Freedom from Habits - 7 Daily Steps to Transformation

Copyright 2006 Sheri Zampelli

Do you have a bad habit you’d like to kick? Whether it’s overeating, interrupting conversations or quitting before you reach your goal, bad habits are learned and they can be unlearned. In this article I will outline a plan for success with seven daily steps to get started and help you stay on track.

One way to motivate yourself is to focus on who you want to be and why. Why do you want to stop your bad habit? Why do you want to change your behavior? How will you benefit? Focusing on what’s positive about change will help you hang in there during tough times. You may also want to think about who you DON’T want to be and why. Perhaps your self-defeating behavior is incongruent with your inner self-image. Think of the legacy you want to leave behind or what type of person you want to be when you’re 30, 50 or 70. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? The actions you take today will determine who you become tomorrow.

If you’ve made it far enough in life to learn to read and use a computer, you’ve probably had a few successes along the way. Reflect back on previous successes and ask yourself what made success possible? What motivated you? Consider the losses or gains you will experience by making current or future changes. Use this information to motivate you toward future successes.

Your current habits have probably been reinforced over many years. Your old behaviors likely have built in rewards that keep you stuck. You can develop new habits by setting small, manageable goals and designing built-in rewards each time you achieve them. An example of a reward is saving money in a jar each day you achieve your goal then buying yourself a treat with the savings. It can also include doing something you enjoy after each successful day or week. If your new behaviors don’t have built-in rewards you’ll probably get frustrated and give up.

As you work on your new goals and develop new habits, be prepared for setbacks and resistance. Don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go exactly as you had planned, instead, use your failures as cues to what needs to be different next time. Keep a journal and write in it daily. Outline what works, what doesn’t, and why. Be flexible and change your goals as time moves on. Plan ways to avoid future setbacks.

Finally, successfully breaking a habit means that you have to start thinking of yourself in a new way. Rather than labeling yourself or defining yourself in terms of your problem, you need to begin seeing yourself as a success. One tool to use is positive affirmations. Positive affirmations help you to keep your focus on what you want, not what you don’t.

One of the important things to remember when using affirmations is the power of repetition. You should say your affirmations to yourself at least 50-100 times a day. Some people say, “I tried that positive self-talk and it doesn’t work.” It’s true, you cannot say your affirmations 5-10 times a day and expect them to work. The repetition is what works. Here are some ways to keep focused and honest about your affirmations.

1. Use an affirmation journal. Write the date at the top of a page and then write out each of your affirmations and number them as you go, this way you can really keep track of how many you actually did.

2. Make your own affirmation tapes. Write out a list of affirmations then speak them into a tape recorder. To make them even more effective, use background music or sing them. Make them catchy and hard to get out of your mind. The most effective tapes are endless loop tapes available at Get an empty jar and add a coin or bean to it each time you say an affirmation. Or fill a jar with 50-100 coins or beans and transfer them to another empty jar as you say your affirmations. This way you will see progress and keep an accurate count of how many affirmations you’ve actually said.

3. You can also write your affirmations on index cards and post them in various parts of your home or office to keep you reminded of your new self-statements. Another way to change your self-image is through visualization. The more often you can see yourself engaging in your desired behavior the less likely you will be to sabotage yourself when changes occur. Visualization helps you to become mentally comfortable with success so that when true success happens, you are prepared. Take time each day to see yourself as the type of person you want to become. Identify yourself with your new behavior. Practice it mentally.

Getting Started:

• Outline the habit you would like to give up and what you’d like to be doing instead.

• Map out 1-10 CONCRETE steps you can take in the next 21 days to succeed. Plan them into your daily schedule.

• Write a paragraph or more about where you’d like to be in 5-10 years. What kind of person do you want to be?

• Write a list of all your successes in life. Keep it and add to it as you think of more.

• Make a reward list and vow to reward yourself each time you achieve a goal.

Daily To Do List

1. Remind yourself throughout the day: “I can do something for one day that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.” Put yourself on a 5-min. basis if necessary.

2. Tell yourself: “Each day that I stick to my plan I move closer to becoming the person I want to be.” “I am becoming a new person. I let the old me go free. It no longer suits my personality.”

3. Write out your successes daily.

4. Give yourself rewards for each success. Acknowledge your progress.

5. Write about setbacks you had. Try to remember what you were thinking, or doing that may have provoked the setback. Plan a way to resolve this in the future.

6. Set aside 15-20 minutes daily to vividly imagine yourself doing your new behavior or achieving your desired goal. Each time you do this, list it in your success journal.

7. Write, speak or read at least 50-100 affirmations daily. Use a jar, stickers, cards, beans or a journal to keep an accurate, truthful count.

You might think to yourself, “This will never work or this is too easy or this will take too long.” But you can only truly make those comments after you have put this strategy to work for a bare minimum of 30-days. The greatest results will come if you do exercises like this everyday, non-stop from now on. What you do have to lose by trying?

Five Things You Don't (And Should!) Know About Stress

Whether it’s called stress management, relaxation training, or its newest incarnation, “Resiliancy,” it seems that the question of healthy response to the stress of daily life is on everyone’s mind. But it’s important to remember a few things about stress that are rarely discussed—if known at all!

1) Stress won’t hurt you. Hans Selye, the “father of stress” was a polylinguist, whose first language was not English. Before he died, he said that, had his command of English been more precise, he would have been known as the “Father of Strain” rather than stress. What’s the difference? Enormous, from an engineering standpoint. Stress is pressure divided by unit area, whereas strain is measured in deformation per unit length. In other words, while strain speaks to the load you are carrying, strain deals with the degree to which that load warps you out of true. In other words, it is NOT stress that hurts you. It is strain.

2) Stress is necessary for life and growth. Far from being something you avoid, when healthy, the body and mind respond to environmental stress by becoming stronger. Look at this in the arena of physical fitness. Imagine a triangle with each of the three corners having a different designation: Stress, nutrition, and rest. Stress equals exercise, nutrition equals the foods taken in before and after the exercise, and rest equals…well, rest. If you have either too much or too little of any of these, the body breaks down. Note that astronauts in orbit must be very careful to stress their bodies daily with stationary bicycles and other apparatus: zero gravity decreases stress to the point that the bones literally begin to lose calcium. The truth is that, in life, we are rewarded largely for how much stress we can take without breaking. The intelligent approach is to both reduce unnecessary stress and to increase our ability to handle healthy stress without straining.

3) Come of the best research comes from our former enemies! Russian research into the body-mind dynamic has produced valuable results. They figure that any physical technique has three aspects: Breath, Motion, and Structure, and that these three are dependant upon one another. Stress “dis-integrates” this structure as it morphs into strain. The first to be disturbed is almost always breathing. This is the reason that martial arts, yoga, Sufi Dancing and so many other disciplines can use the physical as a vehicle for spiritual transformation. As we learn to handle greater and greater amounts of stress with grace, we naturally evolve to higher levels of integration and performance. It is our birthright.

4) It doesn’t take years to learn proper breathing techniques. Seek out a Chi Gung, yoga, or Tai Chi teacher and say you want to learn proper belly breathing. A good teacher can convey the basics of this critical skill in an hour or less.

5) You don’t have to meditate for an hour a day to get the benefits. While it’s fabulous to spend two twenty minute sessions a day, massive benefits can be gained with just five minutes a day. Here’s the trick: it’s not five minutes all at one time, it’s five one minute sessions spaced through the day. At every hour divisible by 3: 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9, simply stop and breathe properly for sixty seconds. You can do this while walking down the street, or sitting in a business meeting. The important thing is to learn a proper technique, and to practice it briefly, and correctly. This single act will improve posture, energy, digestion, and turn stress into high performance. Five minutes a day…it will seem a pain at first, but once you’ve got the hang of it, it’s the best 300 second investment you’ll ever make!

Law of Attraction Classics: Suggestion is Power - Vision and Manifesting - Charles Bristol

I recall a thrifty neighbor of mine who, although a man of intelligence and mature years, had his hair cut at only certain times of the moon. I don't remember whether it was when the moon was waxing or waning, but he maintained that whatever phase he selected caused his hair to grow less abundantly than if he had visited the barber at other times.

I asked him once where he got such an idea. He glared at me as though I were belittling his intelligence, and I never did get an answer to my question.

What I have said about plant and animal life may cause a lot of materialistic people to take violent issue, but it must be remembered that at work in the world are many forces of which we know little or nothing. Consider how many new principles were developed in World War II.

Without question, human imagination, visualization, and concentration are the chief factors in developing the subconscious mind's magnetic forces. You have often heard the statement, "Hold that pose!" That, of course, means holding the mental picture or vision. Here again, suggestion---repeated suggestion---plays its part.

For example, you would like a new home. Your imagination goes to work. At first, you have only a hazy idea of the kind of house you would like. Then, as you discuss it with other members of your family---or ask questions of builders or look at illustrations of new houses---the mental picture becomes clearer and clearer, until you can visualize your ideal house in all its particulars.

After that, the subconscious goes to work to provide you with that house. It may come into manifestation in any number of ways. But do you really care whether you build it with your own hands, or whether it comes to you through purchase, or from the actions of outsiders? How it comes to you is of no great consequence!

When you are after a better job or planning a vacation trip, the process is the same. You've got to see it in your mind's eye, see yourself as holding that job or actually taking the trip. Some of our fears become realities through our imaginations, just as Job's did. Fortunately, many of them do not---as long as we hold the mental picture only temporarily, or at least not long enough to focus it fully upon the screen of our subconscious.

The Biblical warning, "Where there is no vision, the people perish," is a fundamental truth, whether considered individually or collectively. For without the mental picture of accomplishment, little is done. You want a better job? You'll get it when you give your subconscious mind a mental picture of yourself holding that jo.

As I write this, I think of the many experiences confided to me by those who have used this science during the years. I want to give you some of their stories, for in them you may perhaps find clues to an even more effective use of the principles and the mechanics which I am setting forth.

Facing adversity

Is there any person on this earth who has not faced adversity? Life can be good, but adversities are also part of life. How does one face them with equanimity? It is difficult if the extent of adversity is very high. But one has to live through adversities and come back in life to succeed again. A sudden accident can make one lose limbs. A man who makes his living with his hands, will surely feel very bad and devastated if he loses his working hand. How about the effect of the announcement by the doctor that your child has cancer? Can parents take this news calmly? They will most probably faint when they hear it first. Some adversities are such that they shatter lives forever. But strong will and faith can help one face and conquer many adversities. Who has not heard of Helen Keller? Her blindness and deafness could not shatter her indomitable spirit. There are many instances of such people. I had corresponded with families of cancer stricken children. The pain that I saw was enough to shake the bravest heart. I remember a small kid girl, who developed second degree burns as a reaction to her Chemotherapy. Her mother had a guest book and the notes on that site could make anyone weep. The pain that the child was undergoing was tremendous. But the photographs of a capped child smiling and laughing in the laps of her father were heart warming. Somewhere the spirit was alive in the family to fight it out cheerfully. I also remember my conversations with a blind man of 70 years of age. He was secretary of one of the blind help groups. For sometime, during my talk, I realized that something strange was happening. Then suddenly it stuck me that this gentleman was using words such as Oh, I see, etc. without giving a pause. I was amazed with this talk. I knew that he had been a blind man for more than 40 years. I somehow gathered strength and asked him about usage of such words. He told me casually that there was nothing great about that. He could read and write and even type as well as any normal person. Though he had Braille. And he could see the faces with his touch. He had no regrets about his blindness. He had taken it as a fact of life and there was no feeling of having been dealt bad cards by the fate. Such people make us feel that adversities come to strengthen us. They test us. It is surely very tough to overcome them, but a strong will and faith in oneself and one's God can give enough strength to overcome them. Let us look at the life as a moving vehicle. As we move, we pass many scenes. Some good and some dirty. But we sit though the journey peacefully and reach our destination. We mostly remain unmoved because - we are not directly pained by the scenes outside and our focus is more on reaching the destination. In any adversity, at least the second part can be applied. Come what may, our object should be to create a good life and live as an example for others. That should be our destination and that should be our motivation.

Party Jokes: Startling But Unnecessary

Here, I focus on a range of items and features that we use in life without giving them a second thought such as Coca Cola, body muscles and holding ones own breath. Though, most of these notes are not fundamentally necessary, they are such that you can use them for a good laugh, at a drinks party or for picking up women or men.

1) Coca-Cola: Did you know that its original colour was green?

2) Mohammed: Did you know that this is the most used name in the entire world?

3) Geographical Letters: Did you know that the name of each of the continents begins and concludes with the exact same alphabet? Do not believe that? Look up Asia, Europe, Africa, America, Antarctica and the rest.

4) Muscle Strength: Did you know that the strongest muscle in the entire body is that one which we use to lick a popsicle? Your tongue.

5) Credit Cards: In the United States, were you aware that each and every person has at least two credit cards?

6) An Antique Machine: The word for an old machine that was once used for writing letters and other documents is the largest word that one can make if they click only on a single row of their computer's keyboard: typewriter!

7) Blink: Men wink at women, but research has found out that the average woman blinks nearly two times more than the average man.

8) Suicide: Even though you might have wondered if it was possible, studies have discovered that it is impossible to kill oneself by simply holding in your breath.

9) Licking: However much you may try, you will never be able to lick your elbows.

10) Sneeze: Try sneezing. People will automatically answer you with a bless you greeting. Have you ever imagined why? Some say that this happens because a sneeze stops the functioning of the heart for a very tiny second.

11) The Blue Sky: Did you know that a pig, no matter how much they try, cannot look up into the sky?

12) Twisting Your Tongue: We have all dabbled with different tongue-twisters in our day. But do you know which is the toughest? Sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick.

13) Ribs: Did you know that you should try not to sneeze too strongly. Why? A very powerful sneeze has the ability to cause a fracture in your ribcage. But, then again, if you try and withhold one, you stand the chance of breaking one of the many blood vessels in your neck or head. This could cause death.

14) Cards: Did you think that the Kings are all just random cards referring to random figures? No. Each one signifies a different king: Diamonds for Julius Caesar, Clubs for Alexander the Great, Spades for David and Hearts for Charlemagne.

15) And finally: Most everyone reading this (Caught You!) are trying to lick their elbows at this exact moment!

Conclusion: Most of these are not scientific facts, but they are hilarious, funny and can be used to lighten up the ambience when a conversation has gone dull. Use any and see your popularity rise up to great heights. Visit http://www.gambling-portal.com for more jokes.

Pure, Constant Bliss

I want to suggest in this short article that every person who lives, has ever lived and who will ever live, not only has bliss within themselves, but in fact actually is bliss itself. What I mean by this is that a person in his/her purest nature is a totally happy person. However, very few people feel the bliss that they, in fact, have within themselves. The reason for this is because people have the misconception that to achieve the happiness that they want in their lives, they must first obtain certain things that will in turn bring happiness into their lives. Most people believe that once they have their dream house , their dream car, their ideal companion, their ideal profession, and possibly a few other little "things" in life, then they will feel the happiness that they're pursuing. The fact of the matter is, having "things" doesn't produce the happiness that the person is pursuing. This is evidenced in the fact that so many people who possess many nice things still want more; the feeling didn't materialize when the material possessions were obtained. Not only do nice possessions fail to produce the bliss that a person seeks, in fact, material things get in the way of a person's ability to experience bliss. When a person is focused on obtaining the things that they think will make them happy, and then find that the happiness isn't there once the things are in their possession, that person has to then admit that their time and energy were wasted on the things they pursued (because they only pursued these things in the pursuit of happiness). When a person pushes aside the distracting things they've been focused on, then they can find the natural, already existing peace they have within. If a person were to make the very feeling (of happiness, peace, bliss, etc.) the target instead of making "things" the target, then that person is guaranteed to feel that desired feeling, once the target is achieved. So how does a person go about making the actual feeling of pure and constant bliss their target and then take the necessary steps to achieve their target? There is information surrounding "manifestation" that can answer this question and provide further valuable insights for peaceful lives. Make it a point to begin today to clear your life of distractions and uncover your natural, pure and constant bliss.

I hope this article helps in a peaceful and enjoyable way.
Thanks,
Joe Clinton.

Self-Improvement - Something For Everyone (Part 2)

Just about everyone in the world can think of something they want to improve about themselves. With some people they may want to achieve more than one improvement. The best way to approach this is to make a list of what is most important to you. It could be something as simple as reading a book to help you improve the work you do or making time for yourself to indulge in reading of your favorite pastime. Once you commit your deepest desires about improving yourself to paper, it seems more attainable.

Start off with a plan. This means setting a goal for yourself. If you wish, you can even set a time limit, such as "I want to be able to walk five km. a day at the end of the summer." When you start out knowing what it is you want to achieve, then it makes it easier on you to get what you want. There is no point in trying to do everything at once. If you take small steps and reach stages in your self-improvement process in increments, it makes the end result more worthwhile. If you could do it all at once, then it would be too easy and you won't have the same sense of accomplishment as if it were something that you had to work really hard to get.

In some cases, the type of improvement that you want will necessitate spending money. If you want to become more confident at public speaking, for example, you may have to take classes in this. If you admire a friend of yours that can sew or paint really well and you would like to do this as well, there are many opportunities to take classes at night or on weekends. One thing that you do have to keep in mind is the amount of talent that you have for such a project. It is also something in which you have an interest. If you don't like it, then you won't master it.

Of course, self-improvement always involves health, whether it is health of the body or health of the mind. Once you achieve what you set out to do, it improves all of you - your body, mind and soul.

Self-Improvement - Something For Everyone (Part 1)

Self-improvement is something that every person in the world yearns for. It has nothing to do with where you live, your age, occupation or your income. Yes, it is true that many people spend a small fortune each year on trying to improve themselves by hiring life coaches and personal trainers. However, there are many ways you can indulge in self-improvement without going to any extra expense.

Let's take for example, the woman who finds herself gaining a little too much weight. For her, self-improvement is shedding the extra pounds and fitting back into her clothes. She can start by cutting back on the high-calorie food she eats and incorporate a walk into her daily activities. If she doesn't want to spend extra money, then she doesn't have to join a fitness club or a program to help her lose weight, but the option is there if she wants to take it. This applies to anyone that wants to take some action directed toward improving some aspect of his/her life.

Self-improvement can involve anything that you feel will make you feel better about your life. It could be taking a course that would lead to a hobby, if you feel bored during your leisure time. Even taking a trip to a faraway place can be a method of self-improvement because it gives you a chance to see another part of the world, learn about another culture and get some rest and relaxation at the same time.

Self-improvement is such a broad topic that it would take pages to write about all the ways you can learn from it. No matter what form of improvement you choose for your life, it will help to increase your self-image and your confidence. Just knowing that you look good with the weight you've lost adds something to the way you walk. Having someone compliment you on something that you have made or built as a result of a new hobby will fill you with pride. So how do you get to figure how what it is about your life that needs improving?

What Is the Leonardo Trait? Creativity in Action

I recently began thinking about why I'm like this. Trust me, if you know me, you'd understand what I mean, and you'd probably agree that just knowing my family isn't enough.

I have two speeds. One is stop, one is go.

I can't work on one project, I have to have five.

Of the twelve projects I have open, I'll only finish seven.

I don't know which seven it will be, so I have to work on all twelve until I figure it out.

I can't settle on one thing I want to do. Right now I'm learning to podcast, walking in charity walks, and setting up teleseminars, while writing a book.

My favorite person in history, after Amelia Earheart, is Leonardo da Vinci. Amelia Earheart is my favorite only because I was a little girl in the 1970s and female role models were rare; I'm not giving up my first idol.

I like to think that if Leonardo were alive today, people would be calling him "weird," encouraging him to "finish what you start," and--my favorite--referring to him as "jack of all trades and master of none." Then I like to think of those people suddenly realizing who they've been criticizing.

You know? Wouldn't that be fun?

Well, of course it's not going to happen, but what can happen is that you and I can recognize the Leonardo Trait in ourselves and each other and let up on ourselves. No one else is going to do it for us.

Give yourself a break, Leonardo.

Developing Patience

Webster's defines be patient as bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint, or being steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity. I believe this why patience is called a virtue. It is little practiced, but much needed. At the first sign of difficulty, many jump to an easier, smoother path, hoping to avoid the pain and suffering that is necessary on the road to personal growth. But it is only by taking this rough road do we gain the experience necessary to develop our character. Impatience robs us of these types of life experiences. How would your world be different if you practiced more patience?

Patience is the ability to hang on when everyone else has given up. Patience is ability to release your need for immediate gratification and wait for the things to come in their own time frame. Patience overcomes criticism and intolerance. Patience develops committed relationships in marriage, family, church, community and career. Many a great leader have displayed patience by looking before they leaped, thinking before they acted, and considering before they decided. Patience is the mark of maturity. So now we know the virtues of patience, how do we develop more patience?

First, realize that no one is perfect, including yourself. Accept yourself and others, imperfections and all. Everyone is struggling with their own set of fears, weaknesses, obstacles and crises. We are all on the road of personal growth together and can help each other by showing more patience and kindness to each other.

Second, develop a consistent philosophy of life based upon a value system you believe in. Then when you are confronted with a situation, you can make your choice based upon the value system rather than an instant gratification response. With every choice is a consequence. Do you act now and settle? Or do you wait to get the result you truly desire?

Third, change your perspective on the past, present and the future. Stop dwelling on your mistakes and failures. They cannot be changed. Instead, focus and what you can do now to make a difference. Life is a blessing and each day should be lived as if it were your last. Start fresh everyday and remember the future comes one day at a time. What can you do today to change the results you have in the future?

Fourth, confront your fears rather than avoid them. Do the thing you fear the most and the fear will go away. "That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our ability to do it has increased." By doing more, it becomes easier, and when it becomes easier it becomes fun rather than stressful.

Finally, realize that all things come to those who wait. The Universe, the infinite force that connects us all, will bring the people who can help, the answers you may need, the tools and resources you are looking for when you need them. You must have faith and be patient and believe in your goals, realizing that they will often not be accomplished according to your original plans. Circumstances change. People change. Things change. Let go of your anxiety, disbelief and doubt about achieving your goal. Know that The Universe is constantly supporting you and will always help you achieve the things you desire. Just be patient!

Creativity And The Jack Of All Trades

You may be familiar with the saying, "Jack of all trades and master of none."

Well, I say, "Hooey." That's right. In fact, let me say it again. "Hooey."

It is perfectly possible to be a multipassionate person and do several things well. Many, even. I'm a writer, a mother, a photographer, a friend, an entrepreneur. Sometimes not all at the same time, but I do them all, and do them all well.

But I think one reason many people can't do many things well, or think other people can't, is a lack of creativity.

It takes a lot of gumption to juggle two small kids, a deadline on an article, a pan of spaghetti, and a friend who wants to talk about a problem at work.

It takes even more gumption, and creativity, to juggle five projects, and those same two kids and that same friend.

Sometimes the creativity is required to figure out how you can manage one thing later. "Jack, I know you want to show your new game to me right now, but actually, I've been asleep for about an hour. Could we do it in the morning?"

Sometimes the creativity is figuring out how to handle two projects at once. "Hmmm. If I write an article on creativity AND writing, I could use it in my writing ezine AND my creativity ezine.

Sometimes the creativity is in finding a sensitive way to say, "I can't right now." "Samantha, I know you want to play badminton. I have an abscessed tooth and can't move my head. How about Old Maid on the bed instead?"

And sometimes the creativity is just in remembering that these are people, things and situations you love and want to enjoy, and then going and enjoying them.

Become The Star, Director, And Writer Of Your Future.

One of the secrets of success is to not work so hard with your physical body; instead, use your mind to work out the details of how to be the person you want to be. Are you motivated to spend 10 minutes a day envisioning the future you want to create for yourself?

By deliberately mentally rehearsing the experience of success in your mind, you can turn aspirations into realities. See yourself free from the old negative habits that have wasted your time, energy, and money. Forget willpower for now and imagine yourself with positive behaviors. See yourself handling any challenging situation that normally triggers your old habits and see yourself using new strategies and doing it with
ease.

Success experts say your imagination is your own personal workshop of the mind. This is particularly true when you want to program yourself towards new habits of success.

Visualize Yourself as the Person You Want to Be with Mental Rehearsal.

Mental rehearsal is the most powerful way to tap into your creative process and overcome old behavior patterns. Mental rehearsal can be used in all areas of your life, from seeing yourself as a non smoker, seeing yourself as the weight and size you want to be, and even seeing yourself as calm during challenging times.

Mental rehearsal is a tool that can help you reduce the effects of stressful situations. Now you will be more resourceful, reducing the possibility of reverting to your old habits. All areas in your life can benefit from imagery. It doesn’t matter what level your goals are on: physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.

Use visualization to improve your abilities. Because the body follows the mind, if you start seeing yourself in a different light, then your body will follow suit — maybe by not craving the things that hurt you, or by motivating you to exercise more. It’s up to you to experiment. Who knows what miracles you can create in your life by using this
powerful tool?

Counselors and therapists who recommend using mental rehearsal say it is the true key to tap your potential. Their research reveals that all of our skills are learned through the image-making process, whether it’s driving a car, reading a book, or changing a habit.

You use your mind to picture the activity before you actually perform it. Think of it like this: Your mind works like a movie projector, screening an endless reel of memories and scenes of situations both real and imagined. You have the power to direct your movie projector (your mind) to reach your desired goals. Once you imagine something new for yourself, you begin to be flooded with ideas about how to realize that image. All of this will come about when you have allowed yourself to break through your own worst limitation, what you believe are your capabilities.

Approaching Women: The Simple Event That Changed My Life

Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications

It was a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon.  I was going to visit my girlfriend later in the day, but until then it was time to run the usual slate of typical, mundane errands.

Even though I was in a relationship at the time, I had learned from my research on men and women that ‘style’ was important—so I had some nice jeans and a button down shirt on.  My belt and my shoes matched, and I was in “Successful Guy Saturday Casual” mode.

After a quick trip to the post office and a stop at the bicycle shop, it was time to go to Target.  I needed several things, so I got a cart.

I had checked off toothpaste, light bulbs and a couple items from the automotive department when I happened to see someone I knew at the end of the aisle.  I had only met her once, but she was a friend of my girlfriend’s.  So I knew I had better say “hello”.  After all, “making nice” with the girlfriend’s friends is always a plus.

She didn’t appear to notice who I was, so as I reached where she was I tapped her shoulder with the back of my hand and said (simply), “Hey!”.   She turned and responded back with a reciprocal “Hey!”, with a warm smile and that classic “eyebrow flash” that the body-language books talk about.

“So it looks like even superheroes like you and I still have to shop for normal, everyday stuff at the Target, right?”, I said, noticing a few stray items in her shopping cart.

“I suppose!”, she acknowledged with a laugh.

I continued with very typical small talk after that.  As the conversation continued, I started feeling something strange…if not downright creepy.

My girlfriend’s friend, if my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, was starting to behave in a manner that I would ALMOST call…FLIRTATIOUS.

I was caught off guard.  After all, if what I was seeing was really happening, it was COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE.  After all, not only was I dating this woman's friend…this woman was MARRIED!

So I maintained that 18” distance that social mores dictate is proper, while continuing with perfectly normal conversation.  But soon, there was no denying the body language.  She was clearly enjoying the interaction, and eventually made a comment or two that were unmistakably forward.

At this point I was going OUT OF MY WAY to not appear romantically interested in return.  Yet, I couldn’t help the thoughts that were racing in my mind.  This woman was CLEARLY ATTRACTED to me.  On top of the impropriety of it all, I was struck by the IMPROBABILITY of it all.  This woman was 15 years my junior and at least FIVE INCHES TALLER than me!

Now, let me level-set here.  My girlfriend at the time was a beautiful woman, and her friend was likewise very attractive.  So here we had a situation where a woman who was NOT MY TYPE AT ALL, and indeed not one of the ones I would immediately picture going after a guy like me, was UNQUESTIONABLY  INTERESTED.

At that point I realized that this conversation needed to end…and SOON, for obvious reasons.  To that effect I said, “Well, time to get back to shopping.  But I’ll tell [my girlfriend’s name] you said ‘hello’.”

There was a slight pause.  Then a quizzical look from the woman.

“Uh…who’s [my girlfriend’s name]?”, she wondered.  I looked back with an equally querulous expression.  “…Aren’t you Jennifer?”

“Um…nooooooo…my name is Felicia.”

With my mind racing in several different directions, I happened to look down and noticed there was no ring on her left hand.

I spontaneously laughed, and explained to her what had just happened.  The woman really was a dead ringer for who I thought she was.

She responded with warm eyes and a feminine giggle.  “So that’s…IT...?”, she said with one raised eyebrow and a motion of the hand to indicate continuation.  I politely ended the conversation there anyway, of course, because I had a girlfriend, and returned to shopping.

But I was changed forever.

Why?

I had read time and again about how something like 90% of men have some fear of approaching women.  Furthermore, I had read about how the single most important factor in GETTING OVER that fear is to simply GO OUT AND MEET WOMEN.  The problem is that most of the time we as guys can't get out of our own way when doing so…assuming we get up the guts to even try.

So, in one brief exercise—and by TOTAL ACCIDENT—I had unequivocally proven what it takes to successfully meet women.  Ironically, the “success” was OVERWHELMINGLY due to the fact that I wasn't trying to "pick this woman up".

So what’s going on there?

Let’s outline the key principles and components of that experience at the Target:

1)       I had started the day making sure I looked my best.  I was READY for an interaction with a woman…if not the woman at the Target.

2)       I had NO HIDDEN AGENDA with this woman from a sexual perspective.  There was nothing about my approach that caused her to put her guard up.  I was just making normal conversation.  As such, there was a comfortable atmosphere surrounding the whole thing.

3)       Based on the fact that I believed I already knew this woman, I was 100% CONFIDENT that I wouldn’t be flatly rejected when I spoke to her.  Think about it.  If you behave as if you are sure that talking to someone will be met with a positive response, you will not be nervous or sketchy about it at all.

4)       My “opener” with her was a simple “Hey!” with a light, backhanded whack on the shoulder.  No fancy, contrived "lines".

5)       This was not a bar or some other special “pick up joint”.  This was the TARGET!

Bear in mind that this woman, although very beautiful, was not at all the type of woman I would ever see myself approaching or see myself with.  And consider that it took virtually no direct effort to impress her.  What appeared to “impress her” was the sincerity and confidence portrayed in simply wanting to talk to her.

THAT’S IT.

There is no doubt that this woman perceived my approach as being related to her being a woman and me being a man.  Although I was not even close to who the “media” would match her up with, the combination of facility, confidence and a low-pressure approach WORKED WONDERS.  Ladies, that kind of attitude is what you look forward to when it comes to men approaching you, is it not?  Don’t shout me down for telling the truth!

After that day, I made sure that my “accidental discovery” became firmly embedded into my conscience.  After that, talking to any woman I want—anywhere—has been all about considering her someone I already know, and affording her the simple respect that goes along with it.  No woman has ever been a “stranger”, ever since.

Guys:  If you have any trepidation at all when it comes to meeting a woman you find attractive, learn from this lesson and I assure you your life will be radically transformed.  You have the ability to meet any woman you choose to.  Make it so.

Ladies:  Here’s to more guys learning what I learned that day.  I know you all are patiently waiting…

An Old Message For A New Age

Do you consider yourself a seeker? I have a feeling if you’re reading this article, you do.

If so, how exactly do you define it? What does it mean to you to be a “seeker?”

For me, the definition is constantly in process of clarifying itself, shifting in and out of focus as I ask, “What is it that I’m seeking?” There have been times – days, weeks, months, dare I say years – that it felt like wandering, lost and lonely, in search of a nameless, faceless something that seemed forever before me, but like a mirage, moving farther away the closer I drew. I could not grasp it, but I knew that when found it would make all the pieces of my life click together. Instant happiness and abundance, perfect peace and love. Most of all, everything would finally make sense. I’d know my purpose; I’d be brave enough to live it; I’d have no question that I couldn’t readily answer.

I can tell you, after so much time in the desert, I have found no such “something.” But that doesn’t mean the journey has not been fruitful.

In its finest moments the search has been a pilgrimage. One with the hue of holiness. And in those rare instances I know clearly what it is I seek. I’d like to share a story.

Several years ago my husband’s company sponsored a celebrity golf tournament. We attended, and I surprised myself at how star-struck I was! Especially since the stars were sports figures with whom I was barely familiar. Of all of them, the kindest was David Robinson of the San Antonio Spurs. Walking next to him, my head came only to his elbow, but I found him to be a gentle giant. Late in the day I, along with many others, asked for his autograph. When he gave me back the piece of paper it had on it his name and the letters and numbers “Matthew 6:33.” I overheard someone explain that he always places a verse from the Bible on his autographs – a different one for each person.

Well, I am someone who does not take things in vain – I believe that everything that happens is a perfect set-up for our growth and learning. So, I went home and looked up the verse. Upon reading it I had one of those “pilgrim” moments.

Matthew 6:33Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you as well.

The perfect message for a true seeker. But, of course, the question follows…what does it mean? I know that some will have a very clear-cut answer, but for me it has taken years of touching upon, moving away from, and coming back to the message…to find for myself the meaning. The day I received the verse I typed it up and put it in my meditation space, where I have looked upon it every day since. But lately it has begun to call for my attention more fervently, demanding from me a clearer understanding.

Ultimately, I have come to realize this one sentence as the most basic ingredient for living, and the word that has always stood out to me is “first.” Here, the order of things. In our society we are driven by the desire to obtain - material possessions, personal achievement, physical perfection…we strive first and we strive hard. But in this verse we are asked not to “do” first, but to seek. We are told where to begin.

I would like to go slowly, go back and explore this simple message, piece by piece…

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God…

Is this the answer to the interminable question, “What do I seek?”? If so, then I ask, “What exactly is this ‘Kingdom of God’ that I am after?” My mind immediately travels to another verse – Luke 17:21, which says, “Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the Kingdom of God is within you.”

And so, it is not something beyond my grasp that constantly beckons me. It is not a place, or thing, a job or person, a philosophy, idea or fragment of knowledge. It is not to be found in books or buildings. That which is sought is the Divine reflection within my own being, that same reflection alive within yours and in everything else. The dwelling place of the holy lives no farther than the beat of our own hearts.

For those of us who have been on this quest for a while, this idea is nothing new. I realize that. We read books about getting to know and love and be ourselves. We take classes and workshops in the hopes of prying open the door to that illusive hallowed ground we’re after. At the end of every yoga class we say, “Namaste,” the Hindu recognition of the Divine spark within us all. I, like you, know where I’m supposed to look; I can think and speak about it; but it is the experience that I am after – that which cannot be spoken of or written about in whole. That which absolutely cannot be taught or bought. That which is secret and private and can only be known in the silent places of one’s own soul.

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God…Seek first the Divine within…Seek first, your own truth.

And then we read on…

…and His Righteousness…

Now, here is a phrase for contemplation. For some it is instantly understood and revered; for others, it will make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It is a loaded word; one that can scare with its asking.

If it is the knowing of our highest selves, a re-union with our own Divinity and, I suspect, with the greater Divinity of all life that we seek, and if we hold faith that the source of Divinity is indwelling, then how do we define this righteousness? I believe that the answer will lie in your own definition, image and knowing of God.

20 Tips For A Great Night's Sleep

Getting a good night's sleep helps us to be happier, more productive people, so here's some tips to help you get a good night's sleep:

1. Avoid drinking tea or coffee late at night

2. Stop smoking – nicotine is a stimulant and so can make it difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep

3. Go to bed at the same time each night so that you set a routine

4. Only use the bed for sleeping and sex

5. Use dimmers on your light switches, and dim the lights in the hours before you go to bed to mimic the change from daylight to night time

6. Avoid taking exercise in the evening – exercise early in the day to promote restful sleep

7. Try using affirmations, such as: “I let go of the day, and enjoy restful, peaceful sleep” repeated several times while you prepare for sleep

8. If you can’t get to sleep after a while, get up keeping the lights low and do something boring until you feel sleepy

9. Alcohol may help you get to sleep, but you are more likely to wake during the night feeling thirsty and needing to go to the bathroom

10. Try relaxed breathing: breathe slowly and deeply concentrating on your abdomen rather than your chest

11. Get your allergies checked out, particularly if you wake craving particular food in the middle of the night

12. Avoid paying bills and similar jobs just before sleep

13. Try a herbal tea - chamomile, passion flower, lavender flowers or valerian are good, or take a herbal supplement such as scullcap or valerian

14. Put the essential oils lavender and clary sage on your pillow and inhale their soothing vapours as you sleep

15. Try some flower remedies - there are lots of different types. In the Bach flower remedies you might like to try ‘vervain’ if you find it difficult to switch off from the
day; ‘holly’ if anger and resentment keep you awake; ‘white chestnut’ for persistent unwanted thoughts; ‘aspen’ if you wake because of nightmares

16. Try holding your frontal eminences (the bumps on your forehead, about half way between your eyebrows and hairline) if you are awake because of stress

17. Try taking supplements – magnesium and calcium can work well

18. If you suffer with hot flushes/flashes, try some natural support for your endocrine system at this time. I personally recommend Neways wild yam and chaste berry cream

19. Many alternative and complementary therapists have success with people with sleep problems. Find a local therapist and ask them if they have experience in this field

20. Sleep problems can be a sign of an underlying medical condition (e.g. thyroid problems or depression), so get this checked out with a suitably qualified health professional

3 Simple Strategies For Never Losing Out Again

Life is full of ups and downs and sometimes has a few sideways thrown in too. When things go wrong or don’t go as planned, or when something happens to throw us off balance and doubt ourselves it can be tough to deal with. After all, we all want things to go well and to end up as ‘winners’. But life will always throw challenges at us, and we can’t control everything. Nor should we try. It’s not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you that makes the differ...

Life is full of ups and downs and sometimes has a few sideways thrown in too. When things go wrong or don’t go as planned, or when something happens to throw us off balance and doubt ourselves it can be tough to deal with. After all, we all want things to go well and to end up as ‘winners’. But life will always throw challenges at us, and we can’t control everything. Nor should we try. It’s not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you that makes the difference. Here are three easy ways that you can always come out on top.

1. Focus on Your Strengths

We’re a bunch of contradictions – sorry to break it to you. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad; sometimes hopeful, sometimes pessimistic; sometimes childish and sometimes mature. We also have a whole load of strengths and weaknesses that affect what we do and how we do it, but tend to put more focus on our weaknesses and not our strengths.

A strength is something that you do consistently well or at a near-perfect level of performance – it’s something you’re just able to do, you’re hard-wired to do it well and you get an inherent satisfaction from doing it. It could be tackling and solving complex problems, empathising with people, having a lively imagination or being able to make the perfect omelette.

Focusing on what you do well rather than what you’re not so good at makes all kinds of sense. When you look at what you’re not good at you feel bad about yourself and your ability, but when you focus on and play to your strengths you’re guaranteed to get results, and can even eliminate any negative effect your weaknesses might have.

There was a guy I worked with who hated public speaking and recognised that it was one of his weaknesses. He worked as an advertising executive and as he climbed the ladder he found he had to do more and more presentations – he’d stutter, freeze, forget his point and not perform at his best at all. But when we focused on his strengths we found that he had amazing social skills, an ability to establish great rapport with people in no time at all and had a fantastic sense of humour. Using those strengths he was able to connect easily with each person in his audience, enjoy himself a whole lot more and to deliver presentations that had fun, humour and warmth in them. He used his strengths to overwhelm his weaknesses and went from strength to strength himself.

2. Set Things Up Ahead Of Time

Sure, there will be times when you can just head into something, do brilliantly at it and get the result you were hoping for (normally if you’re playing to your strengths), but other times you might blunder forwards, wing it and not get the result you wanted. Whatever challenges or opportunities you’re facing you’ll stand a much better chance of getting a great result if you set things up to succeed ahead of time.

So what exactly do you want to happen? What solution, outcome or result would be great? Get really clear on the outcome you want from what’s facing you and how it would feel to get the outcome you’re looking for. Then start breaking it down – what can you do to set things up so that your desired outcome happens? What needs to be put in place? What will help to make what you want to happen, happen? And to ensure the best outcome, what are you willing to do?

Whatever faces you, it’s possible to get the result you want by being crystal clear about the kind of result you want and by putting effort into setting things up so that it happens. Look at this way – you’re infinitely more likely to get your most wanted result by putting time or effort into setting things up ahead of time than if you don’t. Your choice.

3. There’s No Such Thing as Losing Anyway

What’s life all about, really? Getting a good job, getting married, feeling valued, having fun? It’s about different things to different people, but to boil it down I think it’s about doing the best we can to have, do and be the best for ourselves and those we care about. Sometimes it’s a struggle and sometimes it’s a joy, but what is constant through it all is our capacity to learn, develop and grow. Humans have an unparalleled ability to learn and adapt, which is exactly why we’re able to do the best we can and find ways to have, do and be more.

That’s why everything you do takes you one step forwards and it’s only by doing one thing, then another and another that the most astounding things in our world came about. As Thomas Edison said while he was on his 207th prototype for the electric light bulb - 'I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.' He's absolutely right – everything you do that doesn’t work out is another tick in another box and another step forwards, because you know one more way not to do something and what not to do next time. You’ll never get to 100% without going from 1% to 99% first.

In all that you do, whether it turns out how you wanted it to or not, there’s the capacity for learning. That means that it’s all part of the process and everything that you do and learn is an important step forwards.

There’s no such thing as losing, only learning and growing. So here’s to your continued success!"