When asked what gets in the way of communication most often, anger comes up. Moreover, the anger is often related to a perception of a situation that may not even be accurate. That is why anger can be a poison that sucks you in.
Judgment and ridicule can set in. Your breathing starts to change and becomes shallow and significantly faster. This pattern lowers the oxygen level in the brain, which increases the irritability, impulsivity and leads to confusion and behaviours such as threatening, yelling or hitting.
Your brain then starts searching for other reasons to be angry to justify how it feels.
By looking for reasons that can make other people bad or wrong, the mind believes it offsets or even justifies its own actions, thinking and beliefs.
It then sets up vibrations of energy that attracts more of the same and other people of the same nature. Your brain can then literately filter out anything contrary to the raging thoughts that it now feels.
All communication has stopped at this point. The other person is now defensive and on guard against the onslaught of verbal and possibly physical attacks from the other person. They no longer see this person as rational. They give no credibility to anything the other person is saying. In most instances, they are in protection mode and not even paying attention to anything the angry person is saying.
If they get angry them self, it increases the rage and adds more fuel to the fire. They now look for past behaviours that can explain the actions of the angry person. If they remember any previous angry behaviour, it is easy to conclude that the other person always gets angry.
It is important for both parties to take a time out and reflect on what the original issue was and what they wanted to relay. Try to look at, just what are the important issues and what isn’t important. Having give and take in the communication can go far is resolving issues. They could also reflect on how and why the anger built up. What about this issue brought up the anger. How does this relate to any past issue. What are the feelings that I have around this.
In most cases, anger is a secondary emotion. It can mask fear, whether it is a fear of loss or needing control of a situation. Being clear on why you reacted and can go along way in resolving the intense feelings and help you to focus on the issue at hand. Then the communication can proceed towards understanding and resolution.
Tampilkan postingan dengan label CommunicationTraining. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label CommunicationTraining. Tampilkan semua postingan
Kamis, 10 Maret 2011
Selasa, 21 Desember 2010
Emotion, No Longer a Dirty Word
When I tell some people that we perceive and communicate emotionally and then give logical reasons for it, they are quick to deny it. However, salespeople know this to be true. They learn that people buy for emotional reasons and then rationalize the purchase. Showing someone why he or she needs the item or service will not get you as far as showing him or her why he or she wants it.
The same semantics’ happen with perceptions and communication. When we look at the physiology of perceptions, we learn that our clearest memories are ones that have an emotional context to it. The reason is: anything that is highly emotional will come through the amygdala in our brain, whether it is from fear or love, anxiety or excitement.
Other sensory information will come directly from the brain stem to the hippocampus and a more select version will come from the cortex.
So whether it was a happy memory, i.e. weddings, special vacation, birth of a child or a sad memory: death, injury, 9/11, or an assassination of a major figure, we hold clear details of what we were doing at the time.
Many people fight hearing this because "emotional" was considered a dirty word for a long time. This group still relates to the old meaning. To them it is about being out of control, or even weak and unstable.
Most people are coming around and seeing it in a new light and as a word that can help them. Those who follow Meta or Quantum physics understand the importance of this word. How it is part of the secret, which many successful people used to acquire what they want in life.
We are taught that clear thought and communication with ourselves, combined with feeling or strong emotional desire, is the path to achieving our dreams and desires. That everything starts with a thought and then the feeling or the emotion brings it into fruition.
It is the half of the equation that many people are missing due to their dislike of the word. But what if you looked at emotion in a new light? What if you saw it as your strength? And what if you saw it as a tool for all you wish to achieve? Imagine the possibilities.
The same semantics’ happen with perceptions and communication. When we look at the physiology of perceptions, we learn that our clearest memories are ones that have an emotional context to it. The reason is: anything that is highly emotional will come through the amygdala in our brain, whether it is from fear or love, anxiety or excitement.
Other sensory information will come directly from the brain stem to the hippocampus and a more select version will come from the cortex.
So whether it was a happy memory, i.e. weddings, special vacation, birth of a child or a sad memory: death, injury, 9/11, or an assassination of a major figure, we hold clear details of what we were doing at the time.
Many people fight hearing this because "emotional" was considered a dirty word for a long time. This group still relates to the old meaning. To them it is about being out of control, or even weak and unstable.
Most people are coming around and seeing it in a new light and as a word that can help them. Those who follow Meta or Quantum physics understand the importance of this word. How it is part of the secret, which many successful people used to acquire what they want in life.
We are taught that clear thought and communication with ourselves, combined with feeling or strong emotional desire, is the path to achieving our dreams and desires. That everything starts with a thought and then the feeling or the emotion brings it into fruition.
It is the half of the equation that many people are missing due to their dislike of the word. But what if you looked at emotion in a new light? What if you saw it as your strength? And what if you saw it as a tool for all you wish to achieve? Imagine the possibilities.
Minggu, 18 Juli 2010
Controlled By Beliefs!
Have you ever had someone attacking you and you can't figure out why?
They may say it is because of something you said, did or wrote, yet you know that it had nothing to do with them.
This happens more than we realize. And knowing how to recognize it and how to deal with it, is important in business and life. Quite often, an angry or even violent reaction from another person is due to a conflict or perceived threat with his or her inner belief system. On a fundamental level, the information or action triggered fear for their survival.
You see, when our inner beliefs are challenged, when tend to go into protection mode. It can shut down our ability to think and respond clearly. And quite often, we are not even aware of what these inner beliefs are.
Many if not most of them were developed in our childhood when we were learning how to survive and how everyone around us did things.
This is why, you can have two or more people in the identical situation and they all react differently. It's not the situation that's good or bad, it is just the viewpoint of the person experiencing it.
When we look at these beliefs, we can find that many of them no longer serve us. One destructive belief that I have seen people hold is that they can’t be wrong, ever. It apparently is a death sentence to be or even appear to be wrong. So when someone else has a difference of an opinion, then it becomes about right / wrong as apposed to just being different.
I have seen people shake and go red when someone else gives a different perspective on an issue then what they thought. This is very destructive in business. It stops production, and destroys teamwork. It can cause other people to be nervous about saying or doing anything, especially if the reaction came from a boss, team leader or supervisor.
So, what do you do when some one is freaking at you?
Getting mad or shouting back rarely if ever resolves the situation. This will only escalate the situation. Neither will insulting them work, as they probably don’t even know the real reason for their reaction. As far as they are concerned in that moment, it is something that you said or did.
It is important to remain as calm as possible and ask, "Why are you angry?"
The answer at first will probably be about what you said or did. Then repeat the question and ask, "But why are you really mad? What is it about this that has you so upset?"
However, there are situations where it's best to get away from the person for safety reasons. You can say that you would love to talk with them when they are calmer. It can often help to write a letter to the person, because when they are angry they are not listening anyway.
Most people don't even understand that they are reacting to something else and if given a chance; they will realize that it had little or nothing to do with the person that they are focusing their anger on.
It also helps to have a third party suggest that the person look at the real issue. Many psychologists have stated that people are never angry for the reason they think. And when they can look at it and communicate with themselves and others about it, they can then make real inroads at never being controlled by the destructive belief in the future.
Actually, we can all do this. Start noting when you are reacting instead of responding and then ask yourself, "Why do I feel strongly about this?" When we take the time to make insights into our own behaviour, we can release the control the destructive beliefs hold over us. Then we can have a happier more productive life.
They may say it is because of something you said, did or wrote, yet you know that it had nothing to do with them.
This happens more than we realize. And knowing how to recognize it and how to deal with it, is important in business and life. Quite often, an angry or even violent reaction from another person is due to a conflict or perceived threat with his or her inner belief system. On a fundamental level, the information or action triggered fear for their survival.
You see, when our inner beliefs are challenged, when tend to go into protection mode. It can shut down our ability to think and respond clearly. And quite often, we are not even aware of what these inner beliefs are.
Many if not most of them were developed in our childhood when we were learning how to survive and how everyone around us did things.
This is why, you can have two or more people in the identical situation and they all react differently. It's not the situation that's good or bad, it is just the viewpoint of the person experiencing it.
When we look at these beliefs, we can find that many of them no longer serve us. One destructive belief that I have seen people hold is that they can’t be wrong, ever. It apparently is a death sentence to be or even appear to be wrong. So when someone else has a difference of an opinion, then it becomes about right / wrong as apposed to just being different.
I have seen people shake and go red when someone else gives a different perspective on an issue then what they thought. This is very destructive in business. It stops production, and destroys teamwork. It can cause other people to be nervous about saying or doing anything, especially if the reaction came from a boss, team leader or supervisor.
So, what do you do when some one is freaking at you?
Getting mad or shouting back rarely if ever resolves the situation. This will only escalate the situation. Neither will insulting them work, as they probably don’t even know the real reason for their reaction. As far as they are concerned in that moment, it is something that you said or did.
It is important to remain as calm as possible and ask, "Why are you angry?"
The answer at first will probably be about what you said or did. Then repeat the question and ask, "But why are you really mad? What is it about this that has you so upset?"
However, there are situations where it's best to get away from the person for safety reasons. You can say that you would love to talk with them when they are calmer. It can often help to write a letter to the person, because when they are angry they are not listening anyway.
Most people don't even understand that they are reacting to something else and if given a chance; they will realize that it had little or nothing to do with the person that they are focusing their anger on.
It also helps to have a third party suggest that the person look at the real issue. Many psychologists have stated that people are never angry for the reason they think. And when they can look at it and communicate with themselves and others about it, they can then make real inroads at never being controlled by the destructive belief in the future.
Actually, we can all do this. Start noting when you are reacting instead of responding and then ask yourself, "Why do I feel strongly about this?" When we take the time to make insights into our own behaviour, we can release the control the destructive beliefs hold over us. Then we can have a happier more productive life.
Rabu, 12 Mei 2010
Breaking Through the Barriers
You've tried everything, you've listen to the experts, in frustration you shout out, "Why can't I seem to figure this out?" This can be stated for many areas in life, whether you are working on health, finances, business, improved communication skills or relationships. Quite often when we start out on the path to change one or more areas of our lives, we hit stumbling blocks and set backs.
We've made promises to ourselves that this time it will be different, this time you'll keep your promise to yourself or your new years resolution. You start thinking, willpower, yes, I just need more will power. Then you start to feel the strain as you try to force your way through.
Sadly, if it was just willpower that was needed then many more people would be successful. Willpower is more like an elastic band, the more you force and stretch it, the tighter it gets, the harder it is to hold until it eventually snaps back or breaks.
Most causes of failure and relapse have more to do with habits and belief systems, many of which you are not even consciously aware of. You see science has shown that we have 6 areas of the brain, 5 of which are in your subconscious. So if your conscious brain wants to change and the rest of you doesn't due to a outdatedbelief, 5/6th's is much stronger than 1/6th.
This is why, so many of the experts tell you that to succeed you need to work on getting rid of your barriers, your self-sabotage due to outdated beliefs and habits.
There are different ways that are recommended.
We've made promises to ourselves that this time it will be different, this time you'll keep your promise to yourself or your new years resolution. You start thinking, willpower, yes, I just need more will power. Then you start to feel the strain as you try to force your way through.
Sadly, if it was just willpower that was needed then many more people would be successful. Willpower is more like an elastic band, the more you force and stretch it, the tighter it gets, the harder it is to hold until it eventually snaps back or breaks.
Most causes of failure and relapse have more to do with habits and belief systems, many of which you are not even consciously aware of. You see science has shown that we have 6 areas of the brain, 5 of which are in your subconscious. So if your conscious brain wants to change and the rest of you doesn't due to a outdatedbelief, 5/6th's is much stronger than 1/6th.
This is why, so many of the experts tell you that to succeed you need to work on getting rid of your barriers, your self-sabotage due to outdated beliefs and habits.
There are different ways that are recommended.
- A few of them are:
- Counseling
- Therapy
- Emotional Freedom Techniques
- Positive Thinking
- Flip Switching
- Controlling your automatic negative thinking
- Repetition of desires
- Daily Focus on Goals
- Belief Analysis
- Coaches (in the areas that you are working on)
- Subliminal Messages
- Educating yourself - (In the areas you are working on, to give new information)
- Binary Beats
Sabtu, 27 Februari 2010
A Startling Fact About The Dangers Of Labeling
Quite often, we use labels on ourselves and others without even realizing that we are doing it. And most often, they are negative. What we don’t realize is how much theses labels can hurt us and others.
The challenge is, what ever you state to yourself repetitively, even if you know on a conscious level that it is not true,<b> your subconscious mind believes it.</b>
For example, after misplacing something, have you ever said to your self, "I am so stupid." You know that you are just annoyed but your subconscious takes you seriously.
Once your subconscious mind believes something, <b>it sets out to confirm it's belief </b>and it can self sabotage your efforts to change and grow.
In fact, you may be holding several labels on yourself that you are not even aware of because you have been saying and believing them for so long. They may be about how well you believe you can learn, cook, drive or even show up on time.
These labels literately control your life and stop you from moving forward.
In addition, when we use labels on other people, just as in judging, we start to see only the label. Labels are stagnating and do not allow the other person to grow.
People will look for information that confirms the label that has been placed on a person. They will speak to the person according to their label, and don’t hear anything beyond it.
People will literately ignore anything that isn't inline with their belief about the other person and the label they put on them.
For example, if you believed that a person was clumsy and always stated that they were clumsy, you would ignore all the times that they walked or did anything with grace and ease.
Then if anything happened that even remotely looked clumsy you then would say, "see, what did I tell you, you're always so
clumsy."
<b>This can make the person very nervous in front of you </b> and the more the person worries the more likely it is for something to happen. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have seen some men do this to women, when they believe that all women are too emotional. The woman could go for months and not be upset with anything then something happens, he will go, "see, what did I tell you, women always get upset." All along 'forgetting' when they, themselves were upset.
Sometimes these men will even provoke the other person, by saying to them repeatedly, now don’t get upset. This is treating the other person is a way that you believe they will react which in turn creates the very behaviour that you were hoping to avoid in the first place.
People see and hear what they want to believe. And compounding that is, what you see and hear is filtered through your bias. So in the end you receive only a partial message that leaves out anything that contradicts your beliefs.
Sometimes people hold back information from the other person in the hopes confusing them to keep their belief alive about the other person's abilities. This creates the behaviour that the other person wants to prove.
Labeling can also leads to criticism, bigotry and hatred. Especially when small children are listening to us. They are learning how to act in society and repeat what they hear, which in turn affects how their future will turn out.
<uL>
<b>Some labels are:</b>
<li> Black </li>
<li> White</li>
<li> Slow </li>
<li> Stupid</li>
<li> ADHD</li>
<li> Trouble maker</li>
<li> Bureaucrats</li>
<li> Hothead</li>
<li> Short</li>
<li> Tall</li>
<li> Smart</li>
<li> Good / bad</li>
<li> Right / wrong</li>
</ul>
Even positive labels can hurt and annoy. There are people who
and said that they are tired of always hearing that they are the cute, good, smart one etc. It stifles who they are and their potential to grow if they believe they must stay with in the label.
Ask yourself, what labels you use on yourself and others. Start noting how often you say them and ask yourself, do you believe they are true. Then start replacing them with sayings that are more productive in growing to your own potential.
While you are doing that, contemplate on this quote.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an
understanding of ourselves. <b>--Carl Jung</b>
The challenge is, what ever you state to yourself repetitively, even if you know on a conscious level that it is not true,<b> your subconscious mind believes it.</b>
For example, after misplacing something, have you ever said to your self, "I am so stupid." You know that you are just annoyed but your subconscious takes you seriously.
Once your subconscious mind believes something, <b>it sets out to confirm it's belief </b>and it can self sabotage your efforts to change and grow.
In fact, you may be holding several labels on yourself that you are not even aware of because you have been saying and believing them for so long. They may be about how well you believe you can learn, cook, drive or even show up on time.
These labels literately control your life and stop you from moving forward.
In addition, when we use labels on other people, just as in judging, we start to see only the label. Labels are stagnating and do not allow the other person to grow.
People will look for information that confirms the label that has been placed on a person. They will speak to the person according to their label, and don’t hear anything beyond it.
People will literately ignore anything that isn't inline with their belief about the other person and the label they put on them.
For example, if you believed that a person was clumsy and always stated that they were clumsy, you would ignore all the times that they walked or did anything with grace and ease.
Then if anything happened that even remotely looked clumsy you then would say, "see, what did I tell you, you're always so
clumsy."
<b>This can make the person very nervous in front of you </b> and the more the person worries the more likely it is for something to happen. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have seen some men do this to women, when they believe that all women are too emotional. The woman could go for months and not be upset with anything then something happens, he will go, "see, what did I tell you, women always get upset." All along 'forgetting' when they, themselves were upset.
Sometimes these men will even provoke the other person, by saying to them repeatedly, now don’t get upset. This is treating the other person is a way that you believe they will react which in turn creates the very behaviour that you were hoping to avoid in the first place.
People see and hear what they want to believe. And compounding that is, what you see and hear is filtered through your bias. So in the end you receive only a partial message that leaves out anything that contradicts your beliefs.
Sometimes people hold back information from the other person in the hopes confusing them to keep their belief alive about the other person's abilities. This creates the behaviour that the other person wants to prove.
Labeling can also leads to criticism, bigotry and hatred. Especially when small children are listening to us. They are learning how to act in society and repeat what they hear, which in turn affects how their future will turn out.
<uL>
<b>Some labels are:</b>
<li> Black </li>
<li> White</li>
<li> Slow </li>
<li> Stupid</li>
<li> ADHD</li>
<li> Trouble maker</li>
<li> Bureaucrats</li>
<li> Hothead</li>
<li> Short</li>
<li> Tall</li>
<li> Smart</li>
<li> Good / bad</li>
<li> Right / wrong</li>
</ul>
Even positive labels can hurt and annoy. There are people who
and said that they are tired of always hearing that they are the cute, good, smart one etc. It stifles who they are and their potential to grow if they believe they must stay with in the label.
Ask yourself, what labels you use on yourself and others. Start noting how often you say them and ask yourself, do you believe they are true. Then start replacing them with sayings that are more productive in growing to your own potential.
While you are doing that, contemplate on this quote.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an
understanding of ourselves. <b>--Carl Jung</b>
Langganan:
Postingan (Atom)
Postingan
