Inevitably in life we will have to face disappointment from time to time. Sometimes they may be little disappointments, and other times they may be great, big, heart wrenching disappointments. When this happens to us, we have a choice in how we react. Some of us may give up on our dreams, others may keep fighting stubbornly against the tide, and still others may choose another path to travel.
One important aspect of dealing with disappointment is acceptance. When we keep fighting against our circumstances and disappointments, it can leave us feeling frustrated, bitter and exhausted. Especially during those times in life when everything seems to keep going wrong for us, we get more and more stressed as we try to resist the undesirable circumstances.
Practicing acceptance can help ease that inner tension and allow us to see our situation more clearly. Accepting your circumstances does not mean giving up! It does not mean that you have to be 100% happy with your current situation. Acceptance means that you acknowledge and accept where you are in your life at this moment, even though it may not be ideal.
Maybe you hate your job or your marriage is faltering. Maybe you are struggling to lose weight and can't seem to get anywhere with it. Whatever it is that is causing you stress, try accepting it instead of fighting against it. Repeat the following to yourself: "I may not be thrilled with the way things are in my life right now, but I accept it. I will do what I can and give the rest to God. I am thankful for the blessings I do have right now, and I know that more are on the way."
It may take alot of practice at the beginning, but as you continue to do this, something amazing happens. The struggles suddenly don't seem so large anymore. They won't magically dissolve before your eyes, but the edges seem to soften a bit. Life doesn't seem quite so harsh anymore. Solutions to the problems may even begin to appear. If that doesn't happen right away, that's okay! Know that they will eventually. Just keep practicing acceptance and have faith that things will turn around.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. We are where we are in our lives right now because we are meant to be here. Several factors may have contributed to our current circumstances, such as choices we made in the past, or outside influences we have no control over. The questions to ask yourself are: What is the lesson here? What do I need to learn about this situation? Though you may not be happy with your current situation, there IS a reason you are there right now.
This is especially true if you continuously find yourself in similar situations! For example, if you keep choosing unhealthy relationships, you might want to take some time to discover why. If you are always struggling financially, there may be a message for you there. If you can't seem to figure it out on your own, you might consider seeking professional help. Sometimes an outside party can see things that we can't.
No matter what difficulties you are struggling with right now, know that this too shall pass. Difficulties do not last forever. Sometimes struggles are opportunities in disguise . . .
Senin, 31 Mei 2010
Minggu, 30 Mei 2010
Celebrating Spunky Ethel & All Bodacious Moms
Copyright 2006 Mary Foley
Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that this little Irish girl - whose grandmother nicknamed herself Spunky Ethel - wrote a book entitled "Bodacious!" Spunky Ethel is my bodacious mother of origin and her legacy continues to this day through all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren, especially the female ones.
Bodacious moms are a powerful influence. I have very clear memories of my grandmother picking me up after school, and taking time to focus on me and my world. Sitting at the Roses discount store lunch counter, she taught me how a little love and chocolate cake can melt away the stresses of grade school. Later, as a teenager, I remember one hot day pulling up in front of her home to find her perched outside, drinking a can of beer through a straw…with all the class and charm of her elegant dinner parties of years before. She had spunk all right; she was living life on her own terms.
Spunky Ethel passed this independent thinking to my mom as well. I remember my mom telling me stories about her mom encouraging her to take solo bus trips downtown as an adolescent. My mom describes it as a wondrous, enlightening experience that grew her understanding of the world and her confidence. Like any parent, Spunky Ethel wanted her daughter to experience even more opportunity as a woman. Though Grandma was only able to attend a few years of college, she made sure her daughter would be able to graduate. I can only imagine how proud they both must have been when my mom received her diploma at graduation.
My mom passed that same strong sense of self-worth and the ability to create the life you want to her daughters. When I was growing up social norms regarding women were dramatically changing, but nothing guaranteed that I'd seek my own place in these opportunities. My mom (and dad) instilled in me the responsibility to decide what I wanted to do and then use the best of my abilities. That's why my book's dedication reads: "For my parents Charles and Donna Foley who believed I could be anything I wanted." "This too shall pass" was one of Spunky Ethel's favorite phrases. How right she was, not only regarding the moment's circumstances, but also concerning our time together. She strove to make each encounter meaningful. And it was in those encounters that I learned what it meant to be a bodacious woman. To Spunky Ethel, my bodacious mom, and all bodacious moms out there, I salute you!
Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that this little Irish girl - whose grandmother nicknamed herself Spunky Ethel - wrote a book entitled "Bodacious!" Spunky Ethel is my bodacious mother of origin and her legacy continues to this day through all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren, especially the female ones.
Bodacious moms are a powerful influence. I have very clear memories of my grandmother picking me up after school, and taking time to focus on me and my world. Sitting at the Roses discount store lunch counter, she taught me how a little love and chocolate cake can melt away the stresses of grade school. Later, as a teenager, I remember one hot day pulling up in front of her home to find her perched outside, drinking a can of beer through a straw…with all the class and charm of her elegant dinner parties of years before. She had spunk all right; she was living life on her own terms.
Spunky Ethel passed this independent thinking to my mom as well. I remember my mom telling me stories about her mom encouraging her to take solo bus trips downtown as an adolescent. My mom describes it as a wondrous, enlightening experience that grew her understanding of the world and her confidence. Like any parent, Spunky Ethel wanted her daughter to experience even more opportunity as a woman. Though Grandma was only able to attend a few years of college, she made sure her daughter would be able to graduate. I can only imagine how proud they both must have been when my mom received her diploma at graduation.
My mom passed that same strong sense of self-worth and the ability to create the life you want to her daughters. When I was growing up social norms regarding women were dramatically changing, but nothing guaranteed that I'd seek my own place in these opportunities. My mom (and dad) instilled in me the responsibility to decide what I wanted to do and then use the best of my abilities. That's why my book's dedication reads: "For my parents Charles and Donna Foley who believed I could be anything I wanted." "This too shall pass" was one of Spunky Ethel's favorite phrases. How right she was, not only regarding the moment's circumstances, but also concerning our time together. She strove to make each encounter meaningful. And it was in those encounters that I learned what it meant to be a bodacious woman. To Spunky Ethel, my bodacious mom, and all bodacious moms out there, I salute you!
Sabtu, 29 Mei 2010
Causes Of Public Speaking Phobia
According to World Book Online Research Encyclopedia, "Phobia is an unreasonable yet strong fear of a certain object, class of objects or a situation." People who suffer phobia have a compelling desire to avoid the object or situation that causes their stress.
Phobia may be classified into two types:
• Specific Phobia, such as fear of animals (i.e. Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders; Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things).
• Social Phobia is an anxiety disorder where the sufferer fears being assessed adversely in front of a group. Thus, Public speaking phobia is an over-emphasized fear of speaking in front of a group.
According to World Psychiatric Association (1995), Social Phobia affects one to 10 people at some stage of their lives. Sufferers experience dizziness, muscle tension, trembling, blushing and/or sweating, and even heart palpitations when exposed to the feared object or situation. Others do not manifest physical symptoms but they are overtly conscious of how others react to them. They also have a tendency to underestimate their capability to overcome the feared situation.
Among the common effects of Social Phobia in a person are:
• Unstable employment record
• Have less or no friends
• Being single
• Having a low educational attainment
Studies show that public speaking phobia, and most phobias, develop in middle or late childhood stage. It usually starts from an unpleasant experience like being humiliated in front of the class; this unpleasant experience gets stored in the child's memory and is brought up when faced with similar situations.
Children who have been exposed to people with public speaking phobia, like their parents or friends, learn the phobia by hearing them. They immediately conclude that what they have heard of is true without actually verifying the facts.
Research also shows that genetics also play an important role in developing phobias. It has a tendency to occur in families. Phobias are mostly likely to occur in identical twins, than in fraternal twins.
Luckily, there are many ways to treat Phobia.
• PERSONAL MOTIVATION. There are many self-help books that can help you overcome your public speaking phobia. Your desire to overcome your fear is the most important factor of treatment.
• PROFESSIONAL TREATMENT. If self-treatment does not work for you, you can seek help from a professional. Exposure to therapy is a good example of this method, which focuses on the behavior instead of the thoughts of the sufferer.
• Other kinds of treatment include:
• Counseling - discussing your phobia with a professional.
• Hypnosis
• Medication - This method is used if the sufferer has other mental conditions that are affected by the phobia. The use of these drugs can only be used for a short period of time. Using medication alone cannot cure the phobia.
Phobia may be classified into two types:
• Specific Phobia, such as fear of animals (i.e. Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders; Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things).
• Social Phobia is an anxiety disorder where the sufferer fears being assessed adversely in front of a group. Thus, Public speaking phobia is an over-emphasized fear of speaking in front of a group.
According to World Psychiatric Association (1995), Social Phobia affects one to 10 people at some stage of their lives. Sufferers experience dizziness, muscle tension, trembling, blushing and/or sweating, and even heart palpitations when exposed to the feared object or situation. Others do not manifest physical symptoms but they are overtly conscious of how others react to them. They also have a tendency to underestimate their capability to overcome the feared situation.
Among the common effects of Social Phobia in a person are:
• Unstable employment record
• Have less or no friends
• Being single
• Having a low educational attainment
Studies show that public speaking phobia, and most phobias, develop in middle or late childhood stage. It usually starts from an unpleasant experience like being humiliated in front of the class; this unpleasant experience gets stored in the child's memory and is brought up when faced with similar situations.
Children who have been exposed to people with public speaking phobia, like their parents or friends, learn the phobia by hearing them. They immediately conclude that what they have heard of is true without actually verifying the facts.
Research also shows that genetics also play an important role in developing phobias. It has a tendency to occur in families. Phobias are mostly likely to occur in identical twins, than in fraternal twins.
Luckily, there are many ways to treat Phobia.
• PERSONAL MOTIVATION. There are many self-help books that can help you overcome your public speaking phobia. Your desire to overcome your fear is the most important factor of treatment.
• PROFESSIONAL TREATMENT. If self-treatment does not work for you, you can seek help from a professional. Exposure to therapy is a good example of this method, which focuses on the behavior instead of the thoughts of the sufferer.
• Other kinds of treatment include:
• Counseling - discussing your phobia with a professional.
• Hypnosis
• Medication - This method is used if the sufferer has other mental conditions that are affected by the phobia. The use of these drugs can only be used for a short period of time. Using medication alone cannot cure the phobia.
Jumat, 28 Mei 2010
Can't Find Your One True Path?
So you're trying to figure out what you're going to be when you grow up. The problem is you're 38, have two grown children and a husband, not to mention two cats and a dog named Sirius Black Dixon. Oh, wait, sorry, I guess I got distracted and thought we were talking about me.
Back to you. You're physically "grown," but you haven't found your "one true path." You don’t know yet what you’re going to do with your life, and you’re feeling lost, confused, and worried.
Okay, let's start with the brutal truth here. If you have spent a lot of time, effort and creative energy looking for your one true path, I have bad news.
You probably don't have one.
You see, people who have one true paths know they do and they know what they are. This is not always true. Nothing is always true. But in general, people who “home in” on one career do it early and stick with it, or if they change careers, they do it in a reasoned, considered way.
People like us, who stumble and bumble and jumble from one thing to another to another to another, we don't have one true path. We have something. It’s just not one true path.
That's the good news. Because what we have, boy is it better.
We have multiple paths. They fit our multiple passions and our multiple talents and our multitasking personalities.
You and I? We can be whatever we want. For as long as we want. And then go do something else. We can be writers, and while we’re being writers, or when we’re done being writers, we can be teachers, or driving instructors. Now, admittedly, we’re not going to be astrophysicists or CEOs of major companies. But most of us don’t want that. What we can be is just about anything we want to be – and just about everything.
Don't you feel liberated?
Back to you. You're physically "grown," but you haven't found your "one true path." You don’t know yet what you’re going to do with your life, and you’re feeling lost, confused, and worried.
Okay, let's start with the brutal truth here. If you have spent a lot of time, effort and creative energy looking for your one true path, I have bad news.
You probably don't have one.
You see, people who have one true paths know they do and they know what they are. This is not always true. Nothing is always true. But in general, people who “home in” on one career do it early and stick with it, or if they change careers, they do it in a reasoned, considered way.
People like us, who stumble and bumble and jumble from one thing to another to another to another, we don't have one true path. We have something. It’s just not one true path.
That's the good news. Because what we have, boy is it better.
We have multiple paths. They fit our multiple passions and our multiple talents and our multitasking personalities.
You and I? We can be whatever we want. For as long as we want. And then go do something else. We can be writers, and while we’re being writers, or when we’re done being writers, we can be teachers, or driving instructors. Now, admittedly, we’re not going to be astrophysicists or CEOs of major companies. But most of us don’t want that. What we can be is just about anything we want to be – and just about everything.
Don't you feel liberated?
Kamis, 27 Mei 2010
Can Dreams Tell The Future?
Why do you dream?
The precise function of dreaming when we sleep is still a matter of disputation among scientists and dream researchers. One accepted theory holds that dreams are a way for the subconscious mind to rinse out itself and make sense of the sensory inputs gotten during the daytime where you were awake. Another accepted theory is that dreams are a sort of let go valve. For example, a lot of people hold back or repress their feelings of anger and dislike during the day. The theory says that dreams are a practical and safe outlet for those repressed feelings to be express.
Can dreams tell the future?
At the same time as many people feel that their dreams can tell the future, there is no scientific proof that dreams are foretelling. What a lot of people mistake for prediction may actually be the fact that the subconscious mind notices things that go totally unnoticed by the conscious mind. When you sleep and dream, the stuff noticed by the subconscious mind is included into the dream, and you may notice many things you missed during the day. These unnoticed clues may be misinterpreted as predictions of what is to come in the future, but in fact they were just missed clues to present events.
Do you dream every night?
Yes you do dream every night, whether you can remember your dreams or not. The dreams that you most likely can remember are the ones that take place closest to waking.
How many dreams do you have in a night?
On average you have between four and seven dreams per night. And 15% to 20% of the typical night is spent sleeping, and consequently an eight hour night of sleep will have up to two hours of dreaming in it.
The stages of your sleep.
It takes you anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes to reach a sleep state, that is deep enough for dreaming. In the final and deepest stage of you sleep you will cycle in and out of REM sleep. The average session of REM sleep lasts from 10 to 20 minutes, after which you cycle back into the deepest stage of sleeping. And then after a while, you will reenter REM sleep again. Each session of REM sleep will contain its own unique dream.
Do children dream about themselves?
The interesting thing to note here is that children normally do not dream about themselves until they reach the age of three. Children younger than three are not characters in their own dreams. This may explain why most children do not develop a strong sense of self until the age of three.
Do children’s dreams have the same meaning as adult dreams?
In most cases, dreams are a reflection of your concerns and experience of the awake and conscious world. Because those concerns and experiences are different in children than in adults, the differences are most likely reflected in the child’s dream as well. Studies have shown that the dreams of young children do not have either strong emotional content or a real storyline. A child between the age of 3 and 7 are frequently troubled by nightmares. These nightmares are often reflections of their own real world fears. Like noises, monsters, and so on. The dreams of older children or teenagers very much match those experienced by adults.
The precise function of dreaming when we sleep is still a matter of disputation among scientists and dream researchers. One accepted theory holds that dreams are a way for the subconscious mind to rinse out itself and make sense of the sensory inputs gotten during the daytime where you were awake. Another accepted theory is that dreams are a sort of let go valve. For example, a lot of people hold back or repress their feelings of anger and dislike during the day. The theory says that dreams are a practical and safe outlet for those repressed feelings to be express.
Can dreams tell the future?
At the same time as many people feel that their dreams can tell the future, there is no scientific proof that dreams are foretelling. What a lot of people mistake for prediction may actually be the fact that the subconscious mind notices things that go totally unnoticed by the conscious mind. When you sleep and dream, the stuff noticed by the subconscious mind is included into the dream, and you may notice many things you missed during the day. These unnoticed clues may be misinterpreted as predictions of what is to come in the future, but in fact they were just missed clues to present events.
Do you dream every night?
Yes you do dream every night, whether you can remember your dreams or not. The dreams that you most likely can remember are the ones that take place closest to waking.
How many dreams do you have in a night?
On average you have between four and seven dreams per night. And 15% to 20% of the typical night is spent sleeping, and consequently an eight hour night of sleep will have up to two hours of dreaming in it.
The stages of your sleep.
It takes you anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes to reach a sleep state, that is deep enough for dreaming. In the final and deepest stage of you sleep you will cycle in and out of REM sleep. The average session of REM sleep lasts from 10 to 20 minutes, after which you cycle back into the deepest stage of sleeping. And then after a while, you will reenter REM sleep again. Each session of REM sleep will contain its own unique dream.
Do children dream about themselves?
The interesting thing to note here is that children normally do not dream about themselves until they reach the age of three. Children younger than three are not characters in their own dreams. This may explain why most children do not develop a strong sense of self until the age of three.
Do children’s dreams have the same meaning as adult dreams?
In most cases, dreams are a reflection of your concerns and experience of the awake and conscious world. Because those concerns and experiences are different in children than in adults, the differences are most likely reflected in the child’s dream as well. Studies have shown that the dreams of young children do not have either strong emotional content or a real storyline. A child between the age of 3 and 7 are frequently troubled by nightmares. These nightmares are often reflections of their own real world fears. Like noises, monsters, and so on. The dreams of older children or teenagers very much match those experienced by adults.
Rabu, 26 Mei 2010
Calm Your Mind And Spirit Through A Spiritual Retreat
A lot of the busy people nowadays are actually really prone to undergoing all sorts of stress related activities from high tailing it from one meeting to another or giving a presentation or a report that took weeks before it could be finished. Such stressful activities can really be jarring on the nerves which is why a lot of people become cranky and would not care less about how they associate with other people anymore.
1. Regain Self
When this happens and that person has already lost contact with his or her spiritual self as well as a good relationship with God, then it is really time to file for a vacation leave for your self and join a spiritual retreat wherein you will be able to calm your nerves and senses so that you will be able to go back and think about the really important things in life. Acknowledging people's importance in your life and how you greatly appreciate their constant presence in your life will really be able to help you have a successful spiritual retreat.
2. Cater To Your Needs
When it comes to joining a spiritual retreat, you must consider the following things when trying to pick out from the various spiritual retreat venues the ones that will really be able to cater to your spiritual needs as well as will be able to foster your spiritual well being. There really are a lot of spiritual retreat venues that are available nowadays for people who would just like to get away from it all and what is great about it is that you need not worry about being bored to your wits in these spiritual retreats since the organizers of these spiritual retreats have already made it possible that you will actually have a good time in their spiritual retreat programs.
- Talking about your feelings
- Your anger
- The world
- Your frustrations
- Your hopes
- Rekindle your relationship with God
3. Aims And Goals
A spiritual retreat aims to answer all these doubts and reassure you that God is certainly with us, always guiding and protecting us from harm. Like if your car has been bumped by another car and it has left a deep dent on the back, you can be rest assured that God is still protecting you since at least you were saved from any bodily harm and that your car is just a material possession that if you really work hard on it, you can actually still have it fixed or you can just buy a better model. A really enables you to become more objective when it comes to dealing with certain situations and to not get easily angry with others as well as with God.
4. Relaxation In Paradise
Still, there are those who go on to spiritual retreats hoping that they will be able to just have the time to reflect on the things that they have done and let go of all regrets - the chances that they did not took as well all the wrong things that they have done. Because as the cliché goes, it's all in the past. While a spiritual retreat is really meant for looking back on your past in order to be able to have a better looking future with your newfound faith in God as well as in yourself. It is highly important that you should also be to finally let go of the things that have been bothering you in the past therefore not enabling you to live your life accordingly to God's will.
1. Regain Self
When this happens and that person has already lost contact with his or her spiritual self as well as a good relationship with God, then it is really time to file for a vacation leave for your self and join a spiritual retreat wherein you will be able to calm your nerves and senses so that you will be able to go back and think about the really important things in life. Acknowledging people's importance in your life and how you greatly appreciate their constant presence in your life will really be able to help you have a successful spiritual retreat.
2. Cater To Your Needs
When it comes to joining a spiritual retreat, you must consider the following things when trying to pick out from the various spiritual retreat venues the ones that will really be able to cater to your spiritual needs as well as will be able to foster your spiritual well being. There really are a lot of spiritual retreat venues that are available nowadays for people who would just like to get away from it all and what is great about it is that you need not worry about being bored to your wits in these spiritual retreats since the organizers of these spiritual retreats have already made it possible that you will actually have a good time in their spiritual retreat programs.
- Talking about your feelings
- Your anger
- The world
- Your frustrations
- Your hopes
- Rekindle your relationship with God
3. Aims And Goals
A spiritual retreat aims to answer all these doubts and reassure you that God is certainly with us, always guiding and protecting us from harm. Like if your car has been bumped by another car and it has left a deep dent on the back, you can be rest assured that God is still protecting you since at least you were saved from any bodily harm and that your car is just a material possession that if you really work hard on it, you can actually still have it fixed or you can just buy a better model. A really enables you to become more objective when it comes to dealing with certain situations and to not get easily angry with others as well as with God.
4. Relaxation In Paradise
Still, there are those who go on to spiritual retreats hoping that they will be able to just have the time to reflect on the things that they have done and let go of all regrets - the chances that they did not took as well all the wrong things that they have done. Because as the cliché goes, it's all in the past. While a spiritual retreat is really meant for looking back on your past in order to be able to have a better looking future with your newfound faith in God as well as in yourself. It is highly important that you should also be to finally let go of the things that have been bothering you in the past therefore not enabling you to live your life accordingly to God's will.
Selasa, 25 Mei 2010
Building your child's self esteem
Copyright 2006 Emmanuel Segui
It's one of those things that all parents want to provide for their children and one of those things that many feel they do not know how to do: raise a self-confident child. Self-esteem oftentimes seems like a fragile, distant thing that we all know what it is but don't know how to develop. Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about yourself. It encompasses everything from your confidence in relationships, to your body image, to your work life. So how do you foster this "thing" in your children?
We teach our children "honesty is the best policy." This applies to how we deal with our children as much as it does expecting them to be honest with us. When it comes to your child's self-esteem, he or she will know or be able to sense if you are not being honest. For example, if art is not your child's top skill, don't say that his or her drawing is the best you've ever seen. Your child will know it's not, and will not believe you the next time you say something meant to be positive, no matter how honest it is. Instead, tell your child something genuine about the piece or the effort. Make non-judgmental statements such as, "You really used your imagination in making the flowers many different colors." This simply states your observation, rather than a false statement.
Also, understand that your child and your child's behavior are two separate things. This can be very hard to remember, particularly when your child is acting out in ways that make you crazy or that are unsafe. However, when you discipline your child for the behavior rather than the person, you can positively influence and foster self esteem. Why? If your child feels that you are mad, because of who he or she is as a person rather than for the behavior, this can negatively affect your child's self-esteem. Using "I" statements helps with this. Say something like, "I don't like it when you leave your toys scattered all over the floor," which also addresses the behavior, rather than, "You are a slob," which attacks their character.
Let your child make some decisions. Children are in a situation where everyone else is constantly telling them what to do, when to do it, where to go, and more. When children are allowed to make some choices, even if it's something small, they learn to be self-reliant. You don't want your children growing up feeling dependent on others for direction. Simple choices such as what to wear (you can offer two or three choices) or choosing a special lunch item will foster your child's being able to think independently.
Encourage your children to try new things. While there's nothing wrong with encouraging your child's talents--this will help build self-confidence as well--it's also important that your children learn to experiment. Trying new things helps everyone overcome fears of the unknown and helps us learn to deal with success and failure.
If a child never learns to try new things, this can create problems later in life.
After all, most people do not live in world where everything is the same day after day. Life is constantly changing, whether it's a move to a new city or starting a new career. If children are experienced at trying new things, even if small, life's bigger transitions will be much easier--such as leaving for college and starting a career.
These are, of course, only a few things you can do to help develop your child's self-confidence. The important thing to remember is that it is an ongoing process. The little things do add up, even if they seem unimportant. This can be helpful to keep in mind, particularly when something as important as developing your child's self esteem feels like a monumental task. It doesn't have to be! Taking time to recognize your child for the wonderful person he or she is, combined with a few techniques and consistency will go a long way toward raising a healthy, confident adult.
It's one of those things that all parents want to provide for their children and one of those things that many feel they do not know how to do: raise a self-confident child. Self-esteem oftentimes seems like a fragile, distant thing that we all know what it is but don't know how to develop. Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about yourself. It encompasses everything from your confidence in relationships, to your body image, to your work life. So how do you foster this "thing" in your children?
We teach our children "honesty is the best policy." This applies to how we deal with our children as much as it does expecting them to be honest with us. When it comes to your child's self-esteem, he or she will know or be able to sense if you are not being honest. For example, if art is not your child's top skill, don't say that his or her drawing is the best you've ever seen. Your child will know it's not, and will not believe you the next time you say something meant to be positive, no matter how honest it is. Instead, tell your child something genuine about the piece or the effort. Make non-judgmental statements such as, "You really used your imagination in making the flowers many different colors." This simply states your observation, rather than a false statement.
Also, understand that your child and your child's behavior are two separate things. This can be very hard to remember, particularly when your child is acting out in ways that make you crazy or that are unsafe. However, when you discipline your child for the behavior rather than the person, you can positively influence and foster self esteem. Why? If your child feels that you are mad, because of who he or she is as a person rather than for the behavior, this can negatively affect your child's self-esteem. Using "I" statements helps with this. Say something like, "I don't like it when you leave your toys scattered all over the floor," which also addresses the behavior, rather than, "You are a slob," which attacks their character.
Let your child make some decisions. Children are in a situation where everyone else is constantly telling them what to do, when to do it, where to go, and more. When children are allowed to make some choices, even if it's something small, they learn to be self-reliant. You don't want your children growing up feeling dependent on others for direction. Simple choices such as what to wear (you can offer two or three choices) or choosing a special lunch item will foster your child's being able to think independently.
Encourage your children to try new things. While there's nothing wrong with encouraging your child's talents--this will help build self-confidence as well--it's also important that your children learn to experiment. Trying new things helps everyone overcome fears of the unknown and helps us learn to deal with success and failure.
If a child never learns to try new things, this can create problems later in life.
After all, most people do not live in world where everything is the same day after day. Life is constantly changing, whether it's a move to a new city or starting a new career. If children are experienced at trying new things, even if small, life's bigger transitions will be much easier--such as leaving for college and starting a career.
These are, of course, only a few things you can do to help develop your child's self-confidence. The important thing to remember is that it is an ongoing process. The little things do add up, even if they seem unimportant. This can be helpful to keep in mind, particularly when something as important as developing your child's self esteem feels like a monumental task. It doesn't have to be! Taking time to recognize your child for the wonderful person he or she is, combined with a few techniques and consistency will go a long way toward raising a healthy, confident adult.
Senin, 24 Mei 2010
Build The Confidence To Approach Other People, Through The Power Of Compassion!
Do you often feel uncomfortable in a social situation? Perhaps you’re overly shy? Or your stomach ties up in knots at the thought of approaching someone even just to say “Hi!”
Well the good news is that there are many techniques which you can use to help you overcome this problem of social shyness or anxiety. I’m going to share one of my favourites below. But first, three important points that need to be highlighted (so imagine them covered by ink from a bright yellow fluoro highlighter pen)
1. Don’t expect to get the confidence of Tony Robbins in one day. All changes happen in small steps. Make an effort to stretch yourself just a little bit further every day. And celebrate your victories, no matter how small they are. Those small victories will over time grow into a massive change in your confidence.
2. The best way to overcome a fear is to face it and succeed. What I’m presenting today is one way to build the courage to face your fear. What you need to do though is not only use it, but also search out a whole host of other techniques as well. And use them! Different techniques may be more appropriate for different situations. We’ll of course be talking about many of the other techniques in future articles.
3. As always, if your social shyness or anxiety is causing difficulties in your life, please consider talking to a doctor or a counsellor. They will be able to expand on this strategy, and provide you with many more. They really can help.
So, as promised, here’s one of my favourite techniques for helping you feel more confident as you approach other people in a social situation.
You will be tapping into one of the greatest powers you have within you. More powerful than all the fear you may currently feel.
That power is compassion.
In many of us though it lies asleep, a luxury we feel we can’t afford just yet. Maybe something we’ll get around to exploring when we get over our problems and start feeling happy about ourselves. After all, how can we be compassionate towards others when we don’t even feel good about ourselves?
Is that what you think?
Well, I think we’re better served by looking at things from a different perspective. One that sees compassion not only as a tool for helping others, but also for helping ourselves.
So, how do we use compassion in this situation?
SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AS BEING JUST LIKE YOU!
They are human. Somewhere within them they have fears too. Their fears may not be visible to you on the surface, but they’re there. We are all human.
We all desire human contact!
We all desire friendship!
We all desire to be loved!
So before approaching someone, remind yourself that they too may have difficulties making the first move. They may be waiting for someone to talk to about their problems and their issues. They may be waiting for someone just like you, who can understand them and their own fears. Someone just like you, with a heart filled with compassion and love. And perhaps in time, if a friendship develops, you can help them with their own fears.
Why does this work? Simply because it takes the focus off you, and places it onto the other person. How can you help them? How can you be their friend in a time of need?
Of course, don’t approach them with these questions directly. It would not be appropriate in most social situations, especially if you don’t know the person yet. Just approach them with this understanding, that they’re just like you. They too are human. Make conversation. Talk about them, and their interests. Many times this may lead nowhere. Sometimes though, it could develop into one of the best friendships of your life.
They’re just like you. So there’s no need to be afraid. They also want someone to talk to. Help them!
You can let your shyness or anxiety be a source of fear within yourself, or you can let it build your compassion towards others who are also facing their own demons. Choose compassion! In return, you will also be helping yourself overcome your own fears, one conversation at a time.
Lance Beggs
Well the good news is that there are many techniques which you can use to help you overcome this problem of social shyness or anxiety. I’m going to share one of my favourites below. But first, three important points that need to be highlighted (so imagine them covered by ink from a bright yellow fluoro highlighter pen)
1. Don’t expect to get the confidence of Tony Robbins in one day. All changes happen in small steps. Make an effort to stretch yourself just a little bit further every day. And celebrate your victories, no matter how small they are. Those small victories will over time grow into a massive change in your confidence.
2. The best way to overcome a fear is to face it and succeed. What I’m presenting today is one way to build the courage to face your fear. What you need to do though is not only use it, but also search out a whole host of other techniques as well. And use them! Different techniques may be more appropriate for different situations. We’ll of course be talking about many of the other techniques in future articles.
3. As always, if your social shyness or anxiety is causing difficulties in your life, please consider talking to a doctor or a counsellor. They will be able to expand on this strategy, and provide you with many more. They really can help.
So, as promised, here’s one of my favourite techniques for helping you feel more confident as you approach other people in a social situation.
You will be tapping into one of the greatest powers you have within you. More powerful than all the fear you may currently feel.
That power is compassion.
In many of us though it lies asleep, a luxury we feel we can’t afford just yet. Maybe something we’ll get around to exploring when we get over our problems and start feeling happy about ourselves. After all, how can we be compassionate towards others when we don’t even feel good about ourselves?
Is that what you think?
Well, I think we’re better served by looking at things from a different perspective. One that sees compassion not only as a tool for helping others, but also for helping ourselves.
So, how do we use compassion in this situation?
SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AS BEING JUST LIKE YOU!
They are human. Somewhere within them they have fears too. Their fears may not be visible to you on the surface, but they’re there. We are all human.
We all desire human contact!
We all desire friendship!
We all desire to be loved!
So before approaching someone, remind yourself that they too may have difficulties making the first move. They may be waiting for someone to talk to about their problems and their issues. They may be waiting for someone just like you, who can understand them and their own fears. Someone just like you, with a heart filled with compassion and love. And perhaps in time, if a friendship develops, you can help them with their own fears.
Why does this work? Simply because it takes the focus off you, and places it onto the other person. How can you help them? How can you be their friend in a time of need?
Of course, don’t approach them with these questions directly. It would not be appropriate in most social situations, especially if you don’t know the person yet. Just approach them with this understanding, that they’re just like you. They too are human. Make conversation. Talk about them, and their interests. Many times this may lead nowhere. Sometimes though, it could develop into one of the best friendships of your life.
They’re just like you. So there’s no need to be afraid. They also want someone to talk to. Help them!
You can let your shyness or anxiety be a source of fear within yourself, or you can let it build your compassion towards others who are also facing their own demons. Choose compassion! In return, you will also be helping yourself overcome your own fears, one conversation at a time.
Lance Beggs
Minggu, 23 Mei 2010
Brief Grounding of an Idea: A Guided Meditation for You
Copyright 2006 Marshall House
Purpose of this Meditation
The purpose of this guided meditation is to help you to ground an idea. That is, to help an idea of your choosing to manifest. In my view, it is easy to have an idea, even a brilliant idea; it is not so easy to manifest it if our contradictory thoughts get in the way.
Instructions
Find a comfortable place, sitting or lying down, where you can be fully relaxed and open to the ideas and energy of this guided meditation. After settling down and before reading, take three long, deep breaths to calm and empty yourself.
Reading this Meditation
This guided meditation is designed for you to read aloud to yourself or to someone else. For yourself, you may find that creating an audio tape recording is particularly effective. Speed reading this meditation will not accelerate spiritual progress! In fact, speaking slowly in a monotone is beneficial when guiding this meditation, even though such an approach is generally frowned upon in public speaking.
The designation "......" indicates a pause, during which you may choose to be quiet or close your eyes and experience whatever comes to you. The ...... may look awkward as you glance at the page. However, when you are reading the meditation, it serves as a reminder to slow down generally and pause at that place.
During the meditation, you will be instructed to identify an idea you want to manifest, which will then be referred to as (your idea). In place of (your idea), read or think the idea you have identified or read "your idea" if you are reading this to someone else.
The Meditation: Brief Grounding of an Idea
Breathe in your essence. Your essence is who you are. Your essence is pure and clear. ...... Receive it. ...... Let it flow downward through your body, through the various layers and levels of who you are. ......
Let energy flow from the spiritual layer downward through the mental layer, into the emotional layer and then into the physical layer. This is the direction for manifestation. Experience energy as it flows from the top down. ......
Anchor the energy by moving it down through the body, through these layers and levels, down to the feet. ...... Linger at the feet so this magnificent energy from above becomes so familiar to the feet that you know easily when to step forward, move back, or stand still. ...... Let your feet continue to vibrate so they place you exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there. ......
From your feet, follow the energy further down, into the earth, and then down into the center of the earth. ...... Anchor the energy at the center. You may find it helpful to envision tying a knot in the center of the earth with a cord that flows downward with the energy. ......
Once again, open at the top to allow vibrant energy to flow into the energy field and flow downward. ......
Now, shift your attention to the bottom of your energy field and change the direction of the flow of energy. By opening at the soles of your feet and the base of your spine, you welcome up the earth�s vibration. ...... Rich, thick, beautiful energy from Mother Earth flows upward. ...... It flows up to support you, ...... to bring the essence of the ground up to you, ...... to help you know, without a doubt, that you are in the right place at the right time. ......
Align now with your life mission and higher purpose. ...... Also align with your intention for the idea that you wish to manifest. ...... Take all the time you need to identify the mission, purpose, and intention. ...... Relax. ......
Now, name an idea that you want to manifest. ...... Notice if it is solid enough to be brought into manifestation. ...... Make it more solid and dense, if needed, by drawing more Mother Earth energy into it. ...... As soon as you have named this idea, relax into the energy that flows from the top down. ...... Relax and open. ......
Focus your attention at the top of your head. ...... Envision (your idea) at the top of your head. ...... Slowly, allow (your idea) to move downward, down through the layers and levels, down to the feet, and down into the center of the earth. ...... Notice any resistance or heaviness or discomfort. ...... Ask (your idea) if it wants to manifest in your life. Listen to the answer. ......
Rather than trying to force (your idea) to manifest, observe if (your idea) flows into the earth, easily and effortlessly. You will not benefit by trying to manipulate (your idea); instead, be in the flow. Notice and appreciate. ......
Notice if you remain grounded in this process. Notice if (your idea) is grounded, joyous, ready. If not, let it go! If so, let it go! If it wants to change, let it change.
When both you and (your idea) are joyous, (your idea) manifests in your life!
Purpose of this Meditation
The purpose of this guided meditation is to help you to ground an idea. That is, to help an idea of your choosing to manifest. In my view, it is easy to have an idea, even a brilliant idea; it is not so easy to manifest it if our contradictory thoughts get in the way.
Instructions
Find a comfortable place, sitting or lying down, where you can be fully relaxed and open to the ideas and energy of this guided meditation. After settling down and before reading, take three long, deep breaths to calm and empty yourself.
Reading this Meditation
This guided meditation is designed for you to read aloud to yourself or to someone else. For yourself, you may find that creating an audio tape recording is particularly effective. Speed reading this meditation will not accelerate spiritual progress! In fact, speaking slowly in a monotone is beneficial when guiding this meditation, even though such an approach is generally frowned upon in public speaking.
The designation "......" indicates a pause, during which you may choose to be quiet or close your eyes and experience whatever comes to you. The ...... may look awkward as you glance at the page. However, when you are reading the meditation, it serves as a reminder to slow down generally and pause at that place.
During the meditation, you will be instructed to identify an idea you want to manifest, which will then be referred to as (your idea). In place of (your idea), read or think the idea you have identified or read "your idea" if you are reading this to someone else.
The Meditation: Brief Grounding of an Idea
Breathe in your essence. Your essence is who you are. Your essence is pure and clear. ...... Receive it. ...... Let it flow downward through your body, through the various layers and levels of who you are. ......
Let energy flow from the spiritual layer downward through the mental layer, into the emotional layer and then into the physical layer. This is the direction for manifestation. Experience energy as it flows from the top down. ......
Anchor the energy by moving it down through the body, through these layers and levels, down to the feet. ...... Linger at the feet so this magnificent energy from above becomes so familiar to the feet that you know easily when to step forward, move back, or stand still. ...... Let your feet continue to vibrate so they place you exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there. ......
From your feet, follow the energy further down, into the earth, and then down into the center of the earth. ...... Anchor the energy at the center. You may find it helpful to envision tying a knot in the center of the earth with a cord that flows downward with the energy. ......
Once again, open at the top to allow vibrant energy to flow into the energy field and flow downward. ......
Now, shift your attention to the bottom of your energy field and change the direction of the flow of energy. By opening at the soles of your feet and the base of your spine, you welcome up the earth�s vibration. ...... Rich, thick, beautiful energy from Mother Earth flows upward. ...... It flows up to support you, ...... to bring the essence of the ground up to you, ...... to help you know, without a doubt, that you are in the right place at the right time. ......
Align now with your life mission and higher purpose. ...... Also align with your intention for the idea that you wish to manifest. ...... Take all the time you need to identify the mission, purpose, and intention. ...... Relax. ......
Now, name an idea that you want to manifest. ...... Notice if it is solid enough to be brought into manifestation. ...... Make it more solid and dense, if needed, by drawing more Mother Earth energy into it. ...... As soon as you have named this idea, relax into the energy that flows from the top down. ...... Relax and open. ......
Focus your attention at the top of your head. ...... Envision (your idea) at the top of your head. ...... Slowly, allow (your idea) to move downward, down through the layers and levels, down to the feet, and down into the center of the earth. ...... Notice any resistance or heaviness or discomfort. ...... Ask (your idea) if it wants to manifest in your life. Listen to the answer. ......
Rather than trying to force (your idea) to manifest, observe if (your idea) flows into the earth, easily and effortlessly. You will not benefit by trying to manipulate (your idea); instead, be in the flow. Notice and appreciate. ......
Notice if you remain grounded in this process. Notice if (your idea) is grounded, joyous, ready. If not, let it go! If so, let it go! If it wants to change, let it change.
When both you and (your idea) are joyous, (your idea) manifests in your life!
Sabtu, 22 Mei 2010
Being a Continuous Learner
When people ask me what business I’m in, I often say, “I’m in the learning business.” It sounds intriguing, and it is certainly true. But, truth be told, we are all in the learning business.
Why?
Because as humans, we are learning machines. We are most alive and functioning closest to our potential when we are learning, adapting, adjusting, and finding new ways, approaches and techniques to improve our lives (or the lives of others) in some way.
I believe in the above statements. They are as true as any other statement I could write here. But rather than talking about the philosophy of humankind, let me get much more pragmatic.
Change and Learning
Change is all around us. Some say the rate of change is increasing, but whether that is true or not, this is definitely a fact in our business lives. Products change, Customers change, process and policies change. We are put on a new team, we are entering new markets, and we have set new goals. In all parts of our daily professional lives change surrounds us.
In order for us to cope with that change, we need to be willing and able to change. And learning is a key component in developing that ability.
So when I talk about continuous learning or life long learning, I’m not suggesting everyone needs to take a course at their local college, or go back to school for a new degree. Continuous learning is an attitude and a set of behaviors that allow us to succeed in our ever-changing environment, and is the best lever we have to turn who we are today into who we want to be tomorrow. Change requires learning and conversely, there is no learning without change.
So if life long learning doesn’t necessarily mean the “professional college student” and doesn’t require us to be the person who was always asking questions in every class we ever attended, what are the behaviors that make up a true continuous or life long learner?
I’m glad you asked.
The Behaviors
There are some common threads among those who actively are learning and growing as professionals (and humans). Life-long, continuous learners:
· Have a beginner’s mindset. If you approach anything with the mindset of an expert, you will learn nothing. With the expert’s mind, you are looking for confirmation and validation of what you already know. A beginner on the other hand, looks constantly for one new tidbit, one or more ways to expand on their current expertise. In other words, expert or not, they don’t think that way, because they know that only with a open, beginners mind, can they benefit from the learning opportunity.
· Make connections. Peter Drucker, the famous and influential management thinker wrote, “To make knowledge productive we will have to learn to see both forest and tree. We will have to learn to connect.” Continuous learners do that. They continue to think about what they have learned in one part of their life and how it relates to and connects with challenges, problems, opportunities and situations that occur in other parts of their life.
· Are flexible and adaptable. Learning requires change, so continuous learners realize that they must be willing to adapt and change if they want to grow.
· Are always learning something. Continuous learners learn new things “just because.” They’ve always wanted to play guitar, so they take lessons. They want to ride a unicycle, so they try it. They learn how to quilt. They learn a new language. These people don’t invest the time required just so they can play “Love Me Tender” or say “good morning” in Chinese. They also do it because they realize that our brains are like muscles. The more we exercise them the stronger they will be.
· Are continuously curious. One of the most powerful learning questions we use is “Why?” Why is the question of the curious. Continuous learners remain curious about people, places, important and mundane things as well. By cultivating their curiosity they are adding to their knowledge and perspective, while exercising an important part of our learning brain at the same time.
· Learn in multiple ways. In school we learned in a relatively limited number of ways, which unfortunately leaves some people with a limited view of learning. Continuous learns know that they can learn by reading, by listening, by trying, through others, with a mentor, etc. (etc.!)
· Teach others. Something magical happens when you teach someone something – you suddenly understand it better yourself. Continuous learners teach others not just to help the other person (or to show them how much they know) but because they know it helps them deepen their mastery of their own learning.
How to Use This List
Now that you have read this far I hope you are convinced of how valuable it can be to be a more active learner. You have also read a list of characteristics. Now that you have read that list of characteristics, I’d like you to read it again. As you read it ask yourself these questions:
· How well do I stack up against these behaviors?
· Which ones would I like to get better at?
· Who do I know that is exceptionally good at each of these characteristics?
· How can I learn these traits and habits from those I know who are better at them than I?
Your answers to these four questions (and the action that you take) will put you on the road to being a more continuous and life-long learner.
Enjoy your journey.
Why?
Because as humans, we are learning machines. We are most alive and functioning closest to our potential when we are learning, adapting, adjusting, and finding new ways, approaches and techniques to improve our lives (or the lives of others) in some way.
I believe in the above statements. They are as true as any other statement I could write here. But rather than talking about the philosophy of humankind, let me get much more pragmatic.
Change and Learning
Change is all around us. Some say the rate of change is increasing, but whether that is true or not, this is definitely a fact in our business lives. Products change, Customers change, process and policies change. We are put on a new team, we are entering new markets, and we have set new goals. In all parts of our daily professional lives change surrounds us.
In order for us to cope with that change, we need to be willing and able to change. And learning is a key component in developing that ability.
So when I talk about continuous learning or life long learning, I’m not suggesting everyone needs to take a course at their local college, or go back to school for a new degree. Continuous learning is an attitude and a set of behaviors that allow us to succeed in our ever-changing environment, and is the best lever we have to turn who we are today into who we want to be tomorrow. Change requires learning and conversely, there is no learning without change.
So if life long learning doesn’t necessarily mean the “professional college student” and doesn’t require us to be the person who was always asking questions in every class we ever attended, what are the behaviors that make up a true continuous or life long learner?
I’m glad you asked.
The Behaviors
There are some common threads among those who actively are learning and growing as professionals (and humans). Life-long, continuous learners:
· Have a beginner’s mindset. If you approach anything with the mindset of an expert, you will learn nothing. With the expert’s mind, you are looking for confirmation and validation of what you already know. A beginner on the other hand, looks constantly for one new tidbit, one or more ways to expand on their current expertise. In other words, expert or not, they don’t think that way, because they know that only with a open, beginners mind, can they benefit from the learning opportunity.
· Make connections. Peter Drucker, the famous and influential management thinker wrote, “To make knowledge productive we will have to learn to see both forest and tree. We will have to learn to connect.” Continuous learners do that. They continue to think about what they have learned in one part of their life and how it relates to and connects with challenges, problems, opportunities and situations that occur in other parts of their life.
· Are flexible and adaptable. Learning requires change, so continuous learners realize that they must be willing to adapt and change if they want to grow.
· Are always learning something. Continuous learners learn new things “just because.” They’ve always wanted to play guitar, so they take lessons. They want to ride a unicycle, so they try it. They learn how to quilt. They learn a new language. These people don’t invest the time required just so they can play “Love Me Tender” or say “good morning” in Chinese. They also do it because they realize that our brains are like muscles. The more we exercise them the stronger they will be.
· Are continuously curious. One of the most powerful learning questions we use is “Why?” Why is the question of the curious. Continuous learners remain curious about people, places, important and mundane things as well. By cultivating their curiosity they are adding to their knowledge and perspective, while exercising an important part of our learning brain at the same time.
· Learn in multiple ways. In school we learned in a relatively limited number of ways, which unfortunately leaves some people with a limited view of learning. Continuous learns know that they can learn by reading, by listening, by trying, through others, with a mentor, etc. (etc.!)
· Teach others. Something magical happens when you teach someone something – you suddenly understand it better yourself. Continuous learners teach others not just to help the other person (or to show them how much they know) but because they know it helps them deepen their mastery of their own learning.
How to Use This List
Now that you have read this far I hope you are convinced of how valuable it can be to be a more active learner. You have also read a list of characteristics. Now that you have read that list of characteristics, I’d like you to read it again. As you read it ask yourself these questions:
· How well do I stack up against these behaviors?
· Which ones would I like to get better at?
· Who do I know that is exceptionally good at each of these characteristics?
· How can I learn these traits and habits from those I know who are better at them than I?
Your answers to these four questions (and the action that you take) will put you on the road to being a more continuous and life-long learner.
Enjoy your journey.
Jumat, 21 Mei 2010
Beginnings and Endings Create Life that is New and Fresh
Copyright 2006 Marshall House
It seems that when I honor the ending, the beginning is more joyous. I admit, I do not always remember to honor the ending. Sometimes I just want the ending to end or the beginning to begin.
As infants, we end our time in the womb to begin our human experience. The other day, I met a less-than-one-week-old (or is that new?) baby, filled with health and wonder, beginning a new life. He was clearly ready to begin this life, keeping his Mom in labor for only thirty minutes.
I have had many beginnings/endings in my life. Probably not more than most people. Some changes have been elegant, some clumsy. Some have been so quick that I did not realize the transformation until it was essentially complete, while some have seemed so slow that I wondered if this is what is meant by eternity. Not all beginnings and endings have been sweet or desired. But each has led to more joy.
Courage and Trust
Many of the planned beginnings/endings have been pure acts of courage: to get married, to start a business, to go to graduate school, to leave a long-term marriage, to relocate my business (twice!), to move across country, to end non-satisfying relationships, and on and on. Even those changes that have not been planned have required courage to carry through.
Of course, everyone knows that the origin for the word "courage" is "heart." I feel that connection between courage and heart, however, as a matter of practicality for me, I associate courage more with the guts than with the heart. I consider that my inner promptings (which are usually heart-based) guide me to where I need to be, but to act in the midst of doubt takes guts.
Sometimes pure tenacity propels me. I have often recognized that I would not have moved to California, for example, if I had known what a grueling experience those first few years would be. I trusted the process of my inner guidance and bloomed where I was planted. Courage and trust are my keys to joy and transformation.
Creative Resistance
I have not met every life change with happy, welcoming arms. Going with kicks and screams into something new may seem like a poor attitude, but such dynamics may be precisely what I needed to propel me into the new.
In my days of training managers and others in New York State Government, I learned more about dealing with resistance than in any other setting. I learned to welcome the expression of resistance, but did not feel so adept at dealing with unexpressed (passive) resistance.
In the early years of my business, I offered experiential training programs, primarily for trainers and managers. A former police officer showed up the first day of a 3-day event, loudly displaying his skepticism. His energy was intense, a bit unnerving for some of the participants. But I welcomed his energy, hoping that he would find the inspiration to leave with the same level of intensity, with his skepticism transformed to enthusiasm.
His verbal reflection at the end of the workshop began with "where have you been all my life?" He quickly covered his embarrassment at his positive emotional expression with the explanation, "I have been waiting to have an experience in learning like this all my life. I hated school. I guess I have hated a lot in my life. Now I know that I don’t have to resist everything, I can be myself without proving something." We taught each other something that neither had experienced before. We came together for a purpose which neither of us had advance warning about, but followed the nudges to show up and co-create an experience.
Showing up for Something New
I know the value of showing up, even if sometimes I do not show up. I know that sometimes I show up physically, but am not present emotionally or mentally or spiritually. In a crowd I can easily conceal this, but in my work I cannot and do not. My clear view and deep understanding of my life purpose empowers me to show up.
Sometimes I activate a transformation simply because I crave something new. I may not even know what I want the new thing to be. I just know that I want something that is different or in a different form or a different color or a different rhythm. Perhaps the new thing will not even seem new from the outside, but it is different.
In my view, the joy of life is about showing up, making it up, experiencing each moment as new and fresh.
It seems that when I honor the ending, the beginning is more joyous. I admit, I do not always remember to honor the ending. Sometimes I just want the ending to end or the beginning to begin.
As infants, we end our time in the womb to begin our human experience. The other day, I met a less-than-one-week-old (or is that new?) baby, filled with health and wonder, beginning a new life. He was clearly ready to begin this life, keeping his Mom in labor for only thirty minutes.
I have had many beginnings/endings in my life. Probably not more than most people. Some changes have been elegant, some clumsy. Some have been so quick that I did not realize the transformation until it was essentially complete, while some have seemed so slow that I wondered if this is what is meant by eternity. Not all beginnings and endings have been sweet or desired. But each has led to more joy.
Courage and Trust
Many of the planned beginnings/endings have been pure acts of courage: to get married, to start a business, to go to graduate school, to leave a long-term marriage, to relocate my business (twice!), to move across country, to end non-satisfying relationships, and on and on. Even those changes that have not been planned have required courage to carry through.
Of course, everyone knows that the origin for the word "courage" is "heart." I feel that connection between courage and heart, however, as a matter of practicality for me, I associate courage more with the guts than with the heart. I consider that my inner promptings (which are usually heart-based) guide me to where I need to be, but to act in the midst of doubt takes guts.
Sometimes pure tenacity propels me. I have often recognized that I would not have moved to California, for example, if I had known what a grueling experience those first few years would be. I trusted the process of my inner guidance and bloomed where I was planted. Courage and trust are my keys to joy and transformation.
Creative Resistance
I have not met every life change with happy, welcoming arms. Going with kicks and screams into something new may seem like a poor attitude, but such dynamics may be precisely what I needed to propel me into the new.
In my days of training managers and others in New York State Government, I learned more about dealing with resistance than in any other setting. I learned to welcome the expression of resistance, but did not feel so adept at dealing with unexpressed (passive) resistance.
In the early years of my business, I offered experiential training programs, primarily for trainers and managers. A former police officer showed up the first day of a 3-day event, loudly displaying his skepticism. His energy was intense, a bit unnerving for some of the participants. But I welcomed his energy, hoping that he would find the inspiration to leave with the same level of intensity, with his skepticism transformed to enthusiasm.
His verbal reflection at the end of the workshop began with "where have you been all my life?" He quickly covered his embarrassment at his positive emotional expression with the explanation, "I have been waiting to have an experience in learning like this all my life. I hated school. I guess I have hated a lot in my life. Now I know that I don’t have to resist everything, I can be myself without proving something." We taught each other something that neither had experienced before. We came together for a purpose which neither of us had advance warning about, but followed the nudges to show up and co-create an experience.
Showing up for Something New
I know the value of showing up, even if sometimes I do not show up. I know that sometimes I show up physically, but am not present emotionally or mentally or spiritually. In a crowd I can easily conceal this, but in my work I cannot and do not. My clear view and deep understanding of my life purpose empowers me to show up.
Sometimes I activate a transformation simply because I crave something new. I may not even know what I want the new thing to be. I just know that I want something that is different or in a different form or a different color or a different rhythm. Perhaps the new thing will not even seem new from the outside, but it is different.
In my view, the joy of life is about showing up, making it up, experiencing each moment as new and fresh.
Kamis, 20 Mei 2010
Becoming A Student Of Life
One of the habits that has served me well throughout my life is keeping the mind-set of a student. I've always had an insatiable curiosity about a wide variety of topics, and I'm usually reading several books during the same time period. I've read about some really fascinating things, like quantum physics, and some really cheesy things, like romance novels. Truth be told, I've enjoyed them all!
It occurred to me the other day that it doesn't matter what I'm learning about, as long as I'm consistently learning. I'm like a sponge that gets dry and shriveled if I don't absorb something on a regular basis. My life then becomes boring and stagnant, and I feel sluggish and uninspired.
If this describes your life right now, you can turn it around pretty easily. Adopt the attitude of a student, and watch how it infuses you with joy, excitement, and motivation.
Being a student of life isn't just about reading books and learning as much as you can on various subjects. That can certainly be part of it, but it's more about the way you see the world around you and the way you handle your daily experiences.
Here are five tips to help you become a student of life:
1) Develop Awareness. - Most of us spend our days rushing blindly from one activity to another without ever noticing our surroundings. If we can instead slow down a little bit and just look around us, we'd SEE so much more in life. Take time to notice that beautiful sunset on the drive home. Step outside during the day and feel the sunshine on your face, and indulge in some deep, cleansing breaths. Become aware of your own spiritual self, and your connection to all living things. Give yourself the gift of just being, noticing, and breathing.
2) Keep an Open Mind. - Rather than assuming you know all about something already, approach each situation with an attitude of curiosity. Question everything. Explore new ideas, thoughts, and subjects you've always wanted to learn about. This goes for the people around you too. Don't assume you know what they're all about based on their appearance or some preconceived notion. Ask questions, get to know them better. Be willing to release any judgments you may have, and instead seek truth.
3) Keep an Open Heart. - Express deep gratitude for your life, and all of the experiences you have - even the not so pleasant ones. Be willing to be vulnerable in your connections with others, and allow yourself to feel. Too often we are afraid of our emotions and try to numb them or run away from them. Instead, let your emotions be your teachers. Listen to them, and honor them. They will teach you a lot about yourself.
4) Look for the Lesson. - In every experience, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" Sometimes the lesson is obvious, and sometimes you'll have to search for it. With every lesson, allow it to become a part of you and make you a better, stronger, happier person. Though we all make mistakes and stumble, the goal is to make new mistakes, rather than repeating the same ones over and over again. As long as we are making progress, we're doing great! Use your own awareness to overcome challenges and keep moving forward.
5) Enjoy the Journey. - Most of us take life so seriously! Yes, it does have its serious moments. But overall this is supposed to be a pleasant experience, and we can make it that way by simply choosing to. Don't worry so much about whether you're making as much progress as you should, and don't get frustrated when things don't always work out as planned. Instead take a lighter attitude and understand that it's all just a journey and the point is to relax and enjoy.
Imagine that you're a beautiful white sponge, and you come across these brilliant pools of colored liquid. There's a red pool of passion, a pink pool of love, a yellow pool of knowledge, a green pool of gratitude, and a purple pool of fun. Go ahead and dip your sponge toe into each of these pools, and your color will begin to change. Rather than being a plain white sponge, you are now a beautiful, multi-colored sponge, filled with passion, love, knowledge, gratitude, and fun.
Unfortunately, there are also a few pools of black, brackish stuff like negative self-talk, fear, regrets, etc. If you accidentally absorb some of this and it begins to taint your colors, don't worry about it too much. Just focus on revisiting the pretty, colorful pools and absorbing more good stuff. It will dilute the negative stuff, and eventually get rid of it all together. :-)
It occurred to me the other day that it doesn't matter what I'm learning about, as long as I'm consistently learning. I'm like a sponge that gets dry and shriveled if I don't absorb something on a regular basis. My life then becomes boring and stagnant, and I feel sluggish and uninspired.
If this describes your life right now, you can turn it around pretty easily. Adopt the attitude of a student, and watch how it infuses you with joy, excitement, and motivation.
Being a student of life isn't just about reading books and learning as much as you can on various subjects. That can certainly be part of it, but it's more about the way you see the world around you and the way you handle your daily experiences.
Here are five tips to help you become a student of life:
1) Develop Awareness. - Most of us spend our days rushing blindly from one activity to another without ever noticing our surroundings. If we can instead slow down a little bit and just look around us, we'd SEE so much more in life. Take time to notice that beautiful sunset on the drive home. Step outside during the day and feel the sunshine on your face, and indulge in some deep, cleansing breaths. Become aware of your own spiritual self, and your connection to all living things. Give yourself the gift of just being, noticing, and breathing.
2) Keep an Open Mind. - Rather than assuming you know all about something already, approach each situation with an attitude of curiosity. Question everything. Explore new ideas, thoughts, and subjects you've always wanted to learn about. This goes for the people around you too. Don't assume you know what they're all about based on their appearance or some preconceived notion. Ask questions, get to know them better. Be willing to release any judgments you may have, and instead seek truth.
3) Keep an Open Heart. - Express deep gratitude for your life, and all of the experiences you have - even the not so pleasant ones. Be willing to be vulnerable in your connections with others, and allow yourself to feel. Too often we are afraid of our emotions and try to numb them or run away from them. Instead, let your emotions be your teachers. Listen to them, and honor them. They will teach you a lot about yourself.
4) Look for the Lesson. - In every experience, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" Sometimes the lesson is obvious, and sometimes you'll have to search for it. With every lesson, allow it to become a part of you and make you a better, stronger, happier person. Though we all make mistakes and stumble, the goal is to make new mistakes, rather than repeating the same ones over and over again. As long as we are making progress, we're doing great! Use your own awareness to overcome challenges and keep moving forward.
5) Enjoy the Journey. - Most of us take life so seriously! Yes, it does have its serious moments. But overall this is supposed to be a pleasant experience, and we can make it that way by simply choosing to. Don't worry so much about whether you're making as much progress as you should, and don't get frustrated when things don't always work out as planned. Instead take a lighter attitude and understand that it's all just a journey and the point is to relax and enjoy.
Imagine that you're a beautiful white sponge, and you come across these brilliant pools of colored liquid. There's a red pool of passion, a pink pool of love, a yellow pool of knowledge, a green pool of gratitude, and a purple pool of fun. Go ahead and dip your sponge toe into each of these pools, and your color will begin to change. Rather than being a plain white sponge, you are now a beautiful, multi-colored sponge, filled with passion, love, knowledge, gratitude, and fun.
Unfortunately, there are also a few pools of black, brackish stuff like negative self-talk, fear, regrets, etc. If you accidentally absorb some of this and it begins to taint your colors, don't worry about it too much. Just focus on revisiting the pretty, colorful pools and absorbing more good stuff. It will dilute the negative stuff, and eventually get rid of it all together. :-)
Rabu, 19 Mei 2010
Become The Star, Director, And Writer Of Your Future.
One of the secrets of success is to not work so hard with your physical body; instead, use your mind to work out the details of how to be the person you want to be. Are you motivated to spend 10 minutes a day envisioning the future you want to create for yourself?
By deliberately mentally rehearsing the experience of success in your mind, you can turn aspirations into realities. See yourself free from the old negative habits that have wasted your time, energy, and money. Forget willpower for now and imagine yourself with positive behaviors. See yourself handling any challenging situation that normally triggers your old habits and see yourself using new strategies and doing it with
ease.
Success experts say your imagination is your own personal workshop of the mind. This is particularly true when you want to program yourself towards new habits of success.
Visualize Yourself as the Person You Want to Be with Mental Rehearsal.
Mental rehearsal is the most powerful way to tap into your creative process and overcome old behavior patterns. Mental rehearsal can be used in all areas of your life, from seeing yourself as a non smoker, seeing yourself as the weight and size you want to be, and even seeing yourself as calm during challenging times.
Mental rehearsal is a tool that can help you reduce the effects of stressful situations. Now you will be more resourceful, reducing the possibility of reverting to your old habits. All areas in your life can benefit from imagery. It doesn’t matter what level your goals are on: physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.
Use visualization to improve your abilities. Because the body follows the mind, if you start seeing yourself in a different light, then your body will follow suit — maybe by not craving the things that hurt you, or by motivating you to exercise more. It’s up to you to experiment. Who knows what miracles you can create in your life by using this
powerful tool?
Counselors and therapists who recommend using mental rehearsal say it is the true key to tap your potential. Their research reveals that all of our skills are learned through the image-making process, whether it’s driving a car, reading a book, or changing a habit.
You use your mind to picture the activity before you actually perform it. Think of it like this: Your mind works like a movie projector, screening an endless reel of memories and scenes of situations both real and imagined. You have the power to direct your movie projector (your mind) to reach your desired goals. Once you imagine something new for yourself, you begin to be flooded with ideas about how to realize that image. All of this will come about when you have allowed yourself to break through your own worst limitation, what you believe are your capabilities.
By deliberately mentally rehearsing the experience of success in your mind, you can turn aspirations into realities. See yourself free from the old negative habits that have wasted your time, energy, and money. Forget willpower for now and imagine yourself with positive behaviors. See yourself handling any challenging situation that normally triggers your old habits and see yourself using new strategies and doing it with
ease.
Success experts say your imagination is your own personal workshop of the mind. This is particularly true when you want to program yourself towards new habits of success.
Visualize Yourself as the Person You Want to Be with Mental Rehearsal.
Mental rehearsal is the most powerful way to tap into your creative process and overcome old behavior patterns. Mental rehearsal can be used in all areas of your life, from seeing yourself as a non smoker, seeing yourself as the weight and size you want to be, and even seeing yourself as calm during challenging times.
Mental rehearsal is a tool that can help you reduce the effects of stressful situations. Now you will be more resourceful, reducing the possibility of reverting to your old habits. All areas in your life can benefit from imagery. It doesn’t matter what level your goals are on: physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.
Use visualization to improve your abilities. Because the body follows the mind, if you start seeing yourself in a different light, then your body will follow suit — maybe by not craving the things that hurt you, or by motivating you to exercise more. It’s up to you to experiment. Who knows what miracles you can create in your life by using this
powerful tool?
Counselors and therapists who recommend using mental rehearsal say it is the true key to tap your potential. Their research reveals that all of our skills are learned through the image-making process, whether it’s driving a car, reading a book, or changing a habit.
You use your mind to picture the activity before you actually perform it. Think of it like this: Your mind works like a movie projector, screening an endless reel of memories and scenes of situations both real and imagined. You have the power to direct your movie projector (your mind) to reach your desired goals. Once you imagine something new for yourself, you begin to be flooded with ideas about how to realize that image. All of this will come about when you have allowed yourself to break through your own worst limitation, what you believe are your capabilities.
Selasa, 18 Mei 2010
Become Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
The physical pain I experienced during the writing of my first newsletter, or when I first designed and wrote copy for my website, and anything else that was and is a ‘first time event’ for me, is very real and very uncomfortable.
The upside of this is once the new is mastered, the physical pain miraculously disappeared.
For me it’s a comfort zone thing.
I really know I’m alive when I’m outside my comfort zone.
The comfort zone is an amazing place of security, comfort, safety, and protection. Stepping out this zone can be scary and lonely, and involves stretching and growing; this is the bit where physical pain comes into it.
When I was little I remember my mother telling me I was suffering from growing pains because my legs ached, or my knees ached, as a matter of fact anything that ached was due to growing pains. Expanding the comfort zone for me is much the same.
The best thing of course is the end result! This will be when mastery has finally been reached and with it increased inner strength and confidence.
This doesn’t just apply to the ‘big stuff’. This applies across the board no matter how big or small.
Below I’ve listed 5 easy things to help with becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. Starting with the most important:
1. Start by noticing what you notice. Each time you do something different notice what your reaction to it is and where this reaction manifests within your body.
2. Keep a journal or diary of feelings and reactions as you continue to grow through stepping out of your comfort zone.
Write three pages in your journal or diary each morning about your ever expanding comfort zone. Write for at least one month then reflect on your pages, starting from page one, noticing any patterns, useful or not.
Use a different coloured pen for things that worked for you in becoming more masterful.
Again using a different coloured pen make note of what definitely did not work.
3. Ask yourself the following questions in regards to growing and stretching:
“What needs to happen now to make it less painful for me?”
“What are the benefits for me in mastering this new thing (relationship, job, task etc)?”
“What am I learning from this experience?”
“What am I not learning from this experience?”
4. Turn negative self-talk into positive speak. The more often positive self talk is practised the more comfortable it will become, until it’s fully integrated and natural.
5. Know that it takes time to become comfortable with something new and different. Unfortunately there is no instant fix or ‘cure’ (I would’ve found it by now!). The quicker the mastery levels raise the quicker the return of a comfort zone.
Some suggestions to help deal with the uncomfortable may be to take up a meditation program, Breath Work, some transformational coaching for inner peace, or investigate a flower essence practitioner near you.
The outcome of this effort will be living how you want to live, and knowing that you’ve achieved this through your own efforts.
A great friend of mine once said to me “Become comfortable with the uncomfortable”. During my uncomfortable moments, I remember that phrase. I know that once mastered, I’ll become comfortable once again…well until the next time I decide to learn something new.
Michaela Scherr Transformational Coach
The upside of this is once the new is mastered, the physical pain miraculously disappeared.
For me it’s a comfort zone thing.
I really know I’m alive when I’m outside my comfort zone.
The comfort zone is an amazing place of security, comfort, safety, and protection. Stepping out this zone can be scary and lonely, and involves stretching and growing; this is the bit where physical pain comes into it.
When I was little I remember my mother telling me I was suffering from growing pains because my legs ached, or my knees ached, as a matter of fact anything that ached was due to growing pains. Expanding the comfort zone for me is much the same.
The best thing of course is the end result! This will be when mastery has finally been reached and with it increased inner strength and confidence.
This doesn’t just apply to the ‘big stuff’. This applies across the board no matter how big or small.
Below I’ve listed 5 easy things to help with becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. Starting with the most important:
1. Start by noticing what you notice. Each time you do something different notice what your reaction to it is and where this reaction manifests within your body.
2. Keep a journal or diary of feelings and reactions as you continue to grow through stepping out of your comfort zone.
Write three pages in your journal or diary each morning about your ever expanding comfort zone. Write for at least one month then reflect on your pages, starting from page one, noticing any patterns, useful or not.
Use a different coloured pen for things that worked for you in becoming more masterful.
Again using a different coloured pen make note of what definitely did not work.
3. Ask yourself the following questions in regards to growing and stretching:
“What needs to happen now to make it less painful for me?”
“What are the benefits for me in mastering this new thing (relationship, job, task etc)?”
“What am I learning from this experience?”
“What am I not learning from this experience?”
4. Turn negative self-talk into positive speak. The more often positive self talk is practised the more comfortable it will become, until it’s fully integrated and natural.
5. Know that it takes time to become comfortable with something new and different. Unfortunately there is no instant fix or ‘cure’ (I would’ve found it by now!). The quicker the mastery levels raise the quicker the return of a comfort zone.
Some suggestions to help deal with the uncomfortable may be to take up a meditation program, Breath Work, some transformational coaching for inner peace, or investigate a flower essence practitioner near you.
The outcome of this effort will be living how you want to live, and knowing that you’ve achieved this through your own efforts.
A great friend of mine once said to me “Become comfortable with the uncomfortable”. During my uncomfortable moments, I remember that phrase. I know that once mastered, I’ll become comfortable once again…well until the next time I decide to learn something new.
Michaela Scherr Transformational Coach
Senin, 17 Mei 2010
Beat Your Examiners with Exam Techniques
------------------------------------------
Are exam techniques better than knowledge?
------------------------------------------
Half a century ago I learned about exam techniques. At that time I was snowed under with study, and my headmaster said that I had as much chance as the Man in the Moon of passing three Ordinary level GCE subjects.
He was right at that time! It didn't matter how much study I did, term exam questions were always about stuff I hadn't studied.
Then I learned that you perform best in an exam if you know more about exams rather than about the subject of the exam.
I liked that.
---------------------
Using Exam Techniques
---------------------
So I studied exam techniques. What were the results? I passed eleven GCE ordinary level subjects.
When artistic talent was handed out, my brother got it all, and there was none left for me. I panic every time I am asked to do a stick-drawing.
However in the GCE exam, my brother set out to do good art, and I used exam techniques to get good marks. To my great glee I got a better pass mark than my brother did. I was sure that proved that exams are unfair, but remained very smug.
---------------
Multiple Choice
---------------
My wife had a multiple-choice paper on a subject about which I knew nothing. I tried the exam techniques in my book. My wife assured me that I would have passed - without knowing anything about it.
Then came a time that I studied maths again, and I was hopelessly at sea. I learned maths where the best methods were those that worked - fast. New maths had been introduced since I was at college. Now the explanations were just nonsense to me. However when the exam came around, it was another multiple choice test, and I passed!
---------------------
We've learned nothing
---------------------
My daughter's final exams were coming. I searched libraries for the most modern examination techniques, and received a great shock. All the books still advised lots of hard work. There was no mention of exam techniques at all.
They mentioned mnemonic techniques to help me remember, but I'd been using them since the middle of last century and knew how they could let me down.
The day before a university exam I decided that I would probably get a question about the life cycle of Fasciola hepatica. So I used a mnemonic technique to memorise every number in the complicated life cycle.
Next day the expected question appeared, and I remembered every number - BUT - I had forgotten the units. It was no use remembering the number 3 if I didn't know if it was three hours, or three days, or three weeks, or three months, or three years. So I couldn't answer the question. Fortunately examination techniques got me through the exam.
---------------------
Birth of Exam Mastery
---------------------
I wrote a book about how to pass exams to help my daughter. Unfortunately she thought that she knew everything... and didn't bother to read the book... and failed her exams. Recently I updated the book to take the internet into account.
-------------------------
The arithmetic of success
-------------------------
Suppose you're taking an essay exam with five questions. You know you can give good answers for three questions, but think that you know nothing about the rest. I've seen students walk out of essay exams in that situation - they hadn't studied exam technique.
Your teacher has brainwashed you by punishing anybody who wrote a three line essay for homework. But two essays of three lines each could take you from failure to a pass mark. My book shows what to put into these few lines, but think of the arithmetic.
You got 45 marks out of 60 for your three good questions. The pass mark is 47%. You get one mark out of 20 for each of the remaining two answers. You have a pass mark. That is better than walking out of the exam in a panic - isn't it?
In fact I usually got about 75% by using exam techniques. Oh, they aren't magic. I failed an occasional exam, but I passed many exams that I didn't deserve to pass, especially using crafty essays.
Are exam techniques better than knowledge?
------------------------------------------
Half a century ago I learned about exam techniques. At that time I was snowed under with study, and my headmaster said that I had as much chance as the Man in the Moon of passing three Ordinary level GCE subjects.
He was right at that time! It didn't matter how much study I did, term exam questions were always about stuff I hadn't studied.
Then I learned that you perform best in an exam if you know more about exams rather than about the subject of the exam.
I liked that.
---------------------
Using Exam Techniques
---------------------
So I studied exam techniques. What were the results? I passed eleven GCE ordinary level subjects.
When artistic talent was handed out, my brother got it all, and there was none left for me. I panic every time I am asked to do a stick-drawing.
However in the GCE exam, my brother set out to do good art, and I used exam techniques to get good marks. To my great glee I got a better pass mark than my brother did. I was sure that proved that exams are unfair, but remained very smug.
---------------
Multiple Choice
---------------
My wife had a multiple-choice paper on a subject about which I knew nothing. I tried the exam techniques in my book. My wife assured me that I would have passed - without knowing anything about it.
Then came a time that I studied maths again, and I was hopelessly at sea. I learned maths where the best methods were those that worked - fast. New maths had been introduced since I was at college. Now the explanations were just nonsense to me. However when the exam came around, it was another multiple choice test, and I passed!
---------------------
We've learned nothing
---------------------
My daughter's final exams were coming. I searched libraries for the most modern examination techniques, and received a great shock. All the books still advised lots of hard work. There was no mention of exam techniques at all.
They mentioned mnemonic techniques to help me remember, but I'd been using them since the middle of last century and knew how they could let me down.
The day before a university exam I decided that I would probably get a question about the life cycle of Fasciola hepatica. So I used a mnemonic technique to memorise every number in the complicated life cycle.
Next day the expected question appeared, and I remembered every number - BUT - I had forgotten the units. It was no use remembering the number 3 if I didn't know if it was three hours, or three days, or three weeks, or three months, or three years. So I couldn't answer the question. Fortunately examination techniques got me through the exam.
---------------------
Birth of Exam Mastery
---------------------
I wrote a book about how to pass exams to help my daughter. Unfortunately she thought that she knew everything... and didn't bother to read the book... and failed her exams. Recently I updated the book to take the internet into account.
-------------------------
The arithmetic of success
-------------------------
Suppose you're taking an essay exam with five questions. You know you can give good answers for three questions, but think that you know nothing about the rest. I've seen students walk out of essay exams in that situation - they hadn't studied exam technique.
Your teacher has brainwashed you by punishing anybody who wrote a three line essay for homework. But two essays of three lines each could take you from failure to a pass mark. My book shows what to put into these few lines, but think of the arithmetic.
You got 45 marks out of 60 for your three good questions. The pass mark is 47%. You get one mark out of 20 for each of the remaining two answers. You have a pass mark. That is better than walking out of the exam in a panic - isn't it?
In fact I usually got about 75% by using exam techniques. Oh, they aren't magic. I failed an occasional exam, but I passed many exams that I didn't deserve to pass, especially using crafty essays.
Minggu, 16 Mei 2010
Be the Chooser
Copyright 2006 David Steele
"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Khalil Gibran
Our life works and can be full of joy when we make effective choices. Our life can be full of sorrow if we make ineffective choices. Chooser vs. Victim
As a child, choices were made for me and I had little power over what happened to me. This is normal for children, but when we take this attitude as adults I call it being a "victim."
The opposite of being a victim is to be "The Chooser."
The concept of choice is remarkable, and that we have choices I consider to be a fact. Though in my life, I've forgotten this fact many times when I was impulsive or reactive. I find it challenging to take responsibility for my failures and pain as being the result of my own choices. I want to blame my boss, my ex-wife, the other driver, my parents; and for awhile I did.
I've had many wake-up calls that acting out of ignorance or impulse doesn't absolve me of responsibility for making a bad choice.
When I was sixteen, a new driver, and got a ticket for making a U-turn across a double-yellow line I told the cop honestly that I didn't know it was against the law, and felt it grossly unfair that he ticketed me anyway.
I fought the ticket in traffic court and lost. My only defense was "I didn't know! I didn't mean to break the law!" The judge told me ignorance was not an excuse for breaking the law. That was one of my first wake-up calls that as an adult, I would be held accountable for my choices even if they were unconscious. Scary thought.
We live in a victim culture. It's usually the other guy's fault that we go to war, get into a car accident, lose our money in stocks, get a divorce. While victim-hood might make us feel better and in the right, it also makes us helpless and perpetuates our problems.
The Law of Attraction
What do you want? A fulfilling life and relationship? A loving family? Success in your work? Peace in the world? I've learned that to get what you want you must BE THE CHOOSER.
Being the chooser means taking the initiative to create what you want, taking full responsibility for your outcomes, and making your choices mindful of their long-term consequences.
There is a law of the universe as powerful as the law of gravity that helps choosers and brings suffering on victims. It's called the "Law of Attraction." Just like "what goes up must come down;" "what is inside shows up on the outside," "energy follows attention," and "what you believe you can achieve."
If you believe you don't have a choice, you won't.
If you shove responsibility for your choices and outcomes outside of yourself, the law of attraction will try to teach you to take responsibility by repeating the lesson over and over until you get it.
This is the origin of crime, war, and most other sources of human suffering.
I want to be happy and fulfilled. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I've learned that happiness comes from within, by taking responsibility as an adult for my choices and outcomes. I've learned that I need to be "The Chooser" in my life and my heartfelt desire is that I can inspire you to be The Chooser as well.
Be The Chooser
We have the knowledge and technology to create a wonderful life for ourselves and society for our children. Most of our social problems, such as crime, war, poverty, violence, disease, divorce, homelessness, and more, is the result of ineffective choices. Unfortunately, these social problems will continue as long as people believe they don't have a choice about them.
Choosers know what they want and how to get it. In charge of their lives, Choosers take responsibility for what happens. Being a Chooser takes a certain amount of confidence and effort, but anyone can be one! Being The Chooser means taking initiative for your outcomes: you are in charge of creating what you want in life. You do not restrict yourself to what or who chooses you.
Very often, we are not aware of the range of choices available to us. We are often unaware of our power to choose, and of the true power of our choices. We might make choices unconsciously, reactively or impulsively. We might be unaware of the long-term consequences of our choices.
A.I.M. To Be The Chooser
Step 1: Be AWARE that you have choices
You are never stuck! You always have choices, even if you don't know what your choices are. Don't allow impulse or lack of information to result in a poor choice.
Step 2: IDENTIFY your choices
Always assume there are more choices than you are aware of. Seek to identify a variety of the choices available to you, mindful that “you don't know what you don't know.” Identify productive choices and don't settle for unproductive choices.
Step 3: MAKE productive choices
Use all the information available to you to make the best choice possible to achieve the outcome you desire. Evaluate a choice based upon the likely long-term consequences of that choice.
If you want to be the Chooser, here are some things you have control over and can DO (remember- CRAPGAP):
* BE CREATIVE: Seek new ideas and opportunities beyond the immediate past and present
* BE A RISK TAKER: Accept rejection and failure as part of life, and don't take it personally
* BE ASSERTIVE: Ask for what you want, and say "no" to what you don't want
* BE PROACTIVE: Don't merely react to events, or habitually wait for things to happen
* BE GOAL-ORIENTED: Clearly define and vigorously pursue your goals
* ASSUME ABUNDANCE: Believe there will always be plenty of opportunities and resources
* BE POSITIVE: Always anticipate success
“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously.
If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life.
You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.” -- Senator Robert F. Bennett (R-Utah)
"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Khalil Gibran
Our life works and can be full of joy when we make effective choices. Our life can be full of sorrow if we make ineffective choices. Chooser vs. Victim
As a child, choices were made for me and I had little power over what happened to me. This is normal for children, but when we take this attitude as adults I call it being a "victim."
The opposite of being a victim is to be "The Chooser."
The concept of choice is remarkable, and that we have choices I consider to be a fact. Though in my life, I've forgotten this fact many times when I was impulsive or reactive. I find it challenging to take responsibility for my failures and pain as being the result of my own choices. I want to blame my boss, my ex-wife, the other driver, my parents; and for awhile I did.
I've had many wake-up calls that acting out of ignorance or impulse doesn't absolve me of responsibility for making a bad choice.
When I was sixteen, a new driver, and got a ticket for making a U-turn across a double-yellow line I told the cop honestly that I didn't know it was against the law, and felt it grossly unfair that he ticketed me anyway.
I fought the ticket in traffic court and lost. My only defense was "I didn't know! I didn't mean to break the law!" The judge told me ignorance was not an excuse for breaking the law. That was one of my first wake-up calls that as an adult, I would be held accountable for my choices even if they were unconscious. Scary thought.
We live in a victim culture. It's usually the other guy's fault that we go to war, get into a car accident, lose our money in stocks, get a divorce. While victim-hood might make us feel better and in the right, it also makes us helpless and perpetuates our problems.
The Law of Attraction
What do you want? A fulfilling life and relationship? A loving family? Success in your work? Peace in the world? I've learned that to get what you want you must BE THE CHOOSER.
Being the chooser means taking the initiative to create what you want, taking full responsibility for your outcomes, and making your choices mindful of their long-term consequences.
There is a law of the universe as powerful as the law of gravity that helps choosers and brings suffering on victims. It's called the "Law of Attraction." Just like "what goes up must come down;" "what is inside shows up on the outside," "energy follows attention," and "what you believe you can achieve."
If you believe you don't have a choice, you won't.
If you shove responsibility for your choices and outcomes outside of yourself, the law of attraction will try to teach you to take responsibility by repeating the lesson over and over until you get it.
This is the origin of crime, war, and most other sources of human suffering.
I want to be happy and fulfilled. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I've learned that happiness comes from within, by taking responsibility as an adult for my choices and outcomes. I've learned that I need to be "The Chooser" in my life and my heartfelt desire is that I can inspire you to be The Chooser as well.
Be The Chooser
We have the knowledge and technology to create a wonderful life for ourselves and society for our children. Most of our social problems, such as crime, war, poverty, violence, disease, divorce, homelessness, and more, is the result of ineffective choices. Unfortunately, these social problems will continue as long as people believe they don't have a choice about them.
Choosers know what they want and how to get it. In charge of their lives, Choosers take responsibility for what happens. Being a Chooser takes a certain amount of confidence and effort, but anyone can be one! Being The Chooser means taking initiative for your outcomes: you are in charge of creating what you want in life. You do not restrict yourself to what or who chooses you.
Very often, we are not aware of the range of choices available to us. We are often unaware of our power to choose, and of the true power of our choices. We might make choices unconsciously, reactively or impulsively. We might be unaware of the long-term consequences of our choices.
A.I.M. To Be The Chooser
Step 1: Be AWARE that you have choices
You are never stuck! You always have choices, even if you don't know what your choices are. Don't allow impulse or lack of information to result in a poor choice.
Step 2: IDENTIFY your choices
Always assume there are more choices than you are aware of. Seek to identify a variety of the choices available to you, mindful that “you don't know what you don't know.” Identify productive choices and don't settle for unproductive choices.
Step 3: MAKE productive choices
Use all the information available to you to make the best choice possible to achieve the outcome you desire. Evaluate a choice based upon the likely long-term consequences of that choice.
If you want to be the Chooser, here are some things you have control over and can DO (remember- CRAPGAP):
* BE CREATIVE: Seek new ideas and opportunities beyond the immediate past and present
* BE A RISK TAKER: Accept rejection and failure as part of life, and don't take it personally
* BE ASSERTIVE: Ask for what you want, and say "no" to what you don't want
* BE PROACTIVE: Don't merely react to events, or habitually wait for things to happen
* BE GOAL-ORIENTED: Clearly define and vigorously pursue your goals
* ASSUME ABUNDANCE: Believe there will always be plenty of opportunities and resources
* BE POSITIVE: Always anticipate success
“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously.
If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life.
You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.” -- Senator Robert F. Bennett (R-Utah)
Sabtu, 15 Mei 2010
Arguing
Arguing - what's it good for? Arguments are rarely "won." When you think you won an argument, what did you win? The "loser" at least learned something, right? But what did you get? Debating practice, ego satisfaction, and diminished brain power.
<b>Arguing Diminishes Brain Power?</b>
At times things need to be debated, but most of the time, it just isn't productive. You may want to argue the point, but what do you get from a useless debate, and more importantly, what do you lose? I say you lose effective brain power.
There is at least one thing we can probably agree on. That is that a person listening to arguments can learn something from both sides. Now what about the participants? When your opponent makes a really good point, do you say, "Hey, you're right!" and learn something, or do you more often just look for a better argument?
You see, arguing too much gets you in the habit of looking for arguments more than for truth. You get deeper into a rut the more you defend a position, because any hint of opposing evidence is pushed away as a threat to your "victory" or correctness. Ii being in a rut and ignoring the truth doesn't sound like it's good for brain power, it's because it isn't.
<b>Brain Power From Listening</b>
Say the moon is closer, and if I say the sun is, one of us has to be right. On the other hand, if you say nurture is more important, and I say nature is, we're both sort of right. That's because the first argument has clearly defined terms. This isn't common in most arguments (and what's the point of arguing with someone who thinks the sun is closer?).
The second argument has to do with values, experiences, and poorly defined terms. We've seen different things in life, and we could spend a lifetime arguing the definition of "important." Alternately, I could shut up and listen. In this case my mind becomes more powerful with the addition of your ideas and knowledge. Listening is the better way.
How do you break the habit of arguing? Start by purposely asking for people's opinions, and listen without saying anything. Ask them to clarify, but don't offer one contrary idea. If you do this enough, you'll be surprised at how much you learn. You may also be surprised by how difficult this simple technique can be, but it works. Tell me I'm wrong, and I may just listen to what you say without arguing.
<b>Arguing Diminishes Brain Power?</b>
At times things need to be debated, but most of the time, it just isn't productive. You may want to argue the point, but what do you get from a useless debate, and more importantly, what do you lose? I say you lose effective brain power.
There is at least one thing we can probably agree on. That is that a person listening to arguments can learn something from both sides. Now what about the participants? When your opponent makes a really good point, do you say, "Hey, you're right!" and learn something, or do you more often just look for a better argument?
You see, arguing too much gets you in the habit of looking for arguments more than for truth. You get deeper into a rut the more you defend a position, because any hint of opposing evidence is pushed away as a threat to your "victory" or correctness. Ii being in a rut and ignoring the truth doesn't sound like it's good for brain power, it's because it isn't.
<b>Brain Power From Listening</b>
Say the moon is closer, and if I say the sun is, one of us has to be right. On the other hand, if you say nurture is more important, and I say nature is, we're both sort of right. That's because the first argument has clearly defined terms. This isn't common in most arguments (and what's the point of arguing with someone who thinks the sun is closer?).
The second argument has to do with values, experiences, and poorly defined terms. We've seen different things in life, and we could spend a lifetime arguing the definition of "important." Alternately, I could shut up and listen. In this case my mind becomes more powerful with the addition of your ideas and knowledge. Listening is the better way.
How do you break the habit of arguing? Start by purposely asking for people's opinions, and listen without saying anything. Ask them to clarify, but don't offer one contrary idea. If you do this enough, you'll be surprised at how much you learn. You may also be surprised by how difficult this simple technique can be, but it works. Tell me I'm wrong, and I may just listen to what you say without arguing.
Jumat, 14 Mei 2010
Are You Your Own Worst Enemy Or Your Own Best Friend?
Are you the kind of person who is your own worst enemy? Do you live your life with doubt, always trying to live up to the standards others set for you? Life can be filled with disappointments if we live each day seeking the approval of others.
Remember that you are who you are because of you, not because of another’s perception of you. At the end of your life the only important question will be: "Did you live your life as you saw fit?"
In all honesty, I can be my own worse enemy. I let people get the better of me.
When you let someone get the best of you than you are really letting them win. In life we are faced with the joy of living life or the pain and disappointment of not living life to its fullest.
I have always gotten by the strength and courage that I learned from my mother. One thing that she taught me was that life is a battle and sometimes you have to fight or you will die having never tried.
I am in charge of my destiny, and it is up to me and only me to live my life. I know what’s important to me. I set goals for myself and I meet those goals. I know my friends, and I know my family, and most importantly, I know myself. I know who Rose DesRochers is.
Ask yourself, what is important to you? Do you know who you are? Are you happy with yourself as you are?
Never lose sight of who you are, and what you stand for. If someone wants to dismiss you because you don't meet up to their standards, that is their problem. Maybe they set their standards a little too high.
Don’t allow yourself to be your own worst enemy. Sometimes it’s just a matter of putting yourself first. If you can love someone else, why can you not love yourself? You are worthy of being loved.
Be true to yourself and your values. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself even when it feels uncomfortable. Accept yourself as you are. Never let anyone dictate to you who you should be. A poor self-image will only make you feel worthless. Believe in yourself, because the one person you can trust and rely on is you.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Can you see in yourself who you really are, or do you see yourself as others want you to be?
Building self confidence means learning to love yourself. Learn to believe in yourself. Learn to accept the things that cannot be changed. Learn to accept that you’re not perfect, nobody is. Learn to accept that you cannot change someone’s opinion of you. Quit wasting time dwelling on what is negative in your life and concentrate on what is positive. Stand up and be counted, because at the end of the day when you look in the mirror, you should see your best friend.
Remember that you are who you are because of you, not because of another’s perception of you. At the end of your life the only important question will be: "Did you live your life as you saw fit?"
In all honesty, I can be my own worse enemy. I let people get the better of me.
When you let someone get the best of you than you are really letting them win. In life we are faced with the joy of living life or the pain and disappointment of not living life to its fullest.
I have always gotten by the strength and courage that I learned from my mother. One thing that she taught me was that life is a battle and sometimes you have to fight or you will die having never tried.
I am in charge of my destiny, and it is up to me and only me to live my life. I know what’s important to me. I set goals for myself and I meet those goals. I know my friends, and I know my family, and most importantly, I know myself. I know who Rose DesRochers is.
Ask yourself, what is important to you? Do you know who you are? Are you happy with yourself as you are?
Never lose sight of who you are, and what you stand for. If someone wants to dismiss you because you don't meet up to their standards, that is their problem. Maybe they set their standards a little too high.
Don’t allow yourself to be your own worst enemy. Sometimes it’s just a matter of putting yourself first. If you can love someone else, why can you not love yourself? You are worthy of being loved.
Be true to yourself and your values. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself even when it feels uncomfortable. Accept yourself as you are. Never let anyone dictate to you who you should be. A poor self-image will only make you feel worthless. Believe in yourself, because the one person you can trust and rely on is you.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Can you see in yourself who you really are, or do you see yourself as others want you to be?
Building self confidence means learning to love yourself. Learn to believe in yourself. Learn to accept the things that cannot be changed. Learn to accept that you’re not perfect, nobody is. Learn to accept that you cannot change someone’s opinion of you. Quit wasting time dwelling on what is negative in your life and concentrate on what is positive. Stand up and be counted, because at the end of the day when you look in the mirror, you should see your best friend.
Kamis, 13 Mei 2010
Are You Trapped By Old Beliefs?
If you have ever wondered what kinds of beliefs you have stored away in your unconscious that silently influence your choices, take a good look at your life, including your friends, your loved ones, your job, and even your health.
The life you currently live is a reflection of your beliefs about what you are willing to accept and tolerate. This is the vital difference that separates people who live abundant happy lives from those who don’t.
For instance, people who continue to stay in abusive relationships, work at jobs they don’t enjoy, or struggle financially, do so as a result of the beliefs they hold.
Yet there are individuals in society who will never ever accept being unjustly treated, living just above the poverty line, or working in professions that do not make full use of their gifts.
These individuals are those who stand out in the crowd: the entrepreneurs, pioneers, and leaders who refuse to allow the opinions of others to dictate how they live their lives.
They do this not because they are better or more gifted than everyone else, but simply because their beliefs do not allow them to do otherwise.
It is important to remember that we all play an active role in the creation of our belief systems, even if this occurs when we are vulnerable to the influence of others.
Once these beliefs are impressed on our unconscious mind, they become the rulebook that controls the direction of our lives.
All your successes and failures, then, are in some way influenced by this unconscious set of rules you have written. Whatever it is you wish to achieve, whether it be a skill you’re attempting to master, a subject you wish to learn or an illness you are struggling to overcome, your success will be determined by a single factor: the unconscious beliefs that make up your book of rules.
Much of the struggle you experience in life relates to the inner turmoil you feel when you make a new choice that conflicts with the set of rules you have created about life and simply forgotten.
To end this struggle and become the master of your own destiny, you must therefore master the unconscious beliefs that control you.
The life you currently live is a reflection of your beliefs about what you are willing to accept and tolerate. This is the vital difference that separates people who live abundant happy lives from those who don’t.
For instance, people who continue to stay in abusive relationships, work at jobs they don’t enjoy, or struggle financially, do so as a result of the beliefs they hold.
Yet there are individuals in society who will never ever accept being unjustly treated, living just above the poverty line, or working in professions that do not make full use of their gifts.
These individuals are those who stand out in the crowd: the entrepreneurs, pioneers, and leaders who refuse to allow the opinions of others to dictate how they live their lives.
They do this not because they are better or more gifted than everyone else, but simply because their beliefs do not allow them to do otherwise.
It is important to remember that we all play an active role in the creation of our belief systems, even if this occurs when we are vulnerable to the influence of others.
Once these beliefs are impressed on our unconscious mind, they become the rulebook that controls the direction of our lives.
All your successes and failures, then, are in some way influenced by this unconscious set of rules you have written. Whatever it is you wish to achieve, whether it be a skill you’re attempting to master, a subject you wish to learn or an illness you are struggling to overcome, your success will be determined by a single factor: the unconscious beliefs that make up your book of rules.
Much of the struggle you experience in life relates to the inner turmoil you feel when you make a new choice that conflicts with the set of rules you have created about life and simply forgotten.
To end this struggle and become the master of your own destiny, you must therefore master the unconscious beliefs that control you.
Rabu, 12 Mei 2010
Breaking Through the Barriers
You've tried everything, you've listen to the experts, in frustration you shout out, "Why can't I seem to figure this out?" This can be stated for many areas in life, whether you are working on health, finances, business, improved communication skills or relationships. Quite often when we start out on the path to change one or more areas of our lives, we hit stumbling blocks and set backs.
We've made promises to ourselves that this time it will be different, this time you'll keep your promise to yourself or your new years resolution. You start thinking, willpower, yes, I just need more will power. Then you start to feel the strain as you try to force your way through.
Sadly, if it was just willpower that was needed then many more people would be successful. Willpower is more like an elastic band, the more you force and stretch it, the tighter it gets, the harder it is to hold until it eventually snaps back or breaks.
Most causes of failure and relapse have more to do with habits and belief systems, many of which you are not even consciously aware of. You see science has shown that we have 6 areas of the brain, 5 of which are in your subconscious. So if your conscious brain wants to change and the rest of you doesn't due to a outdatedbelief, 5/6th's is much stronger than 1/6th.
This is why, so many of the experts tell you that to succeed you need to work on getting rid of your barriers, your self-sabotage due to outdated beliefs and habits.
There are different ways that are recommended.
We've made promises to ourselves that this time it will be different, this time you'll keep your promise to yourself or your new years resolution. You start thinking, willpower, yes, I just need more will power. Then you start to feel the strain as you try to force your way through.
Sadly, if it was just willpower that was needed then many more people would be successful. Willpower is more like an elastic band, the more you force and stretch it, the tighter it gets, the harder it is to hold until it eventually snaps back or breaks.
Most causes of failure and relapse have more to do with habits and belief systems, many of which you are not even consciously aware of. You see science has shown that we have 6 areas of the brain, 5 of which are in your subconscious. So if your conscious brain wants to change and the rest of you doesn't due to a outdatedbelief, 5/6th's is much stronger than 1/6th.
This is why, so many of the experts tell you that to succeed you need to work on getting rid of your barriers, your self-sabotage due to outdated beliefs and habits.
There are different ways that are recommended.
- A few of them are:
- Counseling
- Therapy
- Emotional Freedom Techniques
- Positive Thinking
- Flip Switching
- Controlling your automatic negative thinking
- Repetition of desires
- Daily Focus on Goals
- Belief Analysis
- Coaches (in the areas that you are working on)
- Subliminal Messages
- Educating yourself - (In the areas you are working on, to give new information)
- Binary Beats
Selasa, 11 Mei 2010
Brain Function and Exercise
Better brain function with exercise? The evidence is clear. Not only can you get long-term benefits for your brain from exercise, but you can boost you brain power in the next ten minutes. Exercise can help your brain work more efficiently and actually make you smarter.
The thinking ability of subjects was tested in one study. After these tests, the subjects ran on a treadmill for thirty minutes. When their hearts returned to normal resting levels they took the follow-up tests. During all tests the subjects were connected to an EEG (elctroencephalogram), in order to track their brainwaves.
Researchers found that exercising had increased the speed their decision-making. It was considered a significant difference (beyond normal statistical variation). They also found that the subjects answered more accurately after the exercise than before.
Participants were between 18 and 24 years old, but researchers think the findings will hold true for other age groups as well.
One study showed that just ten minutes of moderate exercise each day can improve mood and reduce fatigue. Brain function specifically wasn't tested, but it seems likely that less fatigue means better brain power.
Best Exercise For Brain Function?
The research has focused more on the duration of exercise more than on the specific type. Aerobic exercise seems to be the common element in the studies that have shown improvements in brain function, however. It's likely that running, bicycling, swimming, dancing and any other aerobic exercise will have the same effect.
Notice that ten minutes of exercise is apparently enough to have effects on the brain. Also, while most scientists probably expected to find better brain function from long-term exercise programs, the study using treadmills showed an immediate effect. In other words, get up and run around, and you can be smarter ten minutes from now.
Some people find that walking is a great way to boost brain power. There are the aerobic benefits now being proven by recent studies, but there seems to be something more. It may be due to it's rythmic and relaxing nature that many people report their clearest and most creative thinking when walking.
We already knew that exercise was good for sleeping better, a healthier immune system, weight control, and a lower risk of heart disease, cancer and diabetes. Now you can add brain power to that list. Why not take a walk today for better brain function?
The thinking ability of subjects was tested in one study. After these tests, the subjects ran on a treadmill for thirty minutes. When their hearts returned to normal resting levels they took the follow-up tests. During all tests the subjects were connected to an EEG (elctroencephalogram), in order to track their brainwaves.
Researchers found that exercising had increased the speed their decision-making. It was considered a significant difference (beyond normal statistical variation). They also found that the subjects answered more accurately after the exercise than before.
Participants were between 18 and 24 years old, but researchers think the findings will hold true for other age groups as well.
One study showed that just ten minutes of moderate exercise each day can improve mood and reduce fatigue. Brain function specifically wasn't tested, but it seems likely that less fatigue means better brain power.
Best Exercise For Brain Function?
The research has focused more on the duration of exercise more than on the specific type. Aerobic exercise seems to be the common element in the studies that have shown improvements in brain function, however. It's likely that running, bicycling, swimming, dancing and any other aerobic exercise will have the same effect.
Notice that ten minutes of exercise is apparently enough to have effects on the brain. Also, while most scientists probably expected to find better brain function from long-term exercise programs, the study using treadmills showed an immediate effect. In other words, get up and run around, and you can be smarter ten minutes from now.
Some people find that walking is a great way to boost brain power. There are the aerobic benefits now being proven by recent studies, but there seems to be something more. It may be due to it's rythmic and relaxing nature that many people report their clearest and most creative thinking when walking.
We already knew that exercise was good for sleeping better, a healthier immune system, weight control, and a lower risk of heart disease, cancer and diabetes. Now you can add brain power to that list. Why not take a walk today for better brain function?
Senin, 10 Mei 2010
Brain Exercises
Some brain exercises can be as simple as an intelligent conversation or reading something new. Others can be more involved, like doing crossword puzzles or solving lateral thinking puzzles. Here are some general brain exercises you can do anywhere, followed by a few ideas for exercising specific areas of brain function.
Some Simple Brain Exercises
An entertaining brain exercise is to invent things in your mind. You can use many techniques for doing this. It can be as simple as looking at things and asking "How could this be better?" Consider a clock, for example, and you might wonder if it would be better if you didn't have to look at it. Maybe a clock that periodically announced the time and even reminded you of appointments might be useful.
Other brain exercises involve puzzle solving. These can range from crossword puzzles to difficult lateral thinking puzzles, but a simpler, fun version of the latter, is the basic riddle. For example, "Why wasn't Bertha put in jail after killing dozens of people?" Because she was a hurricane. Whether riddles are easy or difficult, they get your mind thinking in new directions, and this is good for getting your mind out of it's "ruts.".
Inventing jokes is one of the more difficult brain exercises, especially if you haven't done it before. Just take a topic or a word at random, and find a way to make a joke with it. The word "Justice," for example, could become "What's the one place in the world you can find justice?" In the dictionary! If you draw a blank after five or ten minutes, move on to the next word or topic.
Brain Exercises For Specific Areas
You may want to work on a particular area of your brainpower. Some of us have trouble with visual imagination, for example. To be architects, we would want to improve that. This can be done by concentrating on scenes in one's mind. Imagine walking through your home, for example, and repeat the process until you can easily "see" everything in each room.
For better concentration, practice identifying "mind" irritations. Anything that's going on just below the surface is sapping your ability to concentrate. Become aware of these things, and you can put them on a list or otherwise dismiss them. More formal meditation practices can help with this, but simple mindfulness exercises may be enough to let your natural powers of concentration function.
Simple brain exercises to strengthen your memory can be the repetitive use of any memory techniques. For example, mentally placing a list of items to be remembered at predetermined locations in your house, and seeing them there in an unusual way (think cucumbers dancing in the microwave), is one such technique. Just imagining where you'll see a person next, and calling to them by name in your imagination is a good way to remember names.
get a little wild to develop your creativity. See things and imagine something absurd, like flying lights. For more than just an exercise in imagination, though, you have to create some sense of the image. For this example, I'm thinking there might be a market for little lights on helium balloons. With a more or less neutral buoyancy for the balloons, a party could be full of colorful, floating, moving lights.
Recent research makes it clear that exercising your brain makes it work better. A more active brain has even been shown to postpone or reduce the incidence of age-related decline of mental function. So why not start today with some simple brain exercises?
Some Simple Brain Exercises
An entertaining brain exercise is to invent things in your mind. You can use many techniques for doing this. It can be as simple as looking at things and asking "How could this be better?" Consider a clock, for example, and you might wonder if it would be better if you didn't have to look at it. Maybe a clock that periodically announced the time and even reminded you of appointments might be useful.
Other brain exercises involve puzzle solving. These can range from crossword puzzles to difficult lateral thinking puzzles, but a simpler, fun version of the latter, is the basic riddle. For example, "Why wasn't Bertha put in jail after killing dozens of people?" Because she was a hurricane. Whether riddles are easy or difficult, they get your mind thinking in new directions, and this is good for getting your mind out of it's "ruts.".
Inventing jokes is one of the more difficult brain exercises, especially if you haven't done it before. Just take a topic or a word at random, and find a way to make a joke with it. The word "Justice," for example, could become "What's the one place in the world you can find justice?" In the dictionary! If you draw a blank after five or ten minutes, move on to the next word or topic.
Brain Exercises For Specific Areas
You may want to work on a particular area of your brainpower. Some of us have trouble with visual imagination, for example. To be architects, we would want to improve that. This can be done by concentrating on scenes in one's mind. Imagine walking through your home, for example, and repeat the process until you can easily "see" everything in each room.
For better concentration, practice identifying "mind" irritations. Anything that's going on just below the surface is sapping your ability to concentrate. Become aware of these things, and you can put them on a list or otherwise dismiss them. More formal meditation practices can help with this, but simple mindfulness exercises may be enough to let your natural powers of concentration function.
Simple brain exercises to strengthen your memory can be the repetitive use of any memory techniques. For example, mentally placing a list of items to be remembered at predetermined locations in your house, and seeing them there in an unusual way (think cucumbers dancing in the microwave), is one such technique. Just imagining where you'll see a person next, and calling to them by name in your imagination is a good way to remember names.
get a little wild to develop your creativity. See things and imagine something absurd, like flying lights. For more than just an exercise in imagination, though, you have to create some sense of the image. For this example, I'm thinking there might be a market for little lights on helium balloons. With a more or less neutral buoyancy for the balloons, a party could be full of colorful, floating, moving lights.
Recent research makes it clear that exercising your brain makes it work better. A more active brain has even been shown to postpone or reduce the incidence of age-related decline of mental function. So why not start today with some simple brain exercises?
Minggu, 09 Mei 2010
Boosting Self Confidence and Self Esteem for a Better You
Without any cause for a debate or argument, everybody would agree that with a little bit more self confidence and self esteem a person can elevate his self worth. He or she can become a better person with more belief in his or her self. You can see the world in a whole new perspective and your self confidence is a big factor in this change.
The benefits of having a bolstered self confidence and self esteem are boundless, but lacking it can imprison you in a lacklustre life. People would just be stepping on you and you will be completely ignored, languishing in a cellar of despair. You may never realize the full extent of your potential.
Building your Self Confidence and Self Esteem
The true key to gaining self confidence and self esteem is to truly love and believe yourself. For some people this could be very hard, especially if they grew up in an environment with out a shred of unconditional love and support. This kind of people doesn't know how it is to give love. You cannot give what you do not have.
Another key is determining which areas you are adept in. Focusing and developing the areas you are in strong in will let you fully believe in your skills. The more you see an aspect in your life that you are good in, you can finally appreciate yourself and be proud.
As you build your self confidence and self esteem, a great way to develop it is to test and challenge yourself slowly and gradually. The more challenges you conquer the better you will feel about yourself.
No need to wait, you can start building your self confidence and esteem right now, a whole world waits for those who believes and loves themselves.
The benefits of having a bolstered self confidence and self esteem are boundless, but lacking it can imprison you in a lacklustre life. People would just be stepping on you and you will be completely ignored, languishing in a cellar of despair. You may never realize the full extent of your potential.
Building your Self Confidence and Self Esteem
The true key to gaining self confidence and self esteem is to truly love and believe yourself. For some people this could be very hard, especially if they grew up in an environment with out a shred of unconditional love and support. This kind of people doesn't know how it is to give love. You cannot give what you do not have.
Another key is determining which areas you are adept in. Focusing and developing the areas you are in strong in will let you fully believe in your skills. The more you see an aspect in your life that you are good in, you can finally appreciate yourself and be proud.
As you build your self confidence and self esteem, a great way to develop it is to test and challenge yourself slowly and gradually. The more challenges you conquer the better you will feel about yourself.
No need to wait, you can start building your self confidence and esteem right now, a whole world waits for those who believes and loves themselves.
Sabtu, 08 Mei 2010
Boost Your Self-Confidence with These 5 Tips (and create the life you really want!)
Copyright 2006 Cari Vollmer
Imagine this day: You wake up in the morning, feeling well-rested and at peace because you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you need to do to live the life you most want. You have a clear vision of what you want your life to look and feel like and a sound strategy that will get you there. In fact, not only does the future look promising; TODAY feels great. You are proud of yourself. You feel confident in your ability to create and live the life you most want, today and well into the future.
How you feel about yourself plays an important role in your ability to live your best life. With a healthy self-confidence (aka, self-image, self-esteem, self-respect) you’ll take more chances and overcome obstacles -- faster. You’ll set your SELF in motion which will set the world around you in motion. You’ll get what you want and each time you do your confidence will soar and the belief you have in yourself will grow stronger. You’ll see life through the eyes of a person who not only BELIEVES they can do it – you WILL do it!
How do you BOOST your self-confidence? Here are 5 easy-to-try-out tips.
1. Speak well of yourself. In the Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz writes, “Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word you manifest everything. … your intent manifests through your word. Depending on how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know.”
We become what we think about most of the time. We become what we say about ourselves. If you continually tell yourself you “can’t do something”, or that you “don’t have what it takes”, you’re sure to create that reality for yourself, because that is how you see yourself. On the other hand, if you repeatedly say and think to yourself something like, “I am capable of creating a life I love”, soon you will begin creating a life you love.
Speak well of yourself and you’ll begin believing you do have what it takes to create and live the life you most want.
2. Surround yourself with self-confident people and positive environments. Sounds a bit obvious, but if you have friends that lack confidence, you probably do too. That’s because your environment, what and who you surround yourself with, plays a big role in how you see and treat yourself.
Negative environments are hard to break free from but break free is what you must do. If you’re surrounded by people who criticize others (and you) and speak poorly of themselves – get out! Remove yourself from their company. In fact, no company is better than toxic company. Seek out friends who are confident and you’ll feel your confidence increasing.
3. Take action on what you say you’re going to take action on or don’t say it! Don’t say you’re going to do something unless you really intend to do it. We’ve all experienced the “big talker” – the person who talks about their big plans but never does anything to make them happen. The “big talker” loses face because no one believes they’ll do what they say they’re going to do.
Don't lose face with yourself. ONLY talk about things you intend to take action on or don’t talk about them. Walk your talk. Keep your promises. Be impeccable with your words and you’ll become a person of integrity. Integrity breeds confidence.
4. Accept fear and obstacles as a natural part of life – and growth. Don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself gripped by fear and other emotions. Don’t judge yourself for having these feelings. And don’t feel like you’re inadequate or don’t have what it takes. From time to time, everyone feels afraid, confused and out of sorts. Be aware when these feelings are present but don’t let them stop you. Keep moving forward by telling yourself you’re much more than the obstacles you face and failures you experience.
5. Take time out to focus on all that you have done well. Once a month, take a few moments to write down all that you have done well – it’s probably more than you think. Acknowledge the work you do, your strengths and accomplishments on a regular basis. In doing so, you’ll begin seeing yourself as a person who does things right and gets things done. You’ll begin seeing and appreciating all the good you do.
Practice just one of these tips and you’ll start feeling better about yourself. Practice more than one on a consistent basis and your life will change - guaranteed!
You deserve to live a life you feel great about. Don’t settle for less because you lack the confidence to go after what you want. BOOST your confidence and you’ll wake up each morning feeling like anything’s possible!
“To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything…” JOAN DIDION
Imagine this day: You wake up in the morning, feeling well-rested and at peace because you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you need to do to live the life you most want. You have a clear vision of what you want your life to look and feel like and a sound strategy that will get you there. In fact, not only does the future look promising; TODAY feels great. You are proud of yourself. You feel confident in your ability to create and live the life you most want, today and well into the future.
How you feel about yourself plays an important role in your ability to live your best life. With a healthy self-confidence (aka, self-image, self-esteem, self-respect) you’ll take more chances and overcome obstacles -- faster. You’ll set your SELF in motion which will set the world around you in motion. You’ll get what you want and each time you do your confidence will soar and the belief you have in yourself will grow stronger. You’ll see life through the eyes of a person who not only BELIEVES they can do it – you WILL do it!
How do you BOOST your self-confidence? Here are 5 easy-to-try-out tips.
1. Speak well of yourself. In the Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz writes, “Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word you manifest everything. … your intent manifests through your word. Depending on how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know.”
We become what we think about most of the time. We become what we say about ourselves. If you continually tell yourself you “can’t do something”, or that you “don’t have what it takes”, you’re sure to create that reality for yourself, because that is how you see yourself. On the other hand, if you repeatedly say and think to yourself something like, “I am capable of creating a life I love”, soon you will begin creating a life you love.
Speak well of yourself and you’ll begin believing you do have what it takes to create and live the life you most want.
2. Surround yourself with self-confident people and positive environments. Sounds a bit obvious, but if you have friends that lack confidence, you probably do too. That’s because your environment, what and who you surround yourself with, plays a big role in how you see and treat yourself.
Negative environments are hard to break free from but break free is what you must do. If you’re surrounded by people who criticize others (and you) and speak poorly of themselves – get out! Remove yourself from their company. In fact, no company is better than toxic company. Seek out friends who are confident and you’ll feel your confidence increasing.
3. Take action on what you say you’re going to take action on or don’t say it! Don’t say you’re going to do something unless you really intend to do it. We’ve all experienced the “big talker” – the person who talks about their big plans but never does anything to make them happen. The “big talker” loses face because no one believes they’ll do what they say they’re going to do.
Don't lose face with yourself. ONLY talk about things you intend to take action on or don’t talk about them. Walk your talk. Keep your promises. Be impeccable with your words and you’ll become a person of integrity. Integrity breeds confidence.
4. Accept fear and obstacles as a natural part of life – and growth. Don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself gripped by fear and other emotions. Don’t judge yourself for having these feelings. And don’t feel like you’re inadequate or don’t have what it takes. From time to time, everyone feels afraid, confused and out of sorts. Be aware when these feelings are present but don’t let them stop you. Keep moving forward by telling yourself you’re much more than the obstacles you face and failures you experience.
5. Take time out to focus on all that you have done well. Once a month, take a few moments to write down all that you have done well – it’s probably more than you think. Acknowledge the work you do, your strengths and accomplishments on a regular basis. In doing so, you’ll begin seeing yourself as a person who does things right and gets things done. You’ll begin seeing and appreciating all the good you do.
Practice just one of these tips and you’ll start feeling better about yourself. Practice more than one on a consistent basis and your life will change - guaranteed!
You deserve to live a life you feel great about. Don’t settle for less because you lack the confidence to go after what you want. BOOST your confidence and you’ll wake up each morning feeling like anything’s possible!
“To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything…” JOAN DIDION
Jumat, 07 Mei 2010
Bons Plans pour Mariage Express
Encore jeune et pas fortuné, pourquoi se privez de ce que la vie vus offre de plus précieux pour fonder une famille? Le mariage.
Alors qu'un mariage sur le vieux continent s'évalue entre 10 000 et 15 000 euros, las Vegas vous offre des prestations pour dix fois moins cher, et en plus sortant de l'ordinaire.
Que vous faut il faire. Bon, d'accord, il faut acheter le billet, mais ensuite?
Ensuite rien de plus simple, rendez vous au Bureau des Mariages (Clark County Marriage License - 201 Clark Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89155 - Tel. (702) 671-0600) munis des papiers suivants: carte d'identité prouvant que vous avez plus de 18 ans, en cas de précédent divorce, n'oubliez pas de prendre avec vous la copie de votre acte de divorce.
Ensuite, c'est à vous de voir.
Une simple cérémonie civile au Bureau des Mariages vous coûtera qu'une cinquantaine de dollars et ne durera qu'une demie heure.
Les célèbres chapelles long du Las Vegas strip reconnaissables par leur jardins de roses vous offres des services pour une somme comprise entre $200 et 500 dollars qui regroupent un forfait de mariage comprenant l'utilisation de la chapelle, la cérémonie de mariage, des fleurs, de la musique et des photos. Les forfaits plus coûteux comprennent plus d'extras comme le transfert depuis votre hôtel en limousine ou Elvis Presley comme témoin.
Ou encore, les casinos. Selon le thème que vous désirez pour votre mariage, rendez-vous soit l'hôtel Excalibur pour un médiéval,sinon MGM Grand a un mariage en montagnes russes, Treasure Island offre un mariage de pirates à bord de son bateau HMS Brittania et le Las Vegas Hilton propose un mariage Star Trek à bord du vaisseau spatial Enterprise avec des témoins Klingon et des invités Ferengi. Les prix varient alors de de 350 $ à 3500 $, voir d'avantage. Mais vous étes tout prets des salles de blackjack et des machines à sous.
Pour la Lune de Miel, en panne d'idées ou de sous? Pourquoi ne pas faire un tour du monde depuis Las Vegas?
Las Vegas, autre ses casinos, vous permet en effet de découvrir les sept merveilles du monde en un clin d'oeil. Vous voulez Paris et le charme de ses cafés? Pas de problème, rendez-vous au Paris Las Vegas! Ici, des votre arrivée, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de triomphe sans oublier le célèbre opéra Garnier vous accueillent a bras ouverts!Dans une architecture très Franchie style Haussmannien, vous retrouvez toutes les spécialités françaises et européennes au sein de ses fameux restaurants, sans oublier son casino.
Envie subite de vous dépayser. Rendez-vous Venetian! A Venise et ses gondoles... Quelle femme digne de ce nom ne souhaiterait pas passez sa lune de miel dans ce décor pittoresque, et rêvasser comme une jeune fille a l'aube de ses 20 ans, en attendant Casanova... Venez vous détendre au Venetian. Cet hôtel recrée pour vous les fameux canaux, les gondoles, les palais vénitiens et la réplique de la Piazza San Marco. Elégance et raffinement caractérisent le Venetian et ses 3000 chambres. Le Venetian abrite également une superbe galerie d'art avec le Guggenheim Hermitage Museum. Et pour découvrir encore plus de l'Italie, direction le Tuscany Suites Casino
Pour les nostalgiques d'Astérix et Obelix et du fameux Ave César, précipitez vous vite au Caesar's Palace! Conçue sur le modèle de la Rome antique, le Caesar's Palace accueille également des championnats du monde de boxe et des grands spectacles de vedette.
Envie de vous retrouvez sur une île paradisiaque? Essayer le Tahiti! Ses bananiers, les tropiques et les plages de sable fin, Pourquoi trop attendre.
Alors, qu'attendez vous pour passer la bague au doigt?
Alors qu'un mariage sur le vieux continent s'évalue entre 10 000 et 15 000 euros, las Vegas vous offre des prestations pour dix fois moins cher, et en plus sortant de l'ordinaire.
Que vous faut il faire. Bon, d'accord, il faut acheter le billet, mais ensuite?
Ensuite rien de plus simple, rendez vous au Bureau des Mariages (Clark County Marriage License - 201 Clark Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89155 - Tel. (702) 671-0600) munis des papiers suivants: carte d'identité prouvant que vous avez plus de 18 ans, en cas de précédent divorce, n'oubliez pas de prendre avec vous la copie de votre acte de divorce.
Ensuite, c'est à vous de voir.
Une simple cérémonie civile au Bureau des Mariages vous coûtera qu'une cinquantaine de dollars et ne durera qu'une demie heure.
Les célèbres chapelles long du Las Vegas strip reconnaissables par leur jardins de roses vous offres des services pour une somme comprise entre $200 et 500 dollars qui regroupent un forfait de mariage comprenant l'utilisation de la chapelle, la cérémonie de mariage, des fleurs, de la musique et des photos. Les forfaits plus coûteux comprennent plus d'extras comme le transfert depuis votre hôtel en limousine ou Elvis Presley comme témoin.
Ou encore, les casinos. Selon le thème que vous désirez pour votre mariage, rendez-vous soit l'hôtel Excalibur pour un médiéval,sinon MGM Grand a un mariage en montagnes russes, Treasure Island offre un mariage de pirates à bord de son bateau HMS Brittania et le Las Vegas Hilton propose un mariage Star Trek à bord du vaisseau spatial Enterprise avec des témoins Klingon et des invités Ferengi. Les prix varient alors de de 350 $ à 3500 $, voir d'avantage. Mais vous étes tout prets des salles de blackjack et des machines à sous.
Pour la Lune de Miel, en panne d'idées ou de sous? Pourquoi ne pas faire un tour du monde depuis Las Vegas?
Las Vegas, autre ses casinos, vous permet en effet de découvrir les sept merveilles du monde en un clin d'oeil. Vous voulez Paris et le charme de ses cafés? Pas de problème, rendez-vous au Paris Las Vegas! Ici, des votre arrivée, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de triomphe sans oublier le célèbre opéra Garnier vous accueillent a bras ouverts!Dans une architecture très Franchie style Haussmannien, vous retrouvez toutes les spécialités françaises et européennes au sein de ses fameux restaurants, sans oublier son casino.
Envie subite de vous dépayser. Rendez-vous Venetian! A Venise et ses gondoles... Quelle femme digne de ce nom ne souhaiterait pas passez sa lune de miel dans ce décor pittoresque, et rêvasser comme une jeune fille a l'aube de ses 20 ans, en attendant Casanova... Venez vous détendre au Venetian. Cet hôtel recrée pour vous les fameux canaux, les gondoles, les palais vénitiens et la réplique de la Piazza San Marco. Elégance et raffinement caractérisent le Venetian et ses 3000 chambres. Le Venetian abrite également une superbe galerie d'art avec le Guggenheim Hermitage Museum. Et pour découvrir encore plus de l'Italie, direction le Tuscany Suites Casino
Pour les nostalgiques d'Astérix et Obelix et du fameux Ave César, précipitez vous vite au Caesar's Palace! Conçue sur le modèle de la Rome antique, le Caesar's Palace accueille également des championnats du monde de boxe et des grands spectacles de vedette.
Envie de vous retrouvez sur une île paradisiaque? Essayer le Tahiti! Ses bananiers, les tropiques et les plages de sable fin, Pourquoi trop attendre.
Alors, qu'attendez vous pour passer la bague au doigt?
Kamis, 06 Mei 2010
Body Language in Communication: What Do Your Gestures Say?
While speaking at a large International conference recently, I was asked by lots of people why I made certain gestures while I was presenting. People get very intrigued about this kind of thing, especially when talking about body language and non-verbal communication as I was So I write today about body language in communication in relation to gestures in particular.
One set of people who really know about body language in communication are dancers. Recently, I had the opportunity of working with a well known dancer, who was demonstrating some secrets of what made certain dancers so good. She was talking to me about the importance of certain gestures made by dancers when they are dancing.
She also explained to me that in differing cultures, the gestures women make when dancing are extremely specific, and often depict story's all their own and emphasises the nature of that particular dance. As a younger man, I spent a lot of time in the stunning Spanish city of Granada and attended lots of traditional Flamenco dance and gypsy music events and lots of the images, colours and exciting feelings of those days began to resonate through my mind again when having this explained to me.
In recent months, someone asked me to consider writing a book with them about teaching methods and when subsequently researching child development and their body language in communication, I stumbled across some information that stated that young children develop certain arm and hand gestures shortly before they start to speak.
In fact, I read that both gestures and vocal sounds can be considered as part of a person's symbol-making ability. By "symbol-making ability" I am referring to the spoken word, writing, numbers and pictures; the ways in which we communicate. It is this ability which defines many of us and differentiates humans from the array of other mammals on this planet. However, when we communicate with people, we generally tend to be taught to pay attention to the spoken symbols, in the form of words that people say and tend to ignore body language in communication.
So here today are some steps to follow to heighten your awareness of body language in communication with particular reference to gestures and maybe you can utilise them more yourself.
Step One: Firstly, each time you are having a chat with someone, observe the gestures they make. There will often be patterns and repeated ways of utilising gestures. Notice how certain gestures accompany certain words and phrases. Think about what they are doing with this gesture too.
When you listen to someone, their hands will complement or emphasise what they are saying to you or what they are attempting to communicate. You can watch them paint pictures in the air, and interact with their imaginary world as they speak. Anyone that has ever seen me speak will notice that I have very active hands while speaking, if you listen to the podcasts or my audio programmes, you can even tell that I am using my hands while speaking even though you cannot see me!
The thing I find fascinating is that most people are blissfully unaware of their own gestures, unaware of their own body language in communication, let alone anyone else’s. These gestures are deep communications that emerge directly from our unconscious mind. So if you decide to start acknowledging gestures, you are communicating with someone’s unconscious mind and processes, wonderful stuff eh?
Here are three main ways to interact with a person’s gestures:
Step two: Secondly then, once you notice a person’s gestures, feed some of them back to the person. When you refer to something they have said, use their gesture as well. This is known as mirroring or matching, remember from a previous edition of Adam Up I talked about this, do your best not to make it too obvious and not to mimic the person.
Developing rapport with someone has often been described as getting the attention of and communicating with someone’s unconscious mind. When you mirror their gestures back to them, a person’s unconscious mind knows that you have noticed it. As I said, I recommend that you don’t mirror the gesture in full. Let me give you an example, if a person moves their hand in circles as they describe going round and round, you could move your index finger in circles to subtly mirror it.
The second approach to utilising gestures I call referring. So, for example, if someone said “I know there’s the right person out there for me somewhere” and held their hand pointing out in the direction ahead of them as they said it, you can subtly point to the same direction where their hand was guided each time that you refer to it: For example “So this person, you don’t know who they are yet you are looking forward to meeting.” As you refer to them, you match their gesture and point the same way. Just as mirroring did, this sends a covert message to the person that you understand what is going on with them and often that you understand better than that person’s conscious mind does!
Step Three: Investigate how to refer to people’s gestures by doing it more and more.
If someone says “I’d like to do a certain thing, but something else keeps stopping me” while they then hold one of their hands out in front of them, you could highlight the hand and ask them “What is that?” Sometimes people will just frown, or look at you strangely and say “What do you mean?” , but other times, it brings up wonder and amazement– things come into the person’s awareness that they didn’t previously have conscious knowledge of. It can really have a magical effect.
The third way you can use this is with full engagement. I once had a client who said “I’d like to be a great public speaker, but something’s stopping me.” As he said this, he held his hands out about a foot in front of his chest and made an actual pushing motion, as if trying to move a heavy object. I asked “What happens when you just knock that out of the way” and I then pushed his hands to the side.
His face went bright red and he began laughing raucously out loud! He said “Well that makes it easy” and he stepped forward into a relaxed and confident pose before starting to talk about how excited he was about doing it. This is amazing stuff. Full engagement with people's gestures is not appropriate for all situations and there are many workplace situations where any sort of physical contact is deemed inappropriate. Having said that, if you are in a situation where you consider it appropriate to do so, and you have a relationship with good rapport with the person where it is fine to do that, then go for it.
Body language in communication: In Business
This is not just interpersonal communication that I am referring to with this working with gestures. In the business and professional environment people use lots of gestures too, so you can mirror those gestures subtly to get rapport. In addition, people will use gestures when describing a specific problem. I was once demonstrating their power to some people on a seminar I was running. Upon meeting one of the attendees a couple of months later, she told me this story:
She said that there was a chap at work who often came to her for help in solving technical problems as she was a bit of a technical whizz. She said that it typically took 20-30 minutes to help the person find the solution to the problem, and subsequently consumed a lot of her time. After learning about gestures, she paid attention the next time the chap brought up a problem which went something like this “I’m trying to do x but I have this problem and can’t see beyond it.”
The lady from my seminar noticed that when the chap said the word “problem”, he held his hand up in a clenched way. Our quick-thinking heroine mirrored the gesture, then said “What happens when you just forget about that [moving his clenched hand as if throwing away a piece of rubbish] and focus on what you want.” The chap with the problem stopped absolutely still for about 30 seconds then said “Oh! I know the answer to that one!” and left the stunned lady in peace, saving her 20-30 minutes of her day.
Pay attention to the gestures of others, their body language in communication and use them back to those using them, become aware of what purpose they are serving and show that you understand and empathise with them.
One set of people who really know about body language in communication are dancers. Recently, I had the opportunity of working with a well known dancer, who was demonstrating some secrets of what made certain dancers so good. She was talking to me about the importance of certain gestures made by dancers when they are dancing.
She also explained to me that in differing cultures, the gestures women make when dancing are extremely specific, and often depict story's all their own and emphasises the nature of that particular dance. As a younger man, I spent a lot of time in the stunning Spanish city of Granada and attended lots of traditional Flamenco dance and gypsy music events and lots of the images, colours and exciting feelings of those days began to resonate through my mind again when having this explained to me.
In recent months, someone asked me to consider writing a book with them about teaching methods and when subsequently researching child development and their body language in communication, I stumbled across some information that stated that young children develop certain arm and hand gestures shortly before they start to speak.
In fact, I read that both gestures and vocal sounds can be considered as part of a person's symbol-making ability. By "symbol-making ability" I am referring to the spoken word, writing, numbers and pictures; the ways in which we communicate. It is this ability which defines many of us and differentiates humans from the array of other mammals on this planet. However, when we communicate with people, we generally tend to be taught to pay attention to the spoken symbols, in the form of words that people say and tend to ignore body language in communication.
So here today are some steps to follow to heighten your awareness of body language in communication with particular reference to gestures and maybe you can utilise them more yourself.
Step One: Firstly, each time you are having a chat with someone, observe the gestures they make. There will often be patterns and repeated ways of utilising gestures. Notice how certain gestures accompany certain words and phrases. Think about what they are doing with this gesture too.
When you listen to someone, their hands will complement or emphasise what they are saying to you or what they are attempting to communicate. You can watch them paint pictures in the air, and interact with their imaginary world as they speak. Anyone that has ever seen me speak will notice that I have very active hands while speaking, if you listen to the podcasts or my audio programmes, you can even tell that I am using my hands while speaking even though you cannot see me!
The thing I find fascinating is that most people are blissfully unaware of their own gestures, unaware of their own body language in communication, let alone anyone else’s. These gestures are deep communications that emerge directly from our unconscious mind. So if you decide to start acknowledging gestures, you are communicating with someone’s unconscious mind and processes, wonderful stuff eh?
Here are three main ways to interact with a person’s gestures:
Step two: Secondly then, once you notice a person’s gestures, feed some of them back to the person. When you refer to something they have said, use their gesture as well. This is known as mirroring or matching, remember from a previous edition of Adam Up I talked about this, do your best not to make it too obvious and not to mimic the person.
Developing rapport with someone has often been described as getting the attention of and communicating with someone’s unconscious mind. When you mirror their gestures back to them, a person’s unconscious mind knows that you have noticed it. As I said, I recommend that you don’t mirror the gesture in full. Let me give you an example, if a person moves their hand in circles as they describe going round and round, you could move your index finger in circles to subtly mirror it.
The second approach to utilising gestures I call referring. So, for example, if someone said “I know there’s the right person out there for me somewhere” and held their hand pointing out in the direction ahead of them as they said it, you can subtly point to the same direction where their hand was guided each time that you refer to it: For example “So this person, you don’t know who they are yet you are looking forward to meeting.” As you refer to them, you match their gesture and point the same way. Just as mirroring did, this sends a covert message to the person that you understand what is going on with them and often that you understand better than that person’s conscious mind does!
Step Three: Investigate how to refer to people’s gestures by doing it more and more.
If someone says “I’d like to do a certain thing, but something else keeps stopping me” while they then hold one of their hands out in front of them, you could highlight the hand and ask them “What is that?” Sometimes people will just frown, or look at you strangely and say “What do you mean?” , but other times, it brings up wonder and amazement– things come into the person’s awareness that they didn’t previously have conscious knowledge of. It can really have a magical effect.
The third way you can use this is with full engagement. I once had a client who said “I’d like to be a great public speaker, but something’s stopping me.” As he said this, he held his hands out about a foot in front of his chest and made an actual pushing motion, as if trying to move a heavy object. I asked “What happens when you just knock that out of the way” and I then pushed his hands to the side.
His face went bright red and he began laughing raucously out loud! He said “Well that makes it easy” and he stepped forward into a relaxed and confident pose before starting to talk about how excited he was about doing it. This is amazing stuff. Full engagement with people's gestures is not appropriate for all situations and there are many workplace situations where any sort of physical contact is deemed inappropriate. Having said that, if you are in a situation where you consider it appropriate to do so, and you have a relationship with good rapport with the person where it is fine to do that, then go for it.
Body language in communication: In Business
This is not just interpersonal communication that I am referring to with this working with gestures. In the business and professional environment people use lots of gestures too, so you can mirror those gestures subtly to get rapport. In addition, people will use gestures when describing a specific problem. I was once demonstrating their power to some people on a seminar I was running. Upon meeting one of the attendees a couple of months later, she told me this story:
She said that there was a chap at work who often came to her for help in solving technical problems as she was a bit of a technical whizz. She said that it typically took 20-30 minutes to help the person find the solution to the problem, and subsequently consumed a lot of her time. After learning about gestures, she paid attention the next time the chap brought up a problem which went something like this “I’m trying to do x but I have this problem and can’t see beyond it.”
The lady from my seminar noticed that when the chap said the word “problem”, he held his hand up in a clenched way. Our quick-thinking heroine mirrored the gesture, then said “What happens when you just forget about that [moving his clenched hand as if throwing away a piece of rubbish] and focus on what you want.” The chap with the problem stopped absolutely still for about 30 seconds then said “Oh! I know the answer to that one!” and left the stunned lady in peace, saving her 20-30 minutes of her day.
Pay attention to the gestures of others, their body language in communication and use them back to those using them, become aware of what purpose they are serving and show that you understand and empathise with them.
Rabu, 05 Mei 2010
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