for normal, everyday stuff at the Target, right?”, I said, noticing a few stray items in her shopping cart.
“I suppose!”, she acknowledged with a laugh.
I continued with very typical small talk after that. As the conversation continued, I started feeling something strange…if not downright creepy.
My girlfriend’s friend, if my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, was starting to behave in a manner that I would ALMOST call…FLIRTATIOUS.
I was caught off guard. After all, if what I was seeing was really happening, it was COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. After all, not only was I dating this woman's friend…this woman was MARRIED!
So I maintained that 18” distance that social mores dictate is proper, while continuing with perfectly normal conversation. But soon, there was no denying the body language. She was clearly enjoying the interaction, and eventually made a comment or two that were unmistakably forward.
At this point I was going OUT OF MY WAY to not appear romantically interested in return. Yet, I couldn’t help the thoughts that were racing in my mind. This woman was CLEARLY ATTRACTED to me. On top of the impropriety of it all, I was struck by the IMPROBABILITY of it all. This woman was 15 years my junior and at least FIVE INCHES TALLER than me!
Now, let me level-set here. My girlfriend at the time was a beautiful woman, and her friend was likewise very attractive. So here we had a situation where a woman who was NOT MY TYPE AT ALL, and indeed not one of the ones I would immediately picture going after a guy like me, was UNQUESTIONABLY INTERESTED.
At that point I realized that this conversation needed to end…and SOON, for obvious reasons. To that effect I said, “Well, time to get back to shopping. But I’ll tell [my girlfriend’s name] you said ‘hello’.”
There was a slight pause. Then a quizzical look from the woman.
“Uh…who’s [my girlfriend’s name]?”, she wondered. I looked back with an equally querulous expression. “…Aren’t you Jennifer?”
“Um…nooooooo…my name is Felicia.”
With my mind racing in several different directions, I happened to look down and noticed there was no ring on her left hand.
I spontaneously laughed, and explained to her what had just happened. The woman really was a dead ringer for who I thought she was.
She responded with warm eyes and a feminine giggle. “So that’s…IT...?”, she said with one raised eyebrow and a motion of the hand to indicate continuation. I politely ended the conversation there anyway, of course, because I had a girlfriend, and returned to shopping.
But I was changed forever.
Why?
I had read time and again about how something like 90% of men have some fear of approaching women. Furthermore, I had read about how the single most important factor in GETTING OVER that fear is to simply GO OUT AND MEET WOMEN. The problem is that most of the time we as guys can't get out of our own way when doing so…assuming we get up the guts to even try.
So, in one brief exercise—and by TOTAL ACCIDENT—I had unequivocally proven what it takes to successfully meet women. Ironically, the “success” was OVERWHELMINGLY due to the fact that I wasn't trying to "pick this woman up".
So what’s going on there?
Let’s outline the key principles and components of that experience at the Target:
1) I had started the day making sure I looked my best. I was READY for an interaction with a woman…if not the woman at the Target.
2) I had NO HIDDEN AGENDA with this woman from a sexual perspective. There was nothing about my approach that caused her to put her guard up. I was just making normal conversation. As such, there was a comfortable atmosphere surrounding the whole thing.
3) Based on the fact that I believed I already knew this woman, I was 100% CONFIDENT that I wouldn’t be flatly rejected when I spoke to her. Think about it. If you behave as if you are sure that talking to someone will be met with a positive response, you will not be nervous or sketchy about it at all.
4) My “opener” with her was a simple “Hey!” with a light, backhanded whack on the shoulder. No fancy, contrived "lines".
5) This was not a bar or some other special “pick up joint”. This was the TARGET!
Bear in mind that this woman, although very beautiful, was not at all the type of woman I would ever see myself approaching or see myself with. And consider that it took virtually no direct effort to impress her. What appeared to “impress her” was the sincerity and confidence portrayed in simply wanting to talk to her.
THAT’S IT.
There is no doubt that this woman perceived my approach as being related to her being a woman and me being a man. Although I was not even close to who the “media” would match her up with, the combination of facility, confidence and a low-pressure approach WORKED WONDERS. Ladies, that kind of attitude is what you look forward to when it comes to men approaching you, is it not? Don’t shout me down for telling the truth!
After that day, I made sure that my “accidental discovery” became firmly embedded into my conscience. After that, talking to any woman I want—anywhere—has been all about considering her someone I already know, and affording her the simple respect that goes along with it. No woman has ever been a “stranger”, ever since.
Guys: If you have any trepidation at all when it comes to meeting a woman you find attractive, learn from this lesson and I assure you your life will be radically transformed. You have the ability to meet any woman you choose to. Make it so.
Ladies: Here’s to more guys learning what I learned that day. I know you all are patiently waiting…
It was a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon. I was going to visit my girlfriend later in the day, but until then it was time to run the usual slate of typical, mundane errands.
Even though I was in a relationship at the time, I had learned from my research on men and women that ‘style’ was important—so I had some nice jeans and a button down shirt on. My belt and my shoes matched, and I was in “Successful Guy Saturday Casual” mode.
After a quick trip to the post office and a stop at the bicycle shop, it was time to go to Target. I needed several things, so I got a cart.
I had checked off toothpaste, light bulbs and a couple items from the automotive department when I happened to see someone I knew at the end of the aisle. I had only met her once, but she was a friend of my girlfriend’s. So I knew I had better say “hello”. After all, “making nice” with the girlfriend’s friends is always a plus.
She didn’t appear to notice who I was, so as I reached where she was I tapped her shoulder with the back of my hand and said (simply), “Hey!”. She turned and responded back with a reciprocal “Hey!”, with a warm smile and that classic “eyebrow flash” that the body-language books talk about.
“So it looks like even superheroes like you and I still have to shop for normal, everyday stuff at the Target, right?”, I said, noticing a few stray items in her shopping cart.
“I suppose!”, she acknowledged with a laugh.
I continued with very typical small talk after that. As the conversation continued, I started feeling something strange…if not downright creepy.
My girlfriend’s friend, if my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, was starting to behave in a manner that I would ALMOST call…FLIRTATIOUS.
I was caught off guard. After all, if what I was seeing was really happening, it was COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. After all, not only was I dating this woman's friend…this woman was MARRIED!
So I maintained that 18” distance that social mores dictate is proper, while continuing with perfectly normal conversation. But soon, there was no denying the body language. She was clearly enjoying the interaction, and eventually made a comment or two that were unmistakably forward.
At this point I was going OUT OF MY WAY to not appear romantically interested in return. Yet, I couldn’t help the thoughts that were racing in my mind. This woman was CLEARLY ATTRACTED to me. On top of the impropriety of it all, I was struck by the IMPROBABILITY of it all. This woman was 15 years my junior and at least FIVE INCHES TALLER than me!
Now, let me level-set here. My girlfriend at the time was a beautiful woman, and her friend was likewise very attractive. So here we had a situation where a woman who was NOT MY TYPE AT ALL, and indeed not one of the ones I would immediately picture going after a guy like me, was UNQUESTIONABLY INTERESTED.
At that point I realized that this conversation needed to end…and SOON, for obvious reasons. To that effect I said, “Well, time to get back to shopping. But I’ll tell [my girlfriend’s name] you said ‘hello’.”
There was a slight pause. Then a quizzical look from the woman.
“Uh…who’s [my girlfriend’s name]?”, she wondered. I looked back with an equally querulous expression. “…Aren’t you Jennifer?”
“Um…nooooooo…my name is Felicia.”
With my mind racing in several different directions, I happened to look down and noticed there was no ring on her left hand.
I spontaneously laughed, and explained to her what had just happened. The woman really was a dead ringer for who I thought she was.
She responded with warm eyes and a feminine giggle. “So that’s…IT...?”, she said with one raised eyebrow and a motion of the hand to indicate continuation. I politely ended the conversation there anyway, of course, because I had a girlfriend, and returned to shopping.
But I was changed forever.
Why?
I had read time and again about how something like 90% of men have some fear of approaching women. Furthermore, I had read about how the single most important factor in GETTING OVER that fear is to simply GO OUT AND MEET WOMEN. The problem is that most of the time we as guys can't get out of our own way when doing so…assuming we get up the guts to even try.
So, in one brief exercise—and by TOTAL ACCIDENT—I had unequivocally proven what it takes to successfully meet women. Ironically, the “success” was OVERWHELMINGLY due to the fact that I wasn't trying to "pick this woman up".
So what’s going on there?
Let’s outline the key principles and components of that experience at the Target:
1) I had started the day making sure I looked my best. I was READY for an interaction with a woman…if not the woman at the Target.
2) I had NO HIDDEN AGENDA with this woman from a sexual perspective. There was nothing about my approach that caused her to put her guard up. I was just making normal conversation. As such, there was a comfortable atmosphere surrounding the whole thing.
3) Based on the fact that I believed I already knew this woman, I was 100% CONFIDENT that I wouldn’t be flatly rejected when I spoke to her. Think about it. If you behave as if you are sure that talking to someone will be met with a positive response, you will not be nervous or sketchy about it at all.
4) My “opener” with her was a simple “Hey!” with a light, backhanded whack on the shoulder. No fancy, contrived "lines".
5) This was not a bar or some other special “pick up joint”. This was the TARGET!
Bear in mind that this woman, although very beautiful, was not at all the type of woman I would ever see myself approaching or see myself with. And consider that it took virtually no direct effort to impress her. What appeared to “impress her” was the sincerity and confidence portrayed in simply wanting to talk to her.
THAT’S IT.
There is no doubt that this woman perceived my approach as being related to her being a woman and me being a man. Although I was not even close to who the “media” would match her up with, the combination of facility, confidence and a low-pressure approach WORKED WONDERS. Ladies, that kind of attitude is what you look forward to when it comes to men approaching you, is it not? Don’t shout me down for telling the truth!
After that day, I made sure that my “accidental discovery” became firmly embedded into my conscience. After that, talking to any woman I want—anywhere—has been all about considering her someone I already know, and affording her the simple respect that goes along with it. No woman has ever been a “stranger”, ever since.
Guys: If you have any trepidation at all when it comes to meeting a woman you find attractive, learn from this lesson and I assure you your life will be radically transformed. You have the ability to meet any woman you choose to. Make it so.
Ladies: Here’s to more guys learning what I learned that day. I know you all are patiently waiting…
Selasa, 09 Maret 2010
Addiction to Talking
There is an old joke about people who talk a lot: “Do you know the 12-Step program for people who talk a lot? On and On Anon!”
The joke recognizes that fact that incessant talking is a common addiction.
Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from the listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt the talker by disengaging or by telling the truth about their boredom.
Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while the trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of the reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at the other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.
If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider the truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you the truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer the phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.
HEALING YOUR ADDICTION TO TALKING
Imagine that you have a child within you – your feeling self - who feels very alone. This child feels alone because you are not paying attention to him or her. Every time you trap someone into listening to you, it is as if you are handing this inner child away for adoption. You want someone else to attend to and approve of this child instead of you accepting this responsibility.
The very fact of doing this is an inner abandonment and is creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. By expecting others to listen to you when you don’t listen to yourself, you are giving the child within a message that he or she is not important to you. When you do not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you are creating inner neediness and emptiness. This inner emptiness is like a vacuum that attempts to suck caring from others. Yet no matter how often others do listen to you, it never really fills you. This is because only you can give your own inner child what he or she needs.
If you were to take some time each day to have a dialogue, either out loud or in writing, with the part of you who so needs to be heard, you would discover that you can fill your own emptiness. In addition, if you practice imagining a loving spiritual presence holding you, loving you, listening to you and guiding you, you will no longer feel alone.
As long as you believe that it is someone else’s job to fill you, you will not take the time to learn how to fill yourself. As long as you believe that it is okay to trap others and use them to fill yourself, you will continue your talking addiction. Only when you get that it is not loving to yourself or others to expect them to take care of your own inner child – your own feelings and needs - will you start to take on that responsibility.
While you might not believe that you can fill yourself better than others can, you will not know until you try. My personal experience is that when my intention is to take loving care of myself and to fill myself with the Love that is God, I feel happy and peaceful. When you choose to take responsibility for meeting your own needs instead of abandoning yourself to others, you will never feel alone.
The joke recognizes that fact that incessant talking is a common addiction.
Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from the listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt the talker by disengaging or by telling the truth about their boredom.
Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while the trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of the reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at the other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.
If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider the truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you the truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer the phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.
HEALING YOUR ADDICTION TO TALKING
Imagine that you have a child within you – your feeling self - who feels very alone. This child feels alone because you are not paying attention to him or her. Every time you trap someone into listening to you, it is as if you are handing this inner child away for adoption. You want someone else to attend to and approve of this child instead of you accepting this responsibility.
The very fact of doing this is an inner abandonment and is creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. By expecting others to listen to you when you don’t listen to yourself, you are giving the child within a message that he or she is not important to you. When you do not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you are creating inner neediness and emptiness. This inner emptiness is like a vacuum that attempts to suck caring from others. Yet no matter how often others do listen to you, it never really fills you. This is because only you can give your own inner child what he or she needs.
If you were to take some time each day to have a dialogue, either out loud or in writing, with the part of you who so needs to be heard, you would discover that you can fill your own emptiness. In addition, if you practice imagining a loving spiritual presence holding you, loving you, listening to you and guiding you, you will no longer feel alone.
As long as you believe that it is someone else’s job to fill you, you will not take the time to learn how to fill yourself. As long as you believe that it is okay to trap others and use them to fill yourself, you will continue your talking addiction. Only when you get that it is not loving to yourself or others to expect them to take care of your own inner child – your own feelings and needs - will you start to take on that responsibility.
While you might not believe that you can fill yourself better than others can, you will not know until you try. My personal experience is that when my intention is to take loving care of myself and to fill myself with the Love that is God, I feel happy and peaceful. When you choose to take responsibility for meeting your own needs instead of abandoning yourself to others, you will never feel alone.
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