Four Steps to Ease Your Way Through Change

Copyright 2006 Ada Porat

Are you feeling stuck in your life? Frustrated? Do you feel like you’re going down for the third time?

Take a moment to really feel what is going on. You are not stuck… you are constrained. Yes, the old way of doing things no longer works and you are trying to adjust to radically new ways of living.

Throughout this time of constraint and upheaval, there are unseen forces holding you steady while you try to run this new kind of energy… the energy of oneness with Divine purpose. It is a Divine connection, hosted in a human shell. Long ago, before you ever came into this life, you chose to embody this energy at this time. This is your contribution to the shift of the ages, and now is your time to fulfill that agreement.

The energy of Divine oneness or unity is the most powerful force in the Universe. It is powerful enough to constrain you when you try to separate from Divine guidance at your core and assert your human will.

In the old way of life, we accomplished our desired goals by asserting our human, egoic wills. We were conditioned to be willful and determined, wanting whatever we chose to have whenever we decided to have it. This way no longer works. When we assert our egoic will in the new energy that surrounds us now, the obstacles we encounter are numerous.

To move past the constraints of the present, we have to give up the drive to accomplish things by sheer force of will. Instead, we need to yield to trust: trust in the Divine, in Divine Guidance, in Spirit, in God, in the Universe… whatever you choose to call the essential life force energy.

When we choose to trust, the energy of the egoic will and resistance yield to a bigger plan - that of Divine perfection. From the place of trust, we are able to flow with the creative energies around us, participating in the process of creating a higher reality than we could ever conceive of before.

It is no longer possible to more forward in ego and still make spiritual progress. The constraining force of Spirit will block our movement at every turn. The inclination to be willful needs to be surrendered in order to move beyond the limitations of the egoic self. When we insist on operating from ego, we only end up hurting ourselves.

Spirit will guide you through this time of transition, no matter how difficult it feels. Those same unseen forces that hold you steady now, can and will lift you out of your despair. All it takes is letting go of the old way of using power willfully through ego and to embrace the path of faith - the pathway of trust and allowing.

We are living in a very different reality now than even five years ago. The old life with its hopes, dreams and relationships is now filed away in the archives of All That Is. To keep looking for it, merely deters our progress forward. We are in a new way of life now; mulling over the old ways with endless analysis, mourning and regret will bring no comfort.

The more we try to recreate the past, the more we find ourselves drawn down into the traps of ego like quicksand, our energy levels sinking into a quagmire of confusion and struggle.

Instead, now is the time to embrace what is showing up in your life moment by moment. Look for new ways to reframe things, new tools to do things with. Go inward. Drink deep from the wellspring of life. Let the timeless wisdom and healing energy of sacred teachings wash over you to renew your soul. Develop a dialogue with Spirit and ask for guidance and clarity. Stay present in the moment and allow the answers to flow to you through circumstances.

When action is indicated, do it. When circumstances open up for you, move forward. And when doors close, don’t try to break through them. Sometimes, we need to spend a while living in the in-between – learning to let go of the need to control, the need to logically understand. At times like these, we need to ask ourselves what we really want and why…even as we surrender the need to know how it will come about. We need to simply be present, be patient, and be still.

For years, I would ask Spirit for explanations to help me understand the why and how of life’s senseless tragedies. Invariably, the answer would come back in one cryptic word: “Trust.” Never before has the need to trust been more important for our personal well-being than now. Outside ourselves, the whole world is going through a spin cycle now. Just as we are experiencing at the microscopic level, willfulness and ego needs to be eliminated on a global scale as well to make space for a new order of trust and humility.

You don’t lack power. You are a powerful being. What you lack is remembrance. There is nothing wrong with you that complete remembrance will not heal. Like a survivor who has buried the unbearable agony of trauma beneath a layer of amnesia until they are ready to process it, we have chosen not to remember everything at once. As we proceed on the path we are shown, more is revealed to us. Through the integration and healing of each memory that surfaces, we reclaim our wholeness and power.

During this time of transition at every level of society, there are some helpful guidelines to keep us on track. Here are a few reminders:

Stay Detached

When we become emotionally attached to a desired cause or outcome, we become vulnerable to the trappings of the ego. Acknowledge your feelings and then surrender them to the Divine will so you can stay aligned to your life source.

Set Clear Boundaries

Social pressure always tries to make us conform to the expectations of others. Defining your boundaries protects your power. You are not obligated to accommodate everyone; instead, your first commitment needs to honor your inner guidance. What is your truth in the situation? Are you compromising in order to be liked, accepted, or nice? Just becaue it is a good cause, does not mean you have to do it! You cannot find happiness by living your life to appease the expectations of others. Define how far you are willing to go and then say no: No, I cannot have you as a house guest for a month; no, I am not able to able to have lunch with you today; no, I am not able to volunteer my time to sell Girl Scout cookies.

Stay Present

When we feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the present, we may choose to find refuge in the memories of the past or the dreams of the future. Neither serves us well. Now is the only time we have – life only happens in the now. Don’t let regrets over the past or fears of the future rob you of the precious gift of staying present in the Now.

Listen to Yourself

Within you is the wisdom to address all the challenges of life. When you feel overwhelmed, slow down and focus on your body. Let the wisdom within show you what you really want. Ever found yourself ‘giving in’ to the requests of others while you feel a huge lump in your chest or stomach? You body is trying to tell you something. If you cannot maintain inner harmony while engaging in the activity, recognize your body’s signals and re-align with your personal truth. When you listen to your body, you will recognize the ‘right timing’ at the place where desire and opportunity intersect. There will always be peace and confidence there, enabling you to flow forward with grace and ease.

Beginnings and Endings Create Life that is New and Fresh

Copyright 2006 Marshall House

It seems that when I honor the ending, the beginning is more joyous. I admit, I do not always remember to honor the ending. Sometimes I just want the ending to end or the beginning to begin.

As infants, we end our time in the womb to begin our human experience. The other day, I met a less-than-one-week-old (or is that new?) baby, filled with health and wonder, beginning a new life. He was clearly ready to begin this life, keeping his Mom in labor for only thirty minutes.

I have had many beginnings/endings in my life. Probably not more than most people. Some changes have been elegant, some clumsy. Some have been so quick that I did not realize the transformation until it was essentially complete, while some have seemed so slow that I wondered if this is what is meant by eternity. Not all beginnings and endings have been sweet or desired. But each has led to more joy.

Courage and Trust

Many of the planned beginnings/endings have been pure acts of courage: to get married, to start a business, to go to graduate school, to leave a long-term marriage, to relocate my business (twice!), to move across country, to end non-satisfying relationships, and on and on. Even those changes that have not been planned have required courage to carry through.

Of course, everyone knows that the origin for the word "courage" is "heart." I feel that connection between courage and heart, however, as a matter of practicality for me, I associate courage more with the guts than with the heart. I consider that my inner promptings (which are usually heart-based) guide me to where I need to be, but to act in the midst of doubt takes guts.

Sometimes pure tenacity propels me. I have often recognized that I would not have moved to California, for example, if I had known what a grueling experience those first few years would be. I trusted the process of my inner guidance and bloomed where I was planted. Courage and trust are my keys to joy and transformation.

Creative Resistance

I have not met every life change with happy, welcoming arms. Going with kicks and screams into something new may seem like a poor attitude, but such dynamics may be precisely what I needed to propel me into the new.

In my days of training managers and others in New York State Government, I learned more about dealing with resistance than in any other setting. I learned to welcome the expression of resistance, but did not feel so adept at dealing with unexpressed (passive) resistance.

In the early years of my business, I offered experiential training programs, primarily for trainers and managers. A former police officer showed up the first day of a 3-day event, loudly displaying his skepticism. His energy was intense, a bit unnerving for some of the participants. But I welcomed his energy, hoping that he would find the inspiration to leave with the same level of intensity, with his skepticism transformed to enthusiasm.

His verbal reflection at the end of the workshop began with "where have you been all my life?" He quickly covered his embarrassment at his positive emotional expression with the explanation, "I have been waiting to have an experience in learning like this all my life. I hated school. I guess I have hated a lot in my life. Now I know that I don’t have to resist everything, I can be myself without proving something." We taught each other something that neither had experienced before. We came together for a purpose which neither of us had advance warning about, but followed the nudges to show up and co-create an experience.

Showing up for Something New

I know the value of showing up, even if sometimes I do not show up. I know that sometimes I show up physically, but am not present emotionally or mentally or spiritually. In a crowd I can easily conceal this, but in my work I cannot and do not. My clear view and deep understanding of my life purpose empowers me to show up.

Sometimes I activate a transformation simply because I crave something new. I may not even know what I want the new thing to be. I just know that I want something that is different or in a different form or a different color or a different rhythm. Perhaps the new thing will not even seem new from the outside, but it is different.

In my view, the joy of life is about showing up, making it up, experiencing each moment as new and fresh.