Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe when it popped into my head a few days ago.
We don't like to think about our "ugly parts," do we? By ugly parts of course I mean those aspects of ourselves we perceive to be less than perfect. For some it might be physical flaws, like acne, jiggly thighs or a persistent pot belly no matter how many hours we spend in the gym. For others there may be emotional issues like fears, phobias or low self-esteem.
One lesson I keep having to learn over and over in my own life is that the more I resist these aspects of myself, the more I hate them and push them away and try to ignore them, the bigger and more dominant they become. My resistance gives them power over me.
What if we stopped pushing away these aspects of ourselves? What if we (gasp!) accepted them, loved them, embraced them? What happens to them?
For most of my adult life, I've been a cat owner (or I should say, they owned me). Several of them were strays when I took them in, and they were in terrible shape. Covered in fleas, worm infestations, coat and eyes dull. Part of it was their physical health and lack of proper diet, which I remedied over the following weeks. But on a deeper level, these animals were starving for love and affection. I eased that too, by petting them, talking to them, conveying with and without words that they mattered, they were worthy of being loved deeply and fully. And they responded to that.
As the weeks went by, a light would begin to shine in their eyes. They would become more playful and seem happier and more content. Eventually, they no longer resembled the tattered creatures that had come through my door. They were glowing with life and vitality. Their coats became soft and silky, their eyes were bright and alert and they seemed genuinely at peace. Love Transforms. It's as simple as that. Anyone who has loved deeply or has been loved deeply can attest to that.
So how does that apply to our "ugly parts?" What would happen if we loved them and embraced them? Would they transform into something more beautiful? Maybe, maybe not. Those parts of ourselves may exist for a reason, and we may not be able to change them. However, if we can't transform those, maybe we can still transform our perception of them. They will no longer appear "ugly" to us. They simply become one small aspect of our total selves. These individual aspects are not good or bad, they just are.
Loathing certain parts of ourselves is like refusing to look at a rainbow because we don't like the color green. If you like the other colors, you can accept the green at least, right? A rainbow wouldn't be complete without the color green. If we are to accept ourselves, we need to accept ALL parts of ourselves. Some of them we may be able to improve over time, and others we might not. And that's okay.
The important thing is to become at peace with ourselves, rather than fighting these ridiculous battles day after day. We need to embrace ourselves, nurture ourselves and love ourselves. In doing so, we will be transformed, on one level or another.
Tampilkan postingan dengan label self worth. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label self worth. Tampilkan semua postingan
Senin, 16 April 2012
Minggu, 03 Januari 2010
"The 3 Most Popular Ways to Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low Self-Esteem"
WARNING! 85% of all people suffer from some form of diminished and low Self-Esteem. It is our low level of Self-Esteem, our Confidence and our Self-Image that cause most negativity and failure in our lives on a daily basis. Most of us try to 'cover up' our poos self worth and low Self-Esteem by showing forced and 'artificial' behaviour. Find out The 3 Most Popular Ways to Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low Self-Esteem here!
Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino
Watch TV, open the newspaper, listen to the radio, or visit news sites on the Internet and you’ll immediately notice that the amount of human failure and disaster one is exposed to is disheartening. If you are like me, you may find yourself avoiding these sources of news and “entertainment” because you can’t stand the amount of negativity that infiltrates your mind and harmfully impacts your energy-state! Not surprisingly, much of the negativity in the world is sourced from people having an unhealthy, low level of self-esteem. Shocking, extensive research shows that over 85% of the world’s population has some type of deficiency in their level of self-esteem.
Low self-esteem causes feelings of discomfort, unhappiness, anger, fear, procrastination, frustration, shyness and incapability. This array of negative thought processes and sensations causes people to look for artificial ways to cover up their lack of confidence by taking on forced or unnatural behaviors. Three of the most common ways of covering up a negative self-image, diminished self-esteem and low confidence levels are:
1) Forced and unhealthy communication Forced acts of communication are ways we relate with each other in an unnatural and destructive way. Examples of unproductive communication could be uncontrolled anger, screaming or abusive language, or making unfair or unproductive remarks. All too often, when we feel uncomfortable in social situations or fear being controlled by another, we try to gain the upper hand by dominating the other person in some manner. For example, your spouse might make a remark that you allow to cause you to feel poorly about yourself or attacked in some way. (The words of another can never negatively impact our self-esteem unless we allow them to do so.) Most of the time, we react to what someone says when they bring up something we can not be with about how we see ourselves. This reactive feeling is all too often a sign of a diminished self-esteem. As a result of feeing threatened, you might counter with an aggressive or hostile remark of your own. Before long, you have unintentionally begun a downward spiral in communication that will surely erode your relationship over time.
Lacking self-esteem likewise impacts all other areas of life. Additional examples include fear of public speaking, ineffective professional communication, pursuing a carrier that is not in alignment with one’s passions and life-purpose, dating or even marrying people that do not match up well with our most important values because we fear we may not attract our ideal partner, and bringing up children to be fear-based, reactive, or unhealthy in their perceptions of the world and in their relationships with others.
2) Sleeping Excessively in order to Escape from Reality Do you know anyone who “sleeps their time away?” For countless people, sleeping is a way to escape their painful feelings of incapability, fear, discomfort, unworthiness, and weakness. These feelings stem from the interpretation that one is somehow unlovable or not good enough and are ultimately the result of low self-esteem levels. They drain our energy and cause internal friction that makes us tired. They also result in having us want to escape those situations instead of coping with them in an appropriate and effective manner. For many people sleeping is the easiest escape rather than learning to face life’s challenges. Sleeping is a means of recuperation — so upon awakening, all challenges can be coped with more easily with fresh energy. However many people don’t use sleep for the purpose of regenerating energy. They numb their pain with ‘chronic sleeping’ as an escape from reality. As an escape strategy, problems remain unaddressed and unsolved and so tend to become worse with the passing of time.
3) Use of Alcohol, Drugs, and Cigarettes As an active observer of people’s coping strategies, notice how often so many look for ways to numb the pain rather than address the source of their challenges. Many find comfort in cigarettes as a stress reliever. The underlying source of mental stress and bodily tension is often diminished self-esteem. So often, people condition themselves to turn to alcohol or drugs after experiencing a stressful event. Rather than deal with the causes of life’s disappointments, relationship challenges, or ineffective communication, it’s often easier to look for ways to forget about the problems by turning to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Of course, these destructive forms of escaping the uncomfortable feelings that are caused by low confidence, a bad self-image and poor self-esteem often result in compounded health and social challenges of their own. In addition to their harmful physical effects, drugs and alcohol amplify negative feelings and thus result in further destructive behavior. In this way, they compound the already present challenges and result in a worsening, vicious cycle of greater proportions.
Low self-esteem is most often the cause of these destructive and escape-seeking behaviors. Rather than detach from or attempt to escape the challenges brought on by a poor self-image and low self-confidence, there is a more effective way to live a more powerful, happier and more abundant life — simply by elevating one’s level of self-esteem. After working personally with thousands of coaching clients in the past 15 years, I have uncovered an effective yet simple and easy-to-implement formula for improving one’s self-esteem. The entire process of healing one’s painful past, accurately assessing one’s current situation, and proactively designing the future in choice can be found in the step-by-step self-study program entitled, “The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.” For more information on restoring your self-esteem and reclaiming your magnificence, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com website.
Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino
Watch TV, open the newspaper, listen to the radio, or visit news sites on the Internet and you’ll immediately notice that the amount of human failure and disaster one is exposed to is disheartening. If you are like me, you may find yourself avoiding these sources of news and “entertainment” because you can’t stand the amount of negativity that infiltrates your mind and harmfully impacts your energy-state! Not surprisingly, much of the negativity in the world is sourced from people having an unhealthy, low level of self-esteem. Shocking, extensive research shows that over 85% of the world’s population has some type of deficiency in their level of self-esteem.
Low self-esteem causes feelings of discomfort, unhappiness, anger, fear, procrastination, frustration, shyness and incapability. This array of negative thought processes and sensations causes people to look for artificial ways to cover up their lack of confidence by taking on forced or unnatural behaviors. Three of the most common ways of covering up a negative self-image, diminished self-esteem and low confidence levels are:
1) Forced and unhealthy communication Forced acts of communication are ways we relate with each other in an unnatural and destructive way. Examples of unproductive communication could be uncontrolled anger, screaming or abusive language, or making unfair or unproductive remarks. All too often, when we feel uncomfortable in social situations or fear being controlled by another, we try to gain the upper hand by dominating the other person in some manner. For example, your spouse might make a remark that you allow to cause you to feel poorly about yourself or attacked in some way. (The words of another can never negatively impact our self-esteem unless we allow them to do so.) Most of the time, we react to what someone says when they bring up something we can not be with about how we see ourselves. This reactive feeling is all too often a sign of a diminished self-esteem. As a result of feeing threatened, you might counter with an aggressive or hostile remark of your own. Before long, you have unintentionally begun a downward spiral in communication that will surely erode your relationship over time.
Lacking self-esteem likewise impacts all other areas of life. Additional examples include fear of public speaking, ineffective professional communication, pursuing a carrier that is not in alignment with one’s passions and life-purpose, dating or even marrying people that do not match up well with our most important values because we fear we may not attract our ideal partner, and bringing up children to be fear-based, reactive, or unhealthy in their perceptions of the world and in their relationships with others.
2) Sleeping Excessively in order to Escape from Reality Do you know anyone who “sleeps their time away?” For countless people, sleeping is a way to escape their painful feelings of incapability, fear, discomfort, unworthiness, and weakness. These feelings stem from the interpretation that one is somehow unlovable or not good enough and are ultimately the result of low self-esteem levels. They drain our energy and cause internal friction that makes us tired. They also result in having us want to escape those situations instead of coping with them in an appropriate and effective manner. For many people sleeping is the easiest escape rather than learning to face life’s challenges. Sleeping is a means of recuperation — so upon awakening, all challenges can be coped with more easily with fresh energy. However many people don’t use sleep for the purpose of regenerating energy. They numb their pain with ‘chronic sleeping’ as an escape from reality. As an escape strategy, problems remain unaddressed and unsolved and so tend to become worse with the passing of time.
3) Use of Alcohol, Drugs, and Cigarettes As an active observer of people’s coping strategies, notice how often so many look for ways to numb the pain rather than address the source of their challenges. Many find comfort in cigarettes as a stress reliever. The underlying source of mental stress and bodily tension is often diminished self-esteem. So often, people condition themselves to turn to alcohol or drugs after experiencing a stressful event. Rather than deal with the causes of life’s disappointments, relationship challenges, or ineffective communication, it’s often easier to look for ways to forget about the problems by turning to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Of course, these destructive forms of escaping the uncomfortable feelings that are caused by low confidence, a bad self-image and poor self-esteem often result in compounded health and social challenges of their own. In addition to their harmful physical effects, drugs and alcohol amplify negative feelings and thus result in further destructive behavior. In this way, they compound the already present challenges and result in a worsening, vicious cycle of greater proportions.
Low self-esteem is most often the cause of these destructive and escape-seeking behaviors. Rather than detach from or attempt to escape the challenges brought on by a poor self-image and low self-confidence, there is a more effective way to live a more powerful, happier and more abundant life — simply by elevating one’s level of self-esteem. After working personally with thousands of coaching clients in the past 15 years, I have uncovered an effective yet simple and easy-to-implement formula for improving one’s self-esteem. The entire process of healing one’s painful past, accurately assessing one’s current situation, and proactively designing the future in choice can be found in the step-by-step self-study program entitled, “The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.” For more information on restoring your self-esteem and reclaiming your magnificence, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com website.
Jumat, 01 Januari 2010
"Five More Ways To Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low Self-Esteem and Poor Self-Confidence"
Diminshed levels of self-esteem and poor self-confidence are often shown in certain human behaviour. This article gives a list of five emotional ways that uncover this human lack. In addition it provides solutions to solve one's poor level of self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.
Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino
Many people live their entire lives without getting to the source of what originally caused their feelings of low self-esteem. Because they are unaware of how they can heal their painful past and reframe the circumstances that originally resulted in interpretations of being unworthy, unlovable, or deficient in some way, most people instead often resort to finding ways to distract themselves from the unpleasant sensations that accompany feeling inferior. Instead of effectively silencing the nagging voice of past hurts, they seek out distractions to help them temporarily forget about their lacking confidence and deficient self-image. Five of the more common ways to relieve the pain of low self-esteem and poor self-confidence involve excessive attention to work, food, sports, sex, or even shopping. Like all addictions, they help to distract from but do not resolve the underlying problem and so one is still plagued by feelings that will continually require greater efforts from which to hide.
Workaholism
In our culture, work is usually an acceptable means of diverting our attention. Through hard work, we busy ourselves to the extent that we lack the free time needed to brood over our sorrows. Those who work excessively are often too tired to worry about a lacking social life or the pursuit of fun pastimes that they often likewise believe they do not deserve to experience. Work provides rewards such as money, recognition, and a feeling of accomplishment, all of which help to compensate for feelings of failure in other areas of life.
It’s not that a commitment to work is bad. In fact, it is quite admirable as just one component to a well-balanced life. However, when pursued to excess, it doesn’t allow for the honoring of other equally important elements such as a commitment to family, friends, fun, recreation, personal and spiritual development, etc. An obsession with work can take its toll on health, relationships, and missed opportunities for other equally valuable pursuits.
Moreover, when work is undertaken from the perspective that one is ‘not good enough’ in one or more aspects of their being, it can’t be fully enjoyed. Feelings of low self confidence and little self-esteem diminish one’s energy by consuming attention that could have been spent more productively in the joyful pursuit of one’s goals, rather than as a distraction from persistent negative self-talk.
Over-Eating
Like working excessively, an obsession with food is often a common escape from feelings of unworthiness. Eating can serve both as a distraction and a way to make ourselves feel better temporarily. We often seek from food the emotional connection that we are lacking in close, intimate relationships. Frequently, food is linked in our minds to happy times with family or friends. Perhaps we experienced food rewards from our parents or authority figures for scholastic or sports accomplishments. For many, food has become synonymous with love. And so in times of stress, fear, and loneliness, many turn to food to fill a void that only love and self-fulfillment can satisfy.
Habitual overeating also results in being out of shape, overweight, and generally unattractive in the paradigm of Western modern-day culture. The more one eats as a substitute for missing self-love and intimacy with others, the more obese he or she is likely to become. This in turn reinforces the feeling that the heavier the person becomes, the less she fits in and the lower her self-esteem and self-confidence plummets. The greater the feelings of loneliness and not fitting in that result, the more she is likely to seek comfort in food (especially the high carbohydrate, high fat, high comfort variety). A vicious cycle is thus set in motion ensuring more weight gain and lower self-esteem.
Sports and Other Physical Outlets
Some people run to overcome feelings of loneliness, boredom, depression or lacking self-worth. Some pump iron, play golf, or work out at the gym while others find their own unique way to divert their focus through exercise, hobbies, or sports. Many would argue that such a diversion is a healthy way to funnel energy into an activity that contributes to good physical health. However, like any obsession, when taken to the extreme for the purpose of diverting attention from issues in need of resolution, it can become an unhealthy means of avoiding areas in serious need of attention.
Sex
An obsession with sex outside of a healthy, loving relationship can likewise become a means of distraction to take the focus away from self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Whether it’s Internet porn sites, an obsession with strip clubs, or the need for frequent casual sexual encounters, all serve as an effort to numb the pain of isolation. Ironically, the greater the obsession to connect with others through meaningless sexual experiences, the greater one’s sense of isolation will likely become.
Shopping
Another common obsession to compensate for a low self-image is shopping. While some find temporary comfort in making themselves feel more attractive by purchasing the latest, most stylish clothes, shoes, accessories, or even cars and other expensive toys if their budget allows (and many times even if it does not!), compulsive shoppers find that the comfort they seek in material items is typically short lived. They often fool themselves into thinking that next new dress, sport coat, outfit or cologne purchase will make the difference they seek in having them feel better about themselves. Sadly, it never does. However, all too often such excessive spending sprees send the shopaholic deeper into debt. This further reinforces or worsens the failure interpretation they already possessed and continues to diminish their self-esteem and confidence level.
There are countless other addictions that people resort to in an effort to find meaning in life when their own self-worth is lacking. Whether it is compulsive gambling, studying, puttering in the yard, decorating the house, or whatever other diversion, those who lack inner peace will not soon find it externally with a focus that seeks to cover up feelings of being unworthy or unlovable.
Thankfully, there IS a way to reclaim one’s self-worth and restore self-esteem to a high level providing internal comfort and fulfillment. For a complete roadmap to reclaiming self-esteem, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com and discover all details of this strong authentic formula that will assist you in boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino
Many people live their entire lives without getting to the source of what originally caused their feelings of low self-esteem. Because they are unaware of how they can heal their painful past and reframe the circumstances that originally resulted in interpretations of being unworthy, unlovable, or deficient in some way, most people instead often resort to finding ways to distract themselves from the unpleasant sensations that accompany feeling inferior. Instead of effectively silencing the nagging voice of past hurts, they seek out distractions to help them temporarily forget about their lacking confidence and deficient self-image. Five of the more common ways to relieve the pain of low self-esteem and poor self-confidence involve excessive attention to work, food, sports, sex, or even shopping. Like all addictions, they help to distract from but do not resolve the underlying problem and so one is still plagued by feelings that will continually require greater efforts from which to hide.
Workaholism
In our culture, work is usually an acceptable means of diverting our attention. Through hard work, we busy ourselves to the extent that we lack the free time needed to brood over our sorrows. Those who work excessively are often too tired to worry about a lacking social life or the pursuit of fun pastimes that they often likewise believe they do not deserve to experience. Work provides rewards such as money, recognition, and a feeling of accomplishment, all of which help to compensate for feelings of failure in other areas of life.
It’s not that a commitment to work is bad. In fact, it is quite admirable as just one component to a well-balanced life. However, when pursued to excess, it doesn’t allow for the honoring of other equally important elements such as a commitment to family, friends, fun, recreation, personal and spiritual development, etc. An obsession with work can take its toll on health, relationships, and missed opportunities for other equally valuable pursuits.
Moreover, when work is undertaken from the perspective that one is ‘not good enough’ in one or more aspects of their being, it can’t be fully enjoyed. Feelings of low self confidence and little self-esteem diminish one’s energy by consuming attention that could have been spent more productively in the joyful pursuit of one’s goals, rather than as a distraction from persistent negative self-talk.
Over-Eating
Like working excessively, an obsession with food is often a common escape from feelings of unworthiness. Eating can serve both as a distraction and a way to make ourselves feel better temporarily. We often seek from food the emotional connection that we are lacking in close, intimate relationships. Frequently, food is linked in our minds to happy times with family or friends. Perhaps we experienced food rewards from our parents or authority figures for scholastic or sports accomplishments. For many, food has become synonymous with love. And so in times of stress, fear, and loneliness, many turn to food to fill a void that only love and self-fulfillment can satisfy.
Habitual overeating also results in being out of shape, overweight, and generally unattractive in the paradigm of Western modern-day culture. The more one eats as a substitute for missing self-love and intimacy with others, the more obese he or she is likely to become. This in turn reinforces the feeling that the heavier the person becomes, the less she fits in and the lower her self-esteem and self-confidence plummets. The greater the feelings of loneliness and not fitting in that result, the more she is likely to seek comfort in food (especially the high carbohydrate, high fat, high comfort variety). A vicious cycle is thus set in motion ensuring more weight gain and lower self-esteem.
Sports and Other Physical Outlets
Some people run to overcome feelings of loneliness, boredom, depression or lacking self-worth. Some pump iron, play golf, or work out at the gym while others find their own unique way to divert their focus through exercise, hobbies, or sports. Many would argue that such a diversion is a healthy way to funnel energy into an activity that contributes to good physical health. However, like any obsession, when taken to the extreme for the purpose of diverting attention from issues in need of resolution, it can become an unhealthy means of avoiding areas in serious need of attention.
Sex
An obsession with sex outside of a healthy, loving relationship can likewise become a means of distraction to take the focus away from self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Whether it’s Internet porn sites, an obsession with strip clubs, or the need for frequent casual sexual encounters, all serve as an effort to numb the pain of isolation. Ironically, the greater the obsession to connect with others through meaningless sexual experiences, the greater one’s sense of isolation will likely become.
Shopping
Another common obsession to compensate for a low self-image is shopping. While some find temporary comfort in making themselves feel more attractive by purchasing the latest, most stylish clothes, shoes, accessories, or even cars and other expensive toys if their budget allows (and many times even if it does not!), compulsive shoppers find that the comfort they seek in material items is typically short lived. They often fool themselves into thinking that next new dress, sport coat, outfit or cologne purchase will make the difference they seek in having them feel better about themselves. Sadly, it never does. However, all too often such excessive spending sprees send the shopaholic deeper into debt. This further reinforces or worsens the failure interpretation they already possessed and continues to diminish their self-esteem and confidence level.
There are countless other addictions that people resort to in an effort to find meaning in life when their own self-worth is lacking. Whether it is compulsive gambling, studying, puttering in the yard, decorating the house, or whatever other diversion, those who lack inner peace will not soon find it externally with a focus that seeks to cover up feelings of being unworthy or unlovable.
Thankfully, there IS a way to reclaim one’s self-worth and restore self-esteem to a high level providing internal comfort and fulfillment. For a complete roadmap to reclaiming self-esteem, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com and discover all details of this strong authentic formula that will assist you in boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Langganan:
Postingan (Atom)
Postingan
