Copyright 2006 Marshall House
In my view, each day is an opportunity to make life anew. I often help people to create something new when I hear a story repeated again and again.
Even if I am hearing a story for the first time, I can feel the resonance of an oft-repeated saga. I start to yawn as I hear or see the needle move along the groove. Truthfully, whether this is a wonderful story or a not-wonderful story, I can feel or hear or see the pattern. My awareness is heightened when the oft-repeated story recounts a situation the person does not wish to recreate.
Now, let me quickly say that I have experienced some incredibly engaging story tellers who do not bore me with their repeated stories. When the story teller is engaged with the creation of the story and sees it as new, the listener is more easily engaged. The master story teller lives a story as if it is being told for the very first time, created right now in this moment. Sometimes the master story teller plays with the listener or listeners in a magical in-the-moment way. So, there is story telling and there is story telling.
Perhaps it is risky to go on record saying that I am bored by the repetition of a story. Clients who work with me in one-on-one sessions know that I do not encourage their telling disempowering stories. Sometimes they just need to tell it one more time to someone who is able to listen deeply.
When a caring person listens deeply to a disempowering story, the pain can dissipate for the speaker. When I say "listens deeply" I refer to a skill that is rarely practiced. I mean that the listener is truly with the speaker, not sympathizing and not being reminded of another, similar situation. And certainly not giving advice or telling his or her own story! I mean the deep listener listens attentively in as many ways as possible, fully present, fully in the moment.
When the deep listener gets sucked into the drama, listening is no longer happening. The listener now colludes in creating more of the same rather than in helping the person to accept that life is created anew in each moment. The future is created by the present.
Whatever you give your attention to expands. Your focus of attention is your key to happiness. You may forget this dynamic from time to time. That is one of the values of having a listener who cares enough to interrupt a destructive pattern. You argue for limitations when you try to prove how "bad it is" by retelling a disempowering story. It is a pattern worthy of interrupting.
It is the rut-producing story-telling which creates more unwanted situations that inspires me to say: "Stop! Make it new!" Or, "Can you say that in a way you have not said that before?"
Every single moment of your life represents an opportunity for a new beginning. Every in-breath begins life anew; every out-breath releases the past. Every minute you are different from the minute before, with new cells, new energy, new life. Future experiences are not created by past experience, but by your current thoughts and feelings about those experiences.
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Kamis, 15 Desember 2011
Minggu, 13 Maret 2011
Transformation Old to New or New to Old
Copyright 2006 Marshall House
I like to think of transformation as a big word for big change. Of course, everything in life is always changing, always transforming. Without change, there is no life. Even if something seems stationary or stuck, it is still moving or evolving. Sometimes you are an instrument of the change, sometimes you are a witness of the change. Change happens in you, around you, through you, and as you.
In my view, the transformation that happens in small increments is far more deep and lasting than the transformation that happens in quantum leaps. Quantum leaps may seem dramatic and powerful, and can certainly get your attention. However, I find that those events that are called "quantum leaps" are either the culmination of a lot of little changes or the beginning step in a series of steps that can facilitate deep and lasting change.
I think sometimes people get confused about what is old and what is new. I know sometimes I do. Here is one view I hold about oldness and newness: I often label something new which is, in truth, very old or original or foundational. For example, the new paradigm of business is the application of what I consider to be old values that have been lost in the maze of competition, greed, pressures, and false beliefs. Allowing spiritual principles to be expressed more openly is new for many groups of persons, yet is an ancient idea.
In putting together this article, I considered a number of dichotomies besides new/old that might convey what I want to say; for example, I considered, familiar/unfamiliar, obsolete/recent, outgoing/incoming, preferred/not-preferred, old (or current) paradigm/new paradigm, and it/not it. I chose new/old because that dichotomy conveys a sense of movement through time. The change from old to new (or new to old) is usually not so much a matter of age, but a matter of movement or transformation. The key is a change in form. Energy moves from one form through or to another (trans ' form ' action).
No matter what dichotomy you might choose, I strongly recommend that you not make one polarity right and other wrong, nor one bad and the other good. Right/wrong and good/bad dichotomies are filled with human judgments that tend to keep you stuck in false beliefs, re-creating dynamics you do not like or prefer. Instead of rejecting either the new or the old, honor each so that its energy (current) can be available for your present experiences. Transformation requires movement.
I like to think of transformation as a big word for big change. Of course, everything in life is always changing, always transforming. Without change, there is no life. Even if something seems stationary or stuck, it is still moving or evolving. Sometimes you are an instrument of the change, sometimes you are a witness of the change. Change happens in you, around you, through you, and as you.
In my view, the transformation that happens in small increments is far more deep and lasting than the transformation that happens in quantum leaps. Quantum leaps may seem dramatic and powerful, and can certainly get your attention. However, I find that those events that are called "quantum leaps" are either the culmination of a lot of little changes or the beginning step in a series of steps that can facilitate deep and lasting change.
I think sometimes people get confused about what is old and what is new. I know sometimes I do. Here is one view I hold about oldness and newness: I often label something new which is, in truth, very old or original or foundational. For example, the new paradigm of business is the application of what I consider to be old values that have been lost in the maze of competition, greed, pressures, and false beliefs. Allowing spiritual principles to be expressed more openly is new for many groups of persons, yet is an ancient idea.
In putting together this article, I considered a number of dichotomies besides new/old that might convey what I want to say; for example, I considered, familiar/unfamiliar, obsolete/recent, outgoing/incoming, preferred/not-preferred, old (or current) paradigm/new paradigm, and it/not it. I chose new/old because that dichotomy conveys a sense of movement through time. The change from old to new (or new to old) is usually not so much a matter of age, but a matter of movement or transformation. The key is a change in form. Energy moves from one form through or to another (trans ' form ' action).
No matter what dichotomy you might choose, I strongly recommend that you not make one polarity right and other wrong, nor one bad and the other good. Right/wrong and good/bad dichotomies are filled with human judgments that tend to keep you stuck in false beliefs, re-creating dynamics you do not like or prefer. Instead of rejecting either the new or the old, honor each so that its energy (current) can be available for your present experiences. Transformation requires movement.
Jumat, 21 Mei 2010
Beginnings and Endings Create Life that is New and Fresh
Copyright 2006 Marshall House
It seems that when I honor the ending, the beginning is more joyous. I admit, I do not always remember to honor the ending. Sometimes I just want the ending to end or the beginning to begin.
As infants, we end our time in the womb to begin our human experience. The other day, I met a less-than-one-week-old (or is that new?) baby, filled with health and wonder, beginning a new life. He was clearly ready to begin this life, keeping his Mom in labor for only thirty minutes.
I have had many beginnings/endings in my life. Probably not more than most people. Some changes have been elegant, some clumsy. Some have been so quick that I did not realize the transformation until it was essentially complete, while some have seemed so slow that I wondered if this is what is meant by eternity. Not all beginnings and endings have been sweet or desired. But each has led to more joy.
Courage and Trust
Many of the planned beginnings/endings have been pure acts of courage: to get married, to start a business, to go to graduate school, to leave a long-term marriage, to relocate my business (twice!), to move across country, to end non-satisfying relationships, and on and on. Even those changes that have not been planned have required courage to carry through.
Of course, everyone knows that the origin for the word "courage" is "heart." I feel that connection between courage and heart, however, as a matter of practicality for me, I associate courage more with the guts than with the heart. I consider that my inner promptings (which are usually heart-based) guide me to where I need to be, but to act in the midst of doubt takes guts.
Sometimes pure tenacity propels me. I have often recognized that I would not have moved to California, for example, if I had known what a grueling experience those first few years would be. I trusted the process of my inner guidance and bloomed where I was planted. Courage and trust are my keys to joy and transformation.
Creative Resistance
I have not met every life change with happy, welcoming arms. Going with kicks and screams into something new may seem like a poor attitude, but such dynamics may be precisely what I needed to propel me into the new.
In my days of training managers and others in New York State Government, I learned more about dealing with resistance than in any other setting. I learned to welcome the expression of resistance, but did not feel so adept at dealing with unexpressed (passive) resistance.
In the early years of my business, I offered experiential training programs, primarily for trainers and managers. A former police officer showed up the first day of a 3-day event, loudly displaying his skepticism. His energy was intense, a bit unnerving for some of the participants. But I welcomed his energy, hoping that he would find the inspiration to leave with the same level of intensity, with his skepticism transformed to enthusiasm.
His verbal reflection at the end of the workshop began with "where have you been all my life?" He quickly covered his embarrassment at his positive emotional expression with the explanation, "I have been waiting to have an experience in learning like this all my life. I hated school. I guess I have hated a lot in my life. Now I know that I don’t have to resist everything, I can be myself without proving something." We taught each other something that neither had experienced before. We came together for a purpose which neither of us had advance warning about, but followed the nudges to show up and co-create an experience.
Showing up for Something New
I know the value of showing up, even if sometimes I do not show up. I know that sometimes I show up physically, but am not present emotionally or mentally or spiritually. In a crowd I can easily conceal this, but in my work I cannot and do not. My clear view and deep understanding of my life purpose empowers me to show up.
Sometimes I activate a transformation simply because I crave something new. I may not even know what I want the new thing to be. I just know that I want something that is different or in a different form or a different color or a different rhythm. Perhaps the new thing will not even seem new from the outside, but it is different.
In my view, the joy of life is about showing up, making it up, experiencing each moment as new and fresh.
It seems that when I honor the ending, the beginning is more joyous. I admit, I do not always remember to honor the ending. Sometimes I just want the ending to end or the beginning to begin.
As infants, we end our time in the womb to begin our human experience. The other day, I met a less-than-one-week-old (or is that new?) baby, filled with health and wonder, beginning a new life. He was clearly ready to begin this life, keeping his Mom in labor for only thirty minutes.
I have had many beginnings/endings in my life. Probably not more than most people. Some changes have been elegant, some clumsy. Some have been so quick that I did not realize the transformation until it was essentially complete, while some have seemed so slow that I wondered if this is what is meant by eternity. Not all beginnings and endings have been sweet or desired. But each has led to more joy.
Courage and Trust
Many of the planned beginnings/endings have been pure acts of courage: to get married, to start a business, to go to graduate school, to leave a long-term marriage, to relocate my business (twice!), to move across country, to end non-satisfying relationships, and on and on. Even those changes that have not been planned have required courage to carry through.
Of course, everyone knows that the origin for the word "courage" is "heart." I feel that connection between courage and heart, however, as a matter of practicality for me, I associate courage more with the guts than with the heart. I consider that my inner promptings (which are usually heart-based) guide me to where I need to be, but to act in the midst of doubt takes guts.
Sometimes pure tenacity propels me. I have often recognized that I would not have moved to California, for example, if I had known what a grueling experience those first few years would be. I trusted the process of my inner guidance and bloomed where I was planted. Courage and trust are my keys to joy and transformation.
Creative Resistance
I have not met every life change with happy, welcoming arms. Going with kicks and screams into something new may seem like a poor attitude, but such dynamics may be precisely what I needed to propel me into the new.
In my days of training managers and others in New York State Government, I learned more about dealing with resistance than in any other setting. I learned to welcome the expression of resistance, but did not feel so adept at dealing with unexpressed (passive) resistance.
In the early years of my business, I offered experiential training programs, primarily for trainers and managers. A former police officer showed up the first day of a 3-day event, loudly displaying his skepticism. His energy was intense, a bit unnerving for some of the participants. But I welcomed his energy, hoping that he would find the inspiration to leave with the same level of intensity, with his skepticism transformed to enthusiasm.
His verbal reflection at the end of the workshop began with "where have you been all my life?" He quickly covered his embarrassment at his positive emotional expression with the explanation, "I have been waiting to have an experience in learning like this all my life. I hated school. I guess I have hated a lot in my life. Now I know that I don’t have to resist everything, I can be myself without proving something." We taught each other something that neither had experienced before. We came together for a purpose which neither of us had advance warning about, but followed the nudges to show up and co-create an experience.
Showing up for Something New
I know the value of showing up, even if sometimes I do not show up. I know that sometimes I show up physically, but am not present emotionally or mentally or spiritually. In a crowd I can easily conceal this, but in my work I cannot and do not. My clear view and deep understanding of my life purpose empowers me to show up.
Sometimes I activate a transformation simply because I crave something new. I may not even know what I want the new thing to be. I just know that I want something that is different or in a different form or a different color or a different rhythm. Perhaps the new thing will not even seem new from the outside, but it is different.
In my view, the joy of life is about showing up, making it up, experiencing each moment as new and fresh.
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