Holiday "Ki" Moments: Choosing Your Best Self

"I like to think of myself as an artist, and my life is my greatest work of art. Every moment is a moment of creation, and each moment of creation contains infinite possibilities. I can do things the way I've always done them, or I can look at all the different alternatives, and try something new and different and potentially more rewarding. Every moment presents a new opportunity and a new decision."

--From Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain

The Holidays are filled with key moments -- and Ki Moments. Are you ready for them? Gift decisions, company parties, Holiday dinners with friends and family -- they're loaded with opportunities, aren't they? Will the pressure of the moment help you reach peak performance or will you look back later wondering why you did what you did -- again!

When your sibling does something that pushes your buttons, your children are over the top with excitement, your partner forgets the wine, and your associate forgets the most important action item, whatever you do, say, and receive back will be contingent upon what self you choose in that moment.

Give yourself and those you love and work with some unexpected gifts this season:
--The gift of your best self. When the pressure is on, breathe and come back to what you really want -- for this moment, and this relationship.
--The gift of empathy. Give up the fight and acknowledge the pressure that you and they are under.
--The gift of perspective. Laugh, love, let go, and learn.
--The gift of peace. Don't talk about peace, BE peace, in your family, your workplace, your community, and your nation. As Ghandi said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

Ki (from Ai-KI-do) is the Japanese for life energy. Aikido means "the way of blending with energy." How will you extend your life energy this season? How will you receive theirs? It's your choice. Your life depends on it.

The Greatest Gift

"Go ahead, Judy, talk to your father. What do you want to say?" With these words offered by my favorite Aunt Mimi, I was given the greatest gift—the gift of myself.

Mimi and I had gone on an aunt-niece shopping adventure, and at age 15, I became the proud owner of my first mini-skirt. Upon seeing it, my dad hit the roof, and as usual, I was angry, scared, and tongue-tied. Years of admonitions to not "talk back," had my voice stopped in my throat.

Before that moment, I believe I didn't know that I could have wishes of my own, schooled as I was in pleasing others. How could I speak my thoughts if I didn't know I had them? But with Mimi at my side, I was emboldened. I had an ally. And I found words.

I opened my mouth and talked to my father. I don't remember exactly what I said - it's not important anyway. What's important is that I talked to him. I found my self - my sense of authority over what I wanted to wear and why, my feelings in that moment, and the quiet power that comes with the acknowledgment of these things.

Every time words get stuck in my throat, that moment comes to me, and I think: "Judy, what do you want to say?" And I find my self, and the words come.

This was the greatest gift I ever received from another human being. And it was a gift I could share with my father. As I found the weight of my own convictions, I was able to communicate with him in a new way - not to hurt, retaliate, prove a point, or to show him how wrong he was, but to remove a barrier and let him see a part of me I'd not ventured to show before. It was a gift to both of us.

In the spirit of giving, what will you give yourself and your relationships? Is there a "stuckness" somewhere that could be freed up by finding your center and communicating in a new way with someone you love? Are you hiding? Or are you expecting someone to guess your feelings? Give them and yourself the greatest gift.