Five Tips For Avoiding Road Rage

Road Rage is a term that, unfortunately, we have become more and more aware of as the media covers an increasing number of “road rage” incidents. We’re all aware of the shocking stories of mild mannered commuters turned cold blooded murderers, and we’re fairly certain that this will never happen to us. We’re right—we will probably never turn into a cold blooded murderer simply because some jackass cut us off on the freeway. While most of us are nearly immune to such heinous fits of rage, many of us fall victim to a milder sort of road rage.

I am guilty of having committed some pretty severe “road rage” infractions in my day. I was punished in high school for some very uncivil things I said (or rather, yelled) at a bus driver in the school parking lot. On the DC beltway, raising my middle finger (along with my voice) became a reflex; it was almost as natural as using the turn signal. I wasn’t going to go out and kill someone; but my behavior sure could have gotten me killed.

This more mild type of road rage is very prevalent, and very harmful. Besides the obvious safety hazard that it poses, it is unhealthy and un-enjoyable for the Rager and his terrified passengers. The driver in a fit of traffic-inspired rage has high blood pressure (which has both immediate and long-term safety hazards), musculature tension, and high levels of adrenaline and cortisol. All of these things are a genuine hazard to a person’s health.

Some people have reported having nightmares, experiencing excessive irritability after driving, and excessive anxiety because of these episodes. It is apparent that the person experiencing road rage is harmed in a significant way.

The good news is that road rage doesn’t have to happen. There are ways to calm down and relax and deal with the stresses associated with driving in a healthy and productive way. Here are five tips that I’ve used to reduce my automobile related outbursts:

1) Breathing Techniques: I take a deep breath, hold it for a count of five, and release. Doing this several times actually reduces the tension that one’s body is holding. While I’m doing this, I imagine that stress, anxiety and tension filling my lungs, and being blown out of my body when I exhale.

2) Avoiding the aggravating situations: For me, traffic is aggravating, but it is more aggravating when I am worried that it might make me late. Therefore, if I’m going to be driving somewhere that is likely to have traffic, I’ll leave up to a half hour early, and bring a book or some work to do when I get there. Thus, my mind is put at ease and the traffic is easier to deal with. I also plan alternate routes that are less likely to get me caught up in a traffic mess. Each person has their own triggers for road rage situations, and it can be useful to sort through these triggers and try to avoid the stressful situation.

3) Posting Affirmations: I post affirmations in my car (one on my dashboard, and one on the wheel, right where I would press the horn. One of them says, “I am calm and cool because that is good for me. The one on the horn says, “I think before I speak”.

4) Preparing for the critical time: I have two stress balls in my glove compartment, a CD with relaxing music, and a bottle of water in my car at all times. When things get tough, I put on the CD, get out the stress balls (both of which can be used during stop and go traffic), and take a drink of water. This is an excellent way to being the breathing exercises.

5) Changing the mindset: I have seen a hypnotherapist, and I continue to practice self-hypnosis to deal with anger issues in my life. I’ve done a lot of work with the triggers that I identified in tip #2. Now, a lot of the things that were bothering me, simply don’t.

These five tips can take the edge off of your driving experience. The important thing to remember is that the rage is in you: it comes from you, it hurts you, and it torments you. You may be angry at someone or something else, but that anger is an internal thing. You owe it to yourself to address it properly. It isn’t much of a safety issue for others—it is your own safety and health that is at stake. If you can change the way you react and the things you do, you can regain that happy experience of relaxing during your commute.

Marriage Counseling: Using Games to Reduce Tension

Marriage is one of the most enjoyable but also one of the most painful experiences that people undergo. It carries with it the whiff of romance and eternal bliss, but sometimes you get a pack of thorns instead.

How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.

Maybe your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.

Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?

Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?

What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.

Isn't that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.

Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.

Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time, after its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.

Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves like give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.

Conclusion:
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.

The Hideous Poison of Anger

When asked what gets in the way of communication most often, anger comes up. Moreover, the anger is often related to a perception of a situation that may not even be accurate. That is why anger can be a poison that sucks you in.

Judgment and ridicule can set in. Your breathing starts to change and becomes shallow and significantly faster. This pattern lowers the oxygen level in the brain, which increases the irritability, impulsivity and leads to confusion and behaviours such as threatening, yelling or hitting.

Your brain then starts searching for other reasons to be angry to justify how it feels.
By looking for reasons that can make other people bad or wrong, the mind believes it offsets or even justifies its own actions, thinking and beliefs.

It then sets up vibrations of energy that attracts more of the same and other people of the same nature. Your brain can then literately filter out anything contrary to the raging thoughts that it now feels.

All communication has stopped at this point. The other person is now defensive and on guard against the onslaught of verbal and possibly physical attacks from the other person. They no longer see this person as rational. They give no credibility to anything the other person is saying. In most instances, they are in protection mode and not even paying attention to anything the angry person is saying.

If they get angry them self, it increases the rage and adds more fuel to the fire. They now look for past behaviours that can explain the actions of the angry person. If they remember any previous angry behaviour, it is easy to conclude that the other person always gets angry.

It is important for both parties to take a time out and reflect on what the original issue was and what they wanted to relay. Try to look at, just what are the important issues and what isn’t important. Having give and take in the communication can go far is resolving issues. They could also reflect on how and why the anger built up. What about this issue brought up the anger. How does this relate to any past issue. What are the feelings that I have around this.

In most cases, anger is a secondary emotion. It can mask fear, whether it is a fear of loss or needing control of a situation. Being clear on why you reacted and can go along way in resolving the intense feelings and help you to focus on the issue at hand. Then the communication can proceed towards understanding and resolution.

Dealing With An Angry Person

Everyone is periodically faced with an angry person, and can be challenging to deal with. I’d like to share a few ideas in how to react to another’s anger, whether it’s a spouse, friend, or even a stranger. Some of these will also apply if you are angry yourself, which of course is something to avoid in the first place.

Listen - Let the person vent a little, and get their words and feelings out. If you interrupt them too quickly to defend yourself, it’s going to just make things worse. Wait for them to finish or for a pause. Being a good listener is an important skill in many other situations also. A good technique for listening is to ask questions. It not only helps you understand them better, but shows them you truly care to understand.

Stay Calm - Don’t go into anger mode yourself, it just compounds the situation. Just remind yourself that anger is unlikely to accomplish anything good, so why do it.

Validate - Validate their anger, do not just dismiss their emotions just because you feel it’s unjustified. The fact is that they feel this way, and you will help the situation by accepting and acknowledging the way they feel. Let them know this with phrases such as “I see that you’re really upset with me and am sorry this had to happen”.

Take Responsibility - Don’t let you ego assume that you are totally without fault in their anger. You may not be fully aware of how you come across or what you did. Just accept that your actions could have been responsible, regardless of whether the actions were justified. Find things that you can freely admit you were in error about, and this may help resolve the other person’s anger.

Time-Out - If possible, take a time-out, and let the other person cool down. Trying to debate the situation immediately will often make it worse. Give ti some time to settle down, and then discuss it if necessary. People will require different amounts of time to release their initial anger, so be adaptive to their needs.

Agree to Disagree - Sometimes you’re not going to ever decide that someone was right or wrong, and the debate can go on endlessly with each party trying to convince the other. In these cases, it’s best to just acknowledge that you each have different options, and leave it at that. We don’t always have to agree on things. Just “Agree to Disagree” then change the subject and move on to something else quickly. If you can find a win/win solution to the issue that’s great, however it’s not always possible.

Keep Perspective - Keep things in perspective, and ask yourself how important the topic of the argument really is in the big picture. It’s so easy to get into a huge argument over what is a trivial thing, and the debate becomes more a personal issue of proving something which really doesn’t matter. Be willing to just let it go.

Release the Anger - If you’re holding a lot of anger yourself, find a good way to release it. What works best will be different for each of us, but some ideas include: talking a walk, go for a bike ride, play a video game, work in the garden, phone a friend, go shopping, take a bath, or anything that will take your mind off it. Time is a great healer.

Avoid Violence - Never use physical violence against another in anger, if you are doing this you should seek professional help before you hurt someone. If you are the recipient of violent anger, then you need to physically get away from that person, as quick as you can.

With anyone you spend a lot of time with, you should work together towards ending anger. Make a pact to try to avoid this emotion which does your relationship no good. If you can both become better listeners, it will go a long ways towards reducing anger, because people will know they can count on you to listen to them. Anger will otherwise become their tool to get your attention.

Anger And Rejections

Rejections are normal and we all are told no on many occasions. Some persons have difficulty handling rejections and may react hastily to the other person involved. If you walk in a bank and apply for a loan and are rejected you might stomp out the door shouting obscene talk to the lenders. This is not an appropriate way to handle the situation.

This in fact can get you in trouble and it is obvious that rejections are triggers to your emotions that enforce your anger. Now that you see this is a trigger you will need to learn how to cope with your anger and emotions. We can start with the technique to work through your anger by reducing your stress. If you are a spontaneous person then you will need to learn how to cut back on stressors. If you feel pressured in the morning before going to work, try picking out the clothes you will wear for that day the following evening.

This will provide you an extra few minutes during the morning to prepare for work. If you are running like a mad person to meet classes, then you might want to set up a schedule for your self that includes time management. This can help you learn to prepare ahead and stay on top of things without rushing. Instead of roaming thoughts through your head about what you, need to do each day, try handling one task at a time.

This works wonders once you practice and continue with your strategy. When you feel angry, try taking a few deep breaths before you speak. You may also want to practice exercising since this burns energy and often reduces your chances of exploding when your emotions are threatened. If you cannot handle rejections, coach your mind to believe that the person is not centering you out. Repeat over in your mind that no is a positive in many cases.

For example, if you are married, you enjoy going to the bar to chat with your friends, and your husband does not want you to go, and then think why he said no? Obviously, your husband cares about you since he knows that danger is potentially high at bars. He does not want you to get hurt therefore, he is saying no in your best interest. If the bank turns you down on a loan there is a legit reason. Maybe your credit report needs some repairing, or maybe they felt you income would not cover the loan amount.

Therefore, you best interest was at heart again. We all hear no throughout our lifetime and most times, it is for the best reasons. If you apply for a job and are turned down, it might be in your best interest, since the employers felt that your skills were not on the level that the job required of you. Alternatively, you may be over qualified for the job and when you are rejected, the employers are merely saying we do not have the cash to pay you for what you are worth. Thinking positive is always great for managing anger.

If you are prompt to explode when your emotions are interrupted then it is difficulty to manage your life. If you are angry most likely, all areas of your life seem like an uphill travel. When you gain control this often benefits everyone, including your self. Your life starts to improve and your mind is thanking you for removing stress from its cavity. If you are prone to beat your self up when rejections come your way, you might want to find a positive side of your being and enforce it in your mind repeatedly.

Practice makes perfect and this is a great way to train your mind so that you gain control of your mind and anger. If you are frustrated easily, it is probably because you do not take time out of a day for your self to relax. There is nothing wrong with relaxing. Therefore you can sit down for 30 minutes each day and yoga or think of nothing at all. Finally, we are closing so I wanted to let you know that once you practice the strategies for dealing with anger, pat your self on the back each time you make effort and achieve.