Gatekeeping, Your Brains Ultimate Secretary

Picture a secretary or assistant in your brain. This assistant is going to decide what information to allow through to your conscious brain. They are the gatekeepers of information. Their job is important, as an overwhelming amount of information is thrown at you daily and you’d go crazy if it all came to you on a conscious level.

Part of the information they don't allow past the gate is anything that your brain or unconscious self does not want to accept as true. You see, we take on beliefs as we are growing up. These beliefs’ can come from our parents, teachers, friends and the society where we were raised. And they may not align with our beliefs today.

This can be compounded when you are trying to work with co-workers or clients. You see the person you are trying to give a message to also has their own gate keeping system, with their own set of beliefs.

For example, you may believe that the road to success is easy with the right tools. However, the subconscious is playing a tape from childhood that is saying, "Yeah right, you know that it's a struggle and most people don't make it."

The result is that your gatekeeper will keep back success opportunities from you. It believes that it is doing you a favour. It doesn't want you to prove yourself wrong or create conflict in your mind and risk stress and anxiety that may come from conflicting beliefs. So the results are, that you will not see what is right in front of you.

Have you ever been looking for something and said to yourself. "Why can't I ever find what I am looking for?" and then someone comes up and shows you that it is right in front of you. You stand there and can't believe that you didn't see it. This happens all the time.

I also teach that the brains RAS (Reticular Activating System) looks at all the information and says, "Is this a danger or important?", and if no it filters it away. This shows just how little of the information you receive.

This is one of reasons that it is so important to look at your belief systems. Many of them may be blocking you from the things that you want in life. There are ways to find out and ways to remove beliefs that don't serve you.

First, look around at your life. Is it the one you want? Are there things lacking and missing? If not then the odds are that you have conflicting beliefs.
I have read many articles about people who every time they received money, something came up and they lost it again.

In looking into their childhood, they found that money meant pain, hurt, or being sinful so they got rid of it in a hurry. Once they removed the old beliefs, they were able to achieve, business, personal and financial success.

One way to start is to start journaling and ask your self. Just what do I believe? And for each answer ask, "Does this serve me?" If the answer is no, then you need to replace that belief. For some people the changes come fast. For others that have several deeply ingrained beliefs, they may need help from professionals that are trained in replacing old beliefs.

I have personally found that those with an understanding of Quantum Physics, have helped countless people change their lives. As well, there are many counselors and coaches that can help.

In any case, with help you can move forward in life and place what you desire on your RAS’s important list. Then watch the opportunities start to appear.

To see a list of people who teach Quantum Physics and Neuroscience for success go to:
Golden Falcon Recommends
and read, Teachers of Quantum Physics and Neuroscience for success.

From Alcohol Dependence To Natural Recovery

Alcohol dependence is a wide spread problem that affects tens of millions of people throughout the globe. There are many more additional people touched in some indirect way with the associated problems of alcoholism or dependency. There are almost as many ideas on how to recover from this mental, physical and spiritual dilemma as there are people affected by it. Many major programs such as 12 step or treatment facilities claim some degree of success by utilizing a form of “group therapy” that focuses primarily on the mental and spiritual aspects of recovery. Although there may be some benefit to this perspective on recovery, the physical aspects are usually ignored except for abstinence from alcohol.

The disease concept has become widely accepted concerning alcoholism and is today recognized as such by the American Medical Association and the Surgeon General of the United States of America. Although the cause of alcoholism/alcohol dependency is not completely understood, many believe that it is a physiological ailment staged at the molecular level. Some believe that the alcohol affliction is an innate DNA source, citing an “alcoholic gene”, and/or a lack of human alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH), the enzyme that is thought to catalyze alcohol oxidation. Some success has been gained from treating the disease strictly on the molecular level.

Some of the available programs that are comprehensive in nature have postulated that a single treatment program is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. Detoxification is usually the first issue at hand. Many experienced in the treatment of alcohol dependence insist on this before addressing the mental or spiritual aspects of alcoholism. Herbal treatment is advised by many in the detoxification stage. Some with more severe dependency issues may have to opt for prescribed drugs to get beyond the delirium tremors. Once that hurdle is jumped, herbal treatment helps to promote a cleansing of the body. Relaxation techniques and meditation exercises have been known to reduce stress and promote good general health. Mental exercises and affirmations have been used successful by many in recovery. A change in attitude from the negative to the positive can change the very molecular interaction in the brain. Other influences, however, such as the presence of ethanol can circumvent such rearrangement. A slow steady process toward balance is recommended.

A host of ancient Chinese remedies originally focused on all three aspects of the alcohol dependence malady. Some were not so comprehensive. They addressed primary physical or psychological based aversions. Many early treatments were focused on a negative association with alcohol consumption in many different forms of "punishment" or ill feelings. Others were herbal in nature while some subscribed to a force of will approach. A search of ancient Chinese pharmacopoeias reveals many of these types of "treatments" for alcohol dependency, some dating as far back as 600 AD. The earliest of theories involved a fundamental belief that a natural balance must exist in the entire body in order to heal from any sort of illness, injury or spiritual infliction. The short explanation concerning balance is "Yin-Yang". It postulates that everything, including the body, contains opposing forces: "Yin" (negative) and "Yang" (positive). Anything in balance achieves harmony between these negative and positive forces. A by-product of the balance achieved is strength, which is in turn, used to fight any stress within the body. Of the over 7,000 herbs and roots recognized and categorized by traditional Chinese medicine, one stands head and shoulders above the rest for the treatment of alcohol dependency. It is kudzu, and it is widely used to this day.

Kudzu (Radix puerariae, root of pueraria lobata) or the flower (Flos puerariae) of Pueraria lobata, and the derived daidzin 12 is an anti-dipsotropic supplement for use in the treatment of alcohol dependency and alcoholism. For thousands of years, hangovers and cravings have been treated successfully in China by prescribing kudzu. In scientific research performed at Harvard University, the effect of diminished cravings in animals was noted in tests performed with daidzin on various animal species. David Lee, an organic chemist at Research Triangle Institute, worked with derivatives of kudzu and its influence on alcohol consumption in rats in 1991. He found that the overwhelming majority of rats tested either appeared to become disinterested in alcohol over the long term or appeared to consume less. It was also documented that the rats retained better motor coordination functions, even while under the influence of alcohol.

Although no one is quite sure how it works, its prescribed high dosages of one of Kudzu's active ingredients (puerarin) are used in China to elevate blood flow to the brain and heart. It is believed by some that this action triggers a faster natural response by the body to normalize and thus decrease the effect of craving. The dilation of heart muscles is one documented action provided which facilitates the increased flow of blood especially to the brain. Puerarin can also prevent cardiovascular damage caused by the inadequate oxygen levels associated with low blood circulation in the body. Puerarin has also been known by some sources to prevent liver damage. The powerful effective isoflavones contained in kudzu can help detoxify and balance the body toward better equilibrium and therefore improved general health. It can also help to stabilize sugar levels, which can prevent sweeping mood swings.

The treatment and ultimate recovery of alcohol dependency is a complex and delicate issue. Many experts agree that detoxification, the use of kudzu or daidzin and consequent psychological, physiological and spiritual growth is a necessary natural pathway toward recovery. A balance must be achieved through the reconciliation of positive and negative forces. Any molecular or metabolic enzymatic inconsistencies must be addressed, and a positive attitude must be gained.

From Aaaaah To Ahaa! – Treating Phobias Through Hypnotherapy For Phobias

Are you one of those who mortally fears flying in airplane or getting into an elevator; are you one of those people who would rather live on take out food for days if you found a rat in your cupboard while cleaning? Then it seems to me you have a phobia. But before you start hassling yourself with it, let me make it clear that a phobia is very different from fear. Fear is a rational feeling, which is driven by the instinct of survival; let’s say fear of falling or fear of touching sharp things. You are afraid of them because you know you might hurt yourself with them. However a phobia is an irrational feeling, it is a grave fear attached to an object or situation, which in reality might not harm us after all! Something like a fear of water, dentists, blood, driving etc. they might not harm us but we are mortally scared of them in any case. Can you identify yourself with any of the phobia situations? Then its time you looked at hypnotherapy for phobias to help your situation.

Imagine this, you have been offered a lucrative position of a hotshot executive at a premier company; the profile looks irresistible, the pay is exceptional and it has the makings of the perfect job you imagined. There is only one hitch…the profile requires you to jet set around the world at frequent intervals, and you are petrified of flying. What would you do; would you give up a dream job because of your phobia? In most cases, a phobia is a negative emotion; your mind tells you that what you are scared of might not be rational and plausible, but your subconscious will just not allow you to override the fear. In such cases, you end up losing on a lot of opportunities which you might regret later; worse still your phobia might adversely affect your career, family and love life. This is where hypnotherapy for phobias comes in. A hypnotherapist will ideally work with you to discover the issues which led to the formation of such a phobia. Most of these phobias are born in our childhood, and our subconscious mind detaches the fear from the situation. What it carries on in the adulthood is the irrational fear, with no recollection whatsoever of the situation which instilled this fear in us. Hypnotherapy for phobias will let you reconnect with the past and identify the root cause of your phobia.

Now that we have established the cause of the phobia, there are different ways on which it can be approached. For example, there is a method we hypnotherapists call Cognitive hypnotherapy, which helps your mind realign the reactions to the fearful situations. In other words, these techniques help you to form a behavior pattern when faced with the situation or object you fear. Let’s say if you are water phobic or are scared of driving, this method of hypnotherapy for phobias will teach you to have a calm reaction when faced with a situation, and teach you to relax with the help of visualizations.

In some other cases, hypnotherapy for phobias works on the theory of making the subconscious mind realize that the phobia is irrational. This is done with the help of auto suggestions and positive enforcements. The subconscious is made aware that though the fear might have served a specific purpose in your childhood, it holds no relevance in your life as an adult; by being fed these suggestions on a regular basis, your subconscious will learn to distance itself from the fear and eventually discard it for good.

There is a common factor between phobias and hypnotherapy; they are both related to the subconscious. However, while one is irrational and undesirable, the other is all about self discovery and self innovation.

Freedom from Habits - 7 Daily Steps to Transformation

Copyright 2006 Sheri Zampelli

Do you have a bad habit you’d like to kick? Whether it’s overeating, interrupting conversations or quitting before you reach your goal, bad habits are learned and they can be unlearned. In this article I will outline a plan for success with seven daily steps to get started and help you stay on track.

One way to motivate yourself is to focus on who you want to be and why. Why do you want to stop your bad habit? Why do you want to change your behavior? How will you benefit? Focusing on what’s positive about change will help you hang in there during tough times. You may also want to think about who you DON’T want to be and why. Perhaps your self-defeating behavior is incongruent with your inner self-image. Think of the legacy you want to leave behind or what type of person you want to be when you’re 30, 50 or 70. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? The actions you take today will determine who you become tomorrow.

If you’ve made it far enough in life to learn to read and use a computer, you’ve probably had a few successes along the way. Reflect back on previous successes and ask yourself what made success possible? What motivated you? Consider the losses or gains you will experience by making current or future changes. Use this information to motivate you toward future successes.

Your current habits have probably been reinforced over many years. Your old behaviors likely have built in rewards that keep you stuck. You can develop new habits by setting small, manageable goals and designing built-in rewards each time you achieve them. An example of a reward is saving money in a jar each day you achieve your goal then buying yourself a treat with the savings. It can also include doing something you enjoy after each successful day or week. If your new behaviors don’t have built-in rewards you’ll probably get frustrated and give up.

As you work on your new goals and develop new habits, be prepared for setbacks and resistance. Don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go exactly as you had planned, instead, use your failures as cues to what needs to be different next time. Keep a journal and write in it daily. Outline what works, what doesn’t, and why. Be flexible and change your goals as time moves on. Plan ways to avoid future setbacks.

Finally, successfully breaking a habit means that you have to start thinking of yourself in a new way. Rather than labeling yourself or defining yourself in terms of your problem, you need to begin seeing yourself as a success. One tool to use is positive affirmations. Positive affirmations help you to keep your focus on what you want, not what you don’t.

One of the important things to remember when using affirmations is the power of repetition. You should say your affirmations to yourself at least 50-100 times a day. Some people say, “I tried that positive self-talk and it doesn’t work.” It’s true, you cannot say your affirmations 5-10 times a day and expect them to work. The repetition is what works. Here are some ways to keep focused and honest about your affirmations.

1. Use an affirmation journal. Write the date at the top of a page and then write out each of your affirmations and number them as you go, this way you can really keep track of how many you actually did.

2. Make your own affirmation tapes. Write out a list of affirmations then speak them into a tape recorder. To make them even more effective, use background music or sing them. Make them catchy and hard to get out of your mind. The most effective tapes are endless loop tapes available at Get an empty jar and add a coin or bean to it each time you say an affirmation. Or fill a jar with 50-100 coins or beans and transfer them to another empty jar as you say your affirmations. This way you will see progress and keep an accurate count of how many affirmations you’ve actually said.

3. You can also write your affirmations on index cards and post them in various parts of your home or office to keep you reminded of your new self-statements. Another way to change your self-image is through visualization. The more often you can see yourself engaging in your desired behavior the less likely you will be to sabotage yourself when changes occur. Visualization helps you to become mentally comfortable with success so that when true success happens, you are prepared. Take time each day to see yourself as the type of person you want to become. Identify yourself with your new behavior. Practice it mentally.

Getting Started:

• Outline the habit you would like to give up and what you’d like to be doing instead.

• Map out 1-10 CONCRETE steps you can take in the next 21 days to succeed. Plan them into your daily schedule.

• Write a paragraph or more about where you’d like to be in 5-10 years. What kind of person do you want to be?

• Write a list of all your successes in life. Keep it and add to it as you think of more.

• Make a reward list and vow to reward yourself each time you achieve a goal.

Daily To Do List

1. Remind yourself throughout the day: “I can do something for one day that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.” Put yourself on a 5-min. basis if necessary.

2. Tell yourself: “Each day that I stick to my plan I move closer to becoming the person I want to be.” “I am becoming a new person. I let the old me go free. It no longer suits my personality.”

3. Write out your successes daily.

4. Give yourself rewards for each success. Acknowledge your progress.

5. Write about setbacks you had. Try to remember what you were thinking, or doing that may have provoked the setback. Plan a way to resolve this in the future.

6. Set aside 15-20 minutes daily to vividly imagine yourself doing your new behavior or achieving your desired goal. Each time you do this, list it in your success journal.

7. Write, speak or read at least 50-100 affirmations daily. Use a jar, stickers, cards, beans or a journal to keep an accurate, truthful count.

You might think to yourself, “This will never work or this is too easy or this will take too long.” But you can only truly make those comments after you have put this strategy to work for a bare minimum of 30-days. The greatest results will come if you do exercises like this everyday, non-stop from now on. What you do have to lose by trying?

Freedom From Bondage, It is Your Choice

Copyright 2006 Marshall House

Issues of freedom or bondage often surface in individuals and organization. Words other than freedom or bondage may be used: e.g., powerlessness, control, victimization, safety, limitations, restrictions, trust, confinement, oppression, suppression. At the base of all these negative issues is fear. Fear, however, is more difficult for some folks to admit or face than one of these other concepts, so I find it is often wise to avoid the word "fear" which can sometimes feel like an accusation.

Freedom and Bondage Issues

In organizations, the issue may be the bondage related to perceived limited resources or shortsighted policies. For subordinates, restrictions of management or lack of personal skills/experience are often mentioned. For individuals who feel trapped in relationships, concerns around expressing truth are prevalent, as are feelings of entrapment with respect to judgments.

You may find it helpful to consider the words "freedom" and "bondage" in the broadest sense of their definitions. At the same time, consider your own personal issues related to freedom and bondage. The concept of each word is contained it its opposite.

The Energy of Freedom and Bondage

Freedom and bondage and the other euphemisms all have energetic components. That is, when someone feels free, his or her freedom is represented in the energy field. By the same token, expressions of lack of freedom or feelings of victimization or patterns of powerlessness or control issues present themselves in the energy field. One of my gifts is the ability to perceive how these issues present themselves in the energy field and facilitate appropriate shifts. The energy field has many layers and levels and cycles. There is an interlacing of horizontal and vertical lines and movement that presents itself in waves.

When we work in deeper energetic dimensions, we can save years of therapy or thousands of dollars in consulting fees. Make no mistake, individuals and organizations have to be ready to work energetically on these issues in order for deep, fast, and lasting results. Energetic work is not fast-food consciousness. Those who respond best to energetic work have usually already spent many hours in personal development or organizational change efforts. Conscious awareness attracts and expands conscious awareness. Directing people to images that represent their experiences sometimes has the added benefit of distracting them from defending their experiences; as they become interested in a color or illusion or sound, their resistance lessens.

Case Study in Energetic Freedom from Bondage

Following is a summary of a portion of a session with a client in the Personal Energetic Clearing Process. Some of the images may seem strange to you, but I encourage you to read the article through to the end.

Chad (a pseudonym, of course) had attended many of my workshops over several years, so he was quite familiar with my approach when he began working with me on a one-to-one basis. In this particular session, we honed in on fear, sadness, and anger, most of which appeared to be lodged in his chest energetically.

In the energy field I could see the appearance of metal plates on his right ankle. I called them "shackles" but they did not embrace the whole ankle, nor were they locked. That is not my idea of very secure shackles, which was precisely the point! He needed only to reach down and lift them off. As I talked about the shackles, I could feel the fear immediately well up in him, primarily around the chest. His breathing became labored and tears came to his eyes. He agreed to removing the shackles, which we did gently together, one piece at a time. I worked with green healing energy to soothe the areas as we worked on them.

I was careful to move at a pace that allowed Chad to integrate what was happening. I detected no resistance in him. He was ready. A part of him wanted it to happen fast, but we were both more interested in depth. He felt and talked about the fears: fear of freedom, fear of stepping out, fear of leaving a structured life, fear of......, and just plain fear.

Emotions and Energetic Forms

We worked with the fears energetically and found that they were woven with anger and sadness. Chad's thoughts were flooded with pictures of slavery and other oppression.

We worked with a variety of energetics and energetic techniques to dissipate the hardened emotions. Three golden cosmic catheters went into his heart, providing immediate emotional relief and easier breathing. Geometric cones, concave triangles, and golden spheres were inserted all around the heart space. His legs absorbed vibrant cones to provide greater balance.

I had not forgotten the chains and shackles that I had removed from his ankle that sat waiting in the energy field. We returned to them several times for information they contained.

Many images and memories and waves of energy passed through my own consciousness -- too many to report. No reports were needed, however, because Chad was able to connect with these events in his own way. He required almost no verbal input from me, which allowed me to stay focused on the energy work. And then the time came when the chains and shackles were to be released from his energy field. Angelic beings, waiting patiently at the sidelines, came forward when asked and gathered up the metal pieces and flew away with them. Their sweet energy provided another dimension of healing. It was an honor to work with them, as always.

My Suggestions to Enhance Chad's Personal Work

I told Chad that he was likely to be releasing fear, anger, and sadness over the next few days and weeks. I suggested that some of the releases may be surprising, perhaps strangely unemotional or strongly emotional. I offered him a list of simple releasing techniques, like singing, screaming at the beach, breathing deeply, pounding his chest while making sounds, and crying.

I find that suggesting specific releasing techniques is quite helpful for most clients. The truth is that any technique will work if the proper intention is present, and that no technique will work in the absence of a proper intention. I find that techniques assist people to uncover and focus on their true intention.

The Significance of Energetic Freedom from Bondage

More than three years after doing this session with Chad, he said he was deeply empowered by the experience. The empowerment showed in his face. He considered this and one other event in the Personal Energetic Clearing Process were pivotal to his transformation. My private practice is filled with similar sessions of energetic freedom, so that I can say that this is not an isolated, chance event.

As folks like Chad have the courage to remove their shackles, my own lift more easily. I speak more freely about the true nature of my work. At one time I would not have reported such a case as this in the Marshall House Journal. Now I delight in sharing this experience via the Internet!

Humanity has been in one form of bondage or another for thousands of years. Individuals feel entrapped in relationships. Layers of society feel stuck in homelessness or poverty. Individuals feel unable to speak their truth. Groups are enslaved by other groups. Victims and victimizers still find each other. We feel bound by our past.

But are we really? Perhaps it is as simple as reaching down and lifting off the unlocked shackles!

Four Steps to Ease Your Way Through Change

Copyright 2006 Ada Porat

Are you feeling stuck in your life? Frustrated? Do you feel like you’re going down for the third time?

Take a moment to really feel what is going on. You are not stuck… you are constrained. Yes, the old way of doing things no longer works and you are trying to adjust to radically new ways of living.

Throughout this time of constraint and upheaval, there are unseen forces holding you steady while you try to run this new kind of energy… the energy of oneness with Divine purpose. It is a Divine connection, hosted in a human shell. Long ago, before you ever came into this life, you chose to embody this energy at this time. This is your contribution to the shift of the ages, and now is your time to fulfill that agreement.

The energy of Divine oneness or unity is the most powerful force in the Universe. It is powerful enough to constrain you when you try to separate from Divine guidance at your core and assert your human will.

In the old way of life, we accomplished our desired goals by asserting our human, egoic wills. We were conditioned to be willful and determined, wanting whatever we chose to have whenever we decided to have it. This way no longer works. When we assert our egoic will in the new energy that surrounds us now, the obstacles we encounter are numerous.

To move past the constraints of the present, we have to give up the drive to accomplish things by sheer force of will. Instead, we need to yield to trust: trust in the Divine, in Divine Guidance, in Spirit, in God, in the Universe… whatever you choose to call the essential life force energy.

When we choose to trust, the energy of the egoic will and resistance yield to a bigger plan - that of Divine perfection. From the place of trust, we are able to flow with the creative energies around us, participating in the process of creating a higher reality than we could ever conceive of before.

It is no longer possible to more forward in ego and still make spiritual progress. The constraining force of Spirit will block our movement at every turn. The inclination to be willful needs to be surrendered in order to move beyond the limitations of the egoic self. When we insist on operating from ego, we only end up hurting ourselves.

Spirit will guide you through this time of transition, no matter how difficult it feels. Those same unseen forces that hold you steady now, can and will lift you out of your despair. All it takes is letting go of the old way of using power willfully through ego and to embrace the path of faith - the pathway of trust and allowing.

We are living in a very different reality now than even five years ago. The old life with its hopes, dreams and relationships is now filed away in the archives of All That Is. To keep looking for it, merely deters our progress forward. We are in a new way of life now; mulling over the old ways with endless analysis, mourning and regret will bring no comfort.

The more we try to recreate the past, the more we find ourselves drawn down into the traps of ego like quicksand, our energy levels sinking into a quagmire of confusion and struggle.

Instead, now is the time to embrace what is showing up in your life moment by moment. Look for new ways to reframe things, new tools to do things with. Go inward. Drink deep from the wellspring of life. Let the timeless wisdom and healing energy of sacred teachings wash over you to renew your soul. Develop a dialogue with Spirit and ask for guidance and clarity. Stay present in the moment and allow the answers to flow to you through circumstances.

When action is indicated, do it. When circumstances open up for you, move forward. And when doors close, don’t try to break through them. Sometimes, we need to spend a while living in the in-between – learning to let go of the need to control, the need to logically understand. At times like these, we need to ask ourselves what we really want and why…even as we surrender the need to know how it will come about. We need to simply be present, be patient, and be still.

For years, I would ask Spirit for explanations to help me understand the why and how of life’s senseless tragedies. Invariably, the answer would come back in one cryptic word: “Trust.” Never before has the need to trust been more important for our personal well-being than now. Outside ourselves, the whole world is going through a spin cycle now. Just as we are experiencing at the microscopic level, willfulness and ego needs to be eliminated on a global scale as well to make space for a new order of trust and humility.

You don’t lack power. You are a powerful being. What you lack is remembrance. There is nothing wrong with you that complete remembrance will not heal. Like a survivor who has buried the unbearable agony of trauma beneath a layer of amnesia until they are ready to process it, we have chosen not to remember everything at once. As we proceed on the path we are shown, more is revealed to us. Through the integration and healing of each memory that surfaces, we reclaim our wholeness and power.

During this time of transition at every level of society, there are some helpful guidelines to keep us on track. Here are a few reminders:

Stay Detached

When we become emotionally attached to a desired cause or outcome, we become vulnerable to the trappings of the ego. Acknowledge your feelings and then surrender them to the Divine will so you can stay aligned to your life source.

Set Clear Boundaries

Social pressure always tries to make us conform to the expectations of others. Defining your boundaries protects your power. You are not obligated to accommodate everyone; instead, your first commitment needs to honor your inner guidance. What is your truth in the situation? Are you compromising in order to be liked, accepted, or nice? Just becaue it is a good cause, does not mean you have to do it! You cannot find happiness by living your life to appease the expectations of others. Define how far you are willing to go and then say no: No, I cannot have you as a house guest for a month; no, I am not able to able to have lunch with you today; no, I am not able to volunteer my time to sell Girl Scout cookies.

Stay Present

When we feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the present, we may choose to find refuge in the memories of the past or the dreams of the future. Neither serves us well. Now is the only time we have – life only happens in the now. Don’t let regrets over the past or fears of the future rob you of the precious gift of staying present in the Now.

Listen to Yourself

Within you is the wisdom to address all the challenges of life. When you feel overwhelmed, slow down and focus on your body. Let the wisdom within show you what you really want. Ever found yourself ‘giving in’ to the requests of others while you feel a huge lump in your chest or stomach? You body is trying to tell you something. If you cannot maintain inner harmony while engaging in the activity, recognize your body’s signals and re-align with your personal truth. When you listen to your body, you will recognize the ‘right timing’ at the place where desire and opportunity intersect. There will always be peace and confidence there, enabling you to flow forward with grace and ease.

Forgiveness: A Path to Healing

In our journey to inner peace and healing, both guilt and forgiveness of self and others have a profound effect on this process. Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability especially for imagined offences or from a sense of inadequacy; a self-reproach; and forgiveness as the act of forgiving or the ceasing of feeling resentment against an offender. Guilt and lack of forgiveness of self and others, burdens many people with the heavy weight of inappropriate shame and the destruction of deep-seated resentments. In recent years, much has been written about the destructiveness of repressed emotions and particularly anger and resentment in contributing to life-threatening illnesses.

The belief that feeling emotion means we are weak is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling or denying our feelings is tantamount to creating illness. Beliefs such as 'big boys don't cry' and 'good girls don't get angry' has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel. Depression is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of the need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings. Many other illnesses and particularly the addictions are theorised to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.

Why won't we forgive? I believe it starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves. We believe that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance. Somewhere along the line, we started to believe that all the rules and regulations of the society in which we live defined who we were supposed to be. We stopped trusting and believing in our own inherent worth and came to believe that we were 'not good enough.' Messages such as 'you failed' or 'you should' became a litany for us to abuse ourselves with guilt. I call it abuse because it is just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us. We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived offences. When the primary caregivers such as parents, teachers, and other societal influences are unable to love themselves unconditionally, this 'learned attitude' is passed on to the next generation as shame in an attempt to control behaviour.

This sense of shame differs from guilt in that guilt is about behaviour. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It is about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable become the conviction underlying your life. Children grow up believing they are 'not good enough' and become the caregivers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on. I am not blaming the parents and caregivers here as we parent the way we were parented. My own definition of maturity is that maturity is achieved when we are able to forgive our parents and other significant adults for being human.

What Is Self-forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are worthy, that there are no mistakes rather, you are on the planet, or in Earth School (as some people call it) to learn about being human. The opportunities to learn are just that - not mistakes - just opportunities to learn.

Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness

1. Examine how you perceived a certain situation and how you can chose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations of the situation.

2. Accept yourself and your humanness - you are not supposed to be perfect.

3. Admit when you make a mistake.

4. Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know, and that includes you.

5. Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the ‘Now.’

6. Confront your emotional pain - own your own ‘stuff.’

7. Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.

8. Say 'I forgive myself for ____________ (whatever).'